So, I've just decided to update since I don't do anything other than sleep at one fifteen in the morning, and also decided that sleeping was for wussies. So, of course, what do I do?
Put on my orange pyjamas-the purple ones are in the laundry- and settle down for a good hour of annoying homework. Then, I hunker down for an upload to youtube-I promised everyone a whole bunch of vlogs. I hope it's working, 'cause it's still not done. Then I talk to four or six or eight people online-trust me, I didn't start the conversations. I really wanted to go to bed. So I decided to practise guitar so I can kick... I can't remember his nickname because it has nothing to do with baseball... Zack's butt in guitar the next time I see him... or at least prove I can play a G chord. So for a half hour or more I listen to "Wheat Kings" by Tragically Hip(Good song, by the way.) And then I check my email, and go to facebook for a last minute check, and then I notice that someone on faceparty messaged me, and so I reply, and then two more people talk to me. And then I was just like, what the heck? I'm already in for the long haul of stupid, pointless, dumb wastes of time on the net, why not update the blog that only two people used to read, which probably got reduced to only one, sporadically.
And so now, I'm still online, doing what I'm good at which is wasting valuable "me" time on silly things like this.
Woot?
I think I should pull out Braveheart and watch it for... giggles. Why not? And while I'm at it, I could pull out one of my long, boring novels. Does anyone have an anthology of Shakespeare's Works? I'm sure I could spend some time on that one.
And, hey! I could pull out the food 'cause I'll be hungry in twenty minutes, no doubt!
And, look! Right back to the email.
I have the feeling that this is going to be one long night.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
March 27, 2008
AARGHGHGHG...H.
In my opinion, I give up. I don't care. Yeah. It sounds so sweet, and, yeah, I know that that's a song. I know it. I know the words.
pick it. Man, I love the nature of this, the horrific details and all that, but it's too uncomfortable for me to be in it. I can't deal with this, and I just realized that I'm stuck in the middle. I heretofor remove myself from the mess. Fix it. I don't care. I know what I want, I know what I should want, and I've made it clear to you. You have the last move, or the other two of us are in limbo, and she doesn't even know that she is! And, you can be damn sure I'd converse with her if I ever ran into her on the street. I would even introduce myself. But I would never tell her anything you told me. I don't even think that I'd mention our pool outings. I wouldn't say I was your ex, even, because that could be bad. But I'd have a good long conversation with her.
The good news is, I've figured out which song I'm learning to play on my guitar first.
The Lips of an Angel-Hinder
Do you know what gets me, though? I think that you're still hung up about this, I don't think you got over our breakup. That's fine. That's fine. But I made you leave when it was us. I did not make you stick around in limbo, I never, ever could have done that. I did not like giving up perfection. And then I knew that to force you to stay would do more damage than forcing you to hate me. Do you want me to make you hate me again? Because I can. I could do it. I wouldn't believe what I was saying, but I could. All you have to do is tell me to do it.
Just, please, please, make up your mind.
I hate being confused. I have resorted to this:
What I've Done- Linkin Park
Yeah. You know I've been upset when: The song playlist changes to Linkin Park. I even tried to pull out the good ol' standbye of Numb, but it just didn't go so well, because I am anything but numb. You know what I feel? I feel like something is supposed to happen; I feel like whatever comes next will be the biggest thing that could possibly have happened so far, because I don't believe I've ever felt this strongly that "something" is going to go on, and soon. I feel lit more now than all week. Frigg.
Crawling-Linkin Park
I almost feel it strongly enough to pull out the tarot cards. Damn. I haven't needed them in a long time, and I might sway them with my mind... but I'll be good. I promise.
All I need- Radiohead
Tarot cards it is, now that I've got my breathing in check...and my mind out of the gutter. But I think I'll put it back in there later, I rather enjoyed the show. Memories serve better than anything. Damn.
Hungry Eyes-Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
The problem with tarot is that you need the right question. I don't know what to ask that won't make me feel guilty? How about, would it work out? But that's assuming anything happens. It might never go anywhere. And then the box said: "Shut up". So I did.
So: What is going to happen?
1. Cups (Ace)-Rebirth. Relinquish and enjoy the new cleanliness of life.
2. Wands (Nine)- We will know our subconscious and it will make us insecure and agitated but excited. Be your own leader, make a decision that you've been truly decided on.
3. The Wheel of Fortune- A warning not to adopt an attitude that will only get you past the one problem, don't select sections of your life to look at. Look at the whole thing and use what you know to be what you need to be in life as a whole. Pay attention to long term.
4. Death- Something has come to an end. Either sadness or joy will erupt, and you are the one who needs to decide if there is something to change about the ending. Yet the reaper also has a harvest and will bring something in. And this is a direct quote: "Let go, in order to finish everything that is out of date, false, nonessential and fruitless. Let go completely so that you may harvest that which is ripe and worthwhile." What's right? What's wrong? What could be changed? How can you go about doing this?
5. Wands (Ace)- Vitality. Renewal through use of energies. Change indifference and take fire in your hand so that you can live and grow beyond old limitations, but you must embrace everything to do so.
Now, the first thing that came to your mind after reading that, the first idea that came out of that, there's the answer. That's what you need to do, because that's what it said: We will know our subconscious. That's your subconscious.
Only Women Bleed- Alice Cooper
Angry Chair- Alice in Chains
Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne
Rebel Yell- Billy Idol
The good news is, it's well past my birthday this time around... And don't worry. I don't feel slighted. I get it. I lost this game. I'm a pretty fair sport, I suppose. I'll just have to, as it says: Change indifference and take fire in your hand so that you can live and grow beyond old limitations, but you must embrace everything to do so. I can do that. I'm young and I spring back well. Being single hasn't killed me yet. Made me a little more interested in looking at man butts, but that's about it.
Changes-Black Sabbath
Who knows? Maybe what we want is what we can't have, and you're a little more like me than you bargained for. I apologize for rubbing off on you, because it sucks in the end.
I told you I know you.
And now, for the cold shower and the transference of imagined subjects. A.K.A. Time to stare at a wall..or into space...or something that I can just take a break from my rapidly moving neurons so I can have some peace and quiet.
In my opinion, I give up. I don't care. Yeah. It sounds so sweet, and, yeah, I know that that's a song. I know it. I know the words.
pick it. Man, I love the nature of this, the horrific details and all that, but it's too uncomfortable for me to be in it. I can't deal with this, and I just realized that I'm stuck in the middle. I heretofor remove myself from the mess. Fix it. I don't care. I know what I want, I know what I should want, and I've made it clear to you. You have the last move, or the other two of us are in limbo, and she doesn't even know that she is! And, you can be damn sure I'd converse with her if I ever ran into her on the street. I would even introduce myself. But I would never tell her anything you told me. I don't even think that I'd mention our pool outings. I wouldn't say I was your ex, even, because that could be bad. But I'd have a good long conversation with her.
The good news is, I've figured out which song I'm learning to play on my guitar first.
The Lips of an Angel-Hinder
Do you know what gets me, though? I think that you're still hung up about this, I don't think you got over our breakup. That's fine. That's fine. But I made you leave when it was us. I did not make you stick around in limbo, I never, ever could have done that. I did not like giving up perfection. And then I knew that to force you to stay would do more damage than forcing you to hate me. Do you want me to make you hate me again? Because I can. I could do it. I wouldn't believe what I was saying, but I could. All you have to do is tell me to do it.
Just, please, please, make up your mind.
I hate being confused. I have resorted to this:
What I've Done- Linkin Park
Yeah. You know I've been upset when: The song playlist changes to Linkin Park. I even tried to pull out the good ol' standbye of Numb, but it just didn't go so well, because I am anything but numb. You know what I feel? I feel like something is supposed to happen; I feel like whatever comes next will be the biggest thing that could possibly have happened so far, because I don't believe I've ever felt this strongly that "something" is going to go on, and soon. I feel lit more now than all week. Frigg.
Crawling-Linkin Park
I almost feel it strongly enough to pull out the tarot cards. Damn. I haven't needed them in a long time, and I might sway them with my mind... but I'll be good. I promise.
All I need- Radiohead
Tarot cards it is, now that I've got my breathing in check...and my mind out of the gutter. But I think I'll put it back in there later, I rather enjoyed the show. Memories serve better than anything. Damn.
Hungry Eyes-Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
The problem with tarot is that you need the right question. I don't know what to ask that won't make me feel guilty? How about, would it work out? But that's assuming anything happens. It might never go anywhere. And then the box said: "Shut up". So I did.
So: What is going to happen?
1. Cups (Ace)-Rebirth. Relinquish and enjoy the new cleanliness of life.
2. Wands (Nine)- We will know our subconscious and it will make us insecure and agitated but excited. Be your own leader, make a decision that you've been truly decided on.
3. The Wheel of Fortune- A warning not to adopt an attitude that will only get you past the one problem, don't select sections of your life to look at. Look at the whole thing and use what you know to be what you need to be in life as a whole. Pay attention to long term.
4. Death- Something has come to an end. Either sadness or joy will erupt, and you are the one who needs to decide if there is something to change about the ending. Yet the reaper also has a harvest and will bring something in. And this is a direct quote: "Let go, in order to finish everything that is out of date, false, nonessential and fruitless. Let go completely so that you may harvest that which is ripe and worthwhile." What's right? What's wrong? What could be changed? How can you go about doing this?
5. Wands (Ace)- Vitality. Renewal through use of energies. Change indifference and take fire in your hand so that you can live and grow beyond old limitations, but you must embrace everything to do so.
Now, the first thing that came to your mind after reading that, the first idea that came out of that, there's the answer. That's what you need to do, because that's what it said: We will know our subconscious. That's your subconscious.
Only Women Bleed- Alice Cooper
Angry Chair- Alice in Chains
Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne
Rebel Yell- Billy Idol
The good news is, it's well past my birthday this time around... And don't worry. I don't feel slighted. I get it. I lost this game. I'm a pretty fair sport, I suppose. I'll just have to, as it says: Change indifference and take fire in your hand so that you can live and grow beyond old limitations, but you must embrace everything to do so. I can do that. I'm young and I spring back well. Being single hasn't killed me yet. Made me a little more interested in looking at man butts, but that's about it.
Changes-Black Sabbath
Who knows? Maybe what we want is what we can't have, and you're a little more like me than you bargained for. I apologize for rubbing off on you, because it sucks in the end.
I told you I know you.
And now, for the cold shower and the transference of imagined subjects. A.K.A. Time to stare at a wall..or into space...or something that I can just take a break from my rapidly moving neurons so I can have some peace and quiet.
March 27 2008
So, I, Ever the geek, have found an interesting tidbit. Apparently it isn't too well known, because so many people are more likely to gossip about what that senator who slept with the prostitute is up to or the fact that Brangelina's related to Hilary and Obama...
No. My geeky tidbit is the best one I've personally heard in a long time.
They found water on one of Saturn's moons. Now, they're thinking that there is a potential heat spring beneath the surface of this little celestial body, Enceladus may actually have liquid water and therefore a potential for life!
Isn't that cool? Then we wouldn't be the only discovered-by-us- living things in the world as we know it.
Wow. Just found something out. Did you know we can't 'see' planets beyond a certain point? It's true. So now, what? Everyone tells their kids that there's no such thing as aliens, but what if THEY'RE LYING???
Going back to Enceladus, there's a hot spot at the southern pole that allows it to have a potential for a life. It also has something of an atmosphere.
Oh, man. It's so exciting to hear news like that since they knocked Pluto off the Solar System Heavenly Bodies list. I loved Pluto. It kicked Neptune's ass. Totally. And Mercury's. Definitely not Saturn's or Uranus' though. Those planets are my homies.
Hahaha. I think I'm going to make a solar system chart of small-scale for when I go away to school in the fall. And Then I'll put it up on a wall someone so everyone knows just how nerdy I am. Don't mess with the nerd-chick.
That would rock my socks.
And so, I suppose I could stop talking now, but I won't.
Did you know that in Spain they also found the continent's oldest human bone? It was a jaw bone of homo (okay, stop giggling) antecessor. This relation could be something related to both Neanderthals and Humans. (Another missing evolution? Or just a hoax?)
Anyway, they're saying it's 500 000 years older than the oldest known human remains found on that entire continent. It's about 1.3 million years old.
Think how long a million years old is. These bones have existed that long.
Really. there's:
1 Year. A baby should be making noises and stuff.
10 Years. A kid should be rollerblading and going to school by this time.
100 Years. We're dead, mostly. (Or are we mostly dead?)
1000 Years. Assuming there's a new generation every twenty years, there've been 50 generations of people. 50.
10000 Years. Entire geological changes are made. Look at the ice age. Look at global warming, which is only taking forty or fifty years. That could severely damage any chance of surviving fossils.
100000 Years. Now, come on. Can you even THINK of how much time this is? What happened a hundred thousand years ago? I don't even know... let's see... it was called the Pleistocene Epoch... All those fun, huge, death-inducing animals were around. Mammoths, Sabre-toothed tigers, giant sloths... you know, all that fun, scary stuff. YAY!
1000000 Years. This is a million. This is only one million. Add on the rest of the years to make it 1.3 million is crazy. Fire was still relatively new**, apparently. Like, hellloooo! That's a friggen long time!
Now, that's all fine and dandy, except for the people who said that the timing of humans leaving their Africa was one thing when clearly, we have a human being who left just a wee bit earlier. These remains are said to bear resemblence to a fossil dug up from Soviet's Georgia (ooh, it was his brother!)
You know, I'd like to be found, hundreds of thousands or even millions of years from now. That would be cool. It was the Mesozoic era... ish. Well, the end of it, and closer to the beginning of the Cretaceous era. There were still dinosaurs, I'm assuming, since the next section won't start until 66 Ma (Million Years Ago).
And they would have lived through the ice age and all that, I'm thinking.
Yeah, that would be..cool. Hahahaa. Cool. I made a funny. :D
Anyway, seriously, I totally like that idea. Let's do it. Someone build me a time machine!
** You have to assume that every single day, us humans are "discovering" More and more about the past, so this will NOT be completely accurate...Hahaha. It'd be funny to read a caveman's journal:
Today, I woke up to the mate snoring in my face. Of course, she stole all the Mammoth-skin--again. So, I walked out of our cave, and past the mastadon, and decided that today I would go for a walk to the river. Well, on my way there, it began to rain, thunder and lightning. Stupid weather. I'd been working on that scum for a month and a half.
Anyway, the lightning struck a tree and the most interesting thing happened: It lit up! Just BOOM! FLASH! PCSHWAAA! FAWOOF! Yes, that is how it sounded. And then, I walked over to the strange flickering, and stuck my hand in it.
As my mate was cleaning the owwie, she said I'm as dumb as a bird, especially since I spent all my hunt time on getting that flat rock rolling. One day I'll show her. One day I'll be right...
No. My geeky tidbit is the best one I've personally heard in a long time.
They found water on one of Saturn's moons. Now, they're thinking that there is a potential heat spring beneath the surface of this little celestial body, Enceladus may actually have liquid water and therefore a potential for life!
Isn't that cool? Then we wouldn't be the only discovered-by-us- living things in the world as we know it.
Wow. Just found something out. Did you know we can't 'see' planets beyond a certain point? It's true. So now, what? Everyone tells their kids that there's no such thing as aliens, but what if THEY'RE LYING???
Going back to Enceladus, there's a hot spot at the southern pole that allows it to have a potential for a life. It also has something of an atmosphere.
Oh, man. It's so exciting to hear news like that since they knocked Pluto off the Solar System Heavenly Bodies list. I loved Pluto. It kicked Neptune's ass. Totally. And Mercury's. Definitely not Saturn's or Uranus' though. Those planets are my homies.
Hahaha. I think I'm going to make a solar system chart of small-scale for when I go away to school in the fall. And Then I'll put it up on a wall someone so everyone knows just how nerdy I am. Don't mess with the nerd-chick.
That would rock my socks.
And so, I suppose I could stop talking now, but I won't.
Did you know that in Spain they also found the continent's oldest human bone? It was a jaw bone of homo (okay, stop giggling) antecessor. This relation could be something related to both Neanderthals and Humans. (Another missing evolution? Or just a hoax?)
Anyway, they're saying it's 500 000 years older than the oldest known human remains found on that entire continent. It's about 1.3 million years old.
Think how long a million years old is. These bones have existed that long.
Really. there's:
1 Year. A baby should be making noises and stuff.
10 Years. A kid should be rollerblading and going to school by this time.
100 Years. We're dead, mostly. (Or are we mostly dead?)
1000 Years. Assuming there's a new generation every twenty years, there've been 50 generations of people. 50.
10000 Years. Entire geological changes are made. Look at the ice age. Look at global warming, which is only taking forty or fifty years. That could severely damage any chance of surviving fossils.
100000 Years. Now, come on. Can you even THINK of how much time this is? What happened a hundred thousand years ago? I don't even know... let's see... it was called the Pleistocene Epoch... All those fun, huge, death-inducing animals were around. Mammoths, Sabre-toothed tigers, giant sloths... you know, all that fun, scary stuff. YAY!
1000000 Years. This is a million. This is only one million. Add on the rest of the years to make it 1.3 million is crazy. Fire was still relatively new**, apparently. Like, hellloooo! That's a friggen long time!
Now, that's all fine and dandy, except for the people who said that the timing of humans leaving their Africa was one thing when clearly, we have a human being who left just a wee bit earlier. These remains are said to bear resemblence to a fossil dug up from Soviet's Georgia (ooh, it was his brother!)
You know, I'd like to be found, hundreds of thousands or even millions of years from now. That would be cool. It was the Mesozoic era... ish. Well, the end of it, and closer to the beginning of the Cretaceous era. There were still dinosaurs, I'm assuming, since the next section won't start until 66 Ma (Million Years Ago).
And they would have lived through the ice age and all that, I'm thinking.
Yeah, that would be..cool. Hahahaa. Cool. I made a funny. :D
Anyway, seriously, I totally like that idea. Let's do it. Someone build me a time machine!
** You have to assume that every single day, us humans are "discovering" More and more about the past, so this will NOT be completely accurate...Hahaha. It'd be funny to read a caveman's journal:
Today, I woke up to the mate snoring in my face. Of course, she stole all the Mammoth-skin--again. So, I walked out of our cave, and past the mastadon, and decided that today I would go for a walk to the river. Well, on my way there, it began to rain, thunder and lightning. Stupid weather. I'd been working on that scum for a month and a half.
Anyway, the lightning struck a tree and the most interesting thing happened: It lit up! Just BOOM! FLASH! PCSHWAAA! FAWOOF! Yes, that is how it sounded. And then, I walked over to the strange flickering, and stuck my hand in it.
As my mate was cleaning the owwie, she said I'm as dumb as a bird, especially since I spent all my hunt time on getting that flat rock rolling. One day I'll show her. One day I'll be right...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
March 25th 2008
I just realized what I want in life. Overall, I want passion.
How could I have not known that? It’s obvious! All the books I read, all the movies I watch, they’re all about being passionate about something. And after every movie I watch, I feel the same longing for the feeling of passion that the characters have…
I love to dance, I love rugby, I loved cheerleading… I fall deeply in love until it becomes something that’s a ritual, done because I have to. The passion fizzles out and I lose my interest. Why is it that I am like that? Will I ever be able to lose that longing, because it makes my life a living hell?
It’s what I’ve needed. I have passion for other things, when I have no where else to put it, ‘else I wouldn’t fight so hard for things I don’t particularly believe in. I need someone passionate. I need to find what I’m looking for, and soon or else, I’m in trouble.
Oh, god, now I’m confused as hell…and lost…and longing for something that I haven’t found yet. I have to go and find something to get my mind off the problem. Alcohol, here I come. I need to paint.
I need passion in my life, because if I don’t have something to love, be obsessed with, I’m just not happy, am I? Maybe that’s why it took so long to get Dyl out of my head, because he was as passionate as I was about a few things… He loved his guitar as much as I loved books; he loved sex as much as I did. He loved touching as much as I did.
Oh, lord, oh lord.
I am so screwed.
(The previous was my personal on-computer-diary input from yesterday, and I just thought that it typified who I am a little better.)
How could I have not known that? It’s obvious! All the books I read, all the movies I watch, they’re all about being passionate about something. And after every movie I watch, I feel the same longing for the feeling of passion that the characters have…
I love to dance, I love rugby, I loved cheerleading… I fall deeply in love until it becomes something that’s a ritual, done because I have to. The passion fizzles out and I lose my interest. Why is it that I am like that? Will I ever be able to lose that longing, because it makes my life a living hell?
It’s what I’ve needed. I have passion for other things, when I have no where else to put it, ‘else I wouldn’t fight so hard for things I don’t particularly believe in. I need someone passionate. I need to find what I’m looking for, and soon or else, I’m in trouble.
Oh, god, now I’m confused as hell…and lost…and longing for something that I haven’t found yet. I have to go and find something to get my mind off the problem. Alcohol, here I come. I need to paint.
I need passion in my life, because if I don’t have something to love, be obsessed with, I’m just not happy, am I? Maybe that’s why it took so long to get Dyl out of my head, because he was as passionate as I was about a few things… He loved his guitar as much as I loved books; he loved sex as much as I did. He loved touching as much as I did.
Oh, lord, oh lord.
I am so screwed.
(The previous was my personal on-computer-diary input from yesterday, and I just thought that it typified who I am a little better.)
Monday, March 24, 2008
March 24, 2008**rant warning**
I just realized that I really have been overestimating humans, and it's obvious when one searches something online. I searched crumping, which is a (slightly incorrect spelling, but I was pulling it from hearing it somewhere) form of dance, and pulled up a whole lot of really nasty-sounding people who said a whole lot of stuff that just didn't seem very nice. Well.
Then I was searching cheerleading because I'm an ex cheerleader and I like to keep up on the times, and here's the urban-dictionary link that I came up with:
(link)
Tell me that's not horrible! Now, I play rugby, which I'm sure everyone who's ever read any blog knows. And, admitted, it's a friggen hard sport to play. It causes people pain. But that doesn't mean anything. It's awesome, it's a sport.
I've also played baseball, which in my opinion, isn't a difficult sport. You don't need to be able to run, you don't need hand eye coordination; you need to be able to throw a fit and yell a little at the other team, and that's about it. I know, because that's how we play. Now, when you play seriously, like, where you're paying three hundred and fifty dollars to play on a shi...crappy team with nothing but whiney kids who complain because the last six pitches they threw were off., that's different. Now you're paying money to play a crappy sport.
Which I really do like, btw.
But when someone tells me that basketball is more of a sport than cheerleading, I can't help but laugh.
At them, not with them. Don't knock it till you try it. I'm telling you now, that it is one of the hardest sports I have EVER played, in my life. Not only do you need to be flexible, you also need to be able to count. How many football players can count?
Not that many, I know.
I danced for eight years, so I can count, but cheerleading is damn hard. You also have to smile like there's no tomorrow, and even when your school/team/ both suck, you have to cheer it on! You have to deal with practises that a basketball player would cry after, because you've just spent an hour standing on someone's hands. You've just run for long enough that breathing is a forgotten trick. You've just stretched so much that if your elbows aren't detatched, your spine sure as hell is.
Rugby is almost, but not quite, as bad.
And I don't think that any human being should knock something without trying it twice, because the first time might have been a fluke.
Then I was searching cheerleading because I'm an ex cheerleader and I like to keep up on the times, and here's the urban-dictionary link that I came up with:
(link)
Tell me that's not horrible! Now, I play rugby, which I'm sure everyone who's ever read any blog knows. And, admitted, it's a friggen hard sport to play. It causes people pain. But that doesn't mean anything. It's awesome, it's a sport.
I've also played baseball, which in my opinion, isn't a difficult sport. You don't need to be able to run, you don't need hand eye coordination; you need to be able to throw a fit and yell a little at the other team, and that's about it. I know, because that's how we play. Now, when you play seriously, like, where you're paying three hundred and fifty dollars to play on a shi...crappy team with nothing but whiney kids who complain because the last six pitches they threw were off., that's different. Now you're paying money to play a crappy sport.
Which I really do like, btw.
But when someone tells me that basketball is more of a sport than cheerleading, I can't help but laugh.
At them, not with them. Don't knock it till you try it. I'm telling you now, that it is one of the hardest sports I have EVER played, in my life. Not only do you need to be flexible, you also need to be able to count. How many football players can count?
Not that many, I know.
I danced for eight years, so I can count, but cheerleading is damn hard. You also have to smile like there's no tomorrow, and even when your school/team/ both suck, you have to cheer it on! You have to deal with practises that a basketball player would cry after, because you've just spent an hour standing on someone's hands. You've just run for long enough that breathing is a forgotten trick. You've just stretched so much that if your elbows aren't detatched, your spine sure as hell is.
Rugby is almost, but not quite, as bad.
And I don't think that any human being should knock something without trying it twice, because the first time might have been a fluke.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Thursday March 20, 2008
So, rugby finally had sign-ups today at school. I decided to join silver in a diet to take off the extra five, ten or fifteen (Depends on when the limit is hit, really, because I get really tired if I don't eat five hundred meals a day or I do too much excercise and lose too much weight) pounds. Anyway, it shouldn't be that hard, as long as I jog back and forth to school whilst chasing after my rugby ball-easy enough since I'm teaching myself to kick it. Yay?
I figure, I might as well attempt to learn something before the season starts. Actually, I'm particularily interested in learning the slide pickup we were supposed to know last year. I have a horribly dark, terrible secret: I can't slide. I can't slide in baseball, I can't slide in rugby... I just can't. I can't even just slide on my knees. I can't willfully throw myself at the ground and feel safe enough. I would rather do cartwheels than use a slip and slide. I am so terrified of sliding that it hurts to think about it.
There is a logical reasoning.
Once, twice, three or four or six times, and I'm sure I'm not done, I've twisted my ankles. Both. Yes. I have horrible ankles from dancing on improperly laid floors. Anyway, those really lazy ankles of mine aren't really weak, in fact they're strong-- they just twist all the time. It's probably because I'm a clutz. A huge clutz. I swear it.
Anyway, so last season, the coaches attempted to teach us to do this slide thing on grass. And I freaked. I can't even get to the point where I should tip my feet over. I mean, I understand the physics of it all, and the mechanics. Telling me over and over how to do it is NOT going to help. I understand how to do it. But getting up there and just DOING it, is so hard. I'm not afraid to run head-on at a three hundred pound "ogre", but I'm terrified of sliding on the grass. With socks on. Come to think of it, I'm not afraid to take on the biggest enemy around, weapon or not, but I can not muster up the courage to get past a knee-bend. I just... stop. Like, there's a level that I just can't jump, a barrier in my mind that "Damn, this is so dumb, why are you doing this?" that repeats like a mantra until I just give up.
Now, this is NOT my fear of leeches. That's a phobia. I just... blank. I can't think. I can't move. I can stand and stutter, and freak, but I can't control my actions.
But this, this slide thing, I've had guys try to show me how to slide for like, four years. That is one hell of a lot of lesson. I KNOW how to, I just CAN'T! I understand that you tip your bottom leg under, roll your shoe toe down, gracefully position to slightly skim calf, thigh and hip before bouncing back up. But to do it is a completely different thing. Once, I remember having half my baseball team try to show me how to slide, all at once.
I still can't slide.
I had private lessons with someone who's been sliding forever... okay, private lessons with like, three someones who've been sliding for, like, ever.
I still can't slide.
Last season of rugby, we spent nearly two hours on trying to learn to slide, I had the forward coach teach me right down to angles, how to slide.
I STILL can't slide.
But this season, I WILL learn how to slide. That is my season-long goal, to learn to slide in rugby, thereby gaining what will be useless knowledge on sliding in baseball, since I'm not playing this year; well, nothing but pickups...
But in rugby, I will learn, I will conquer this random fear and put it to rest somewhere else.
I, Nifzeta, hereby swear to work on sliding for as long as is deemed necessary to learn to slide; I swear to safety and other like concerns, as well as the jaunts into the men's changerooms. I mean, Ahem.
I swear that I will learn to slide in my rugby cleats, on grass, with intent to do so, and also, to be able to draw in the ball that has been placed on the pitch. I swear my honest ability in this are.
Anyway, now that I'm done this, I've decided that I'm terribly tired and it's time to go to sleep. Good night:D
I figure, I might as well attempt to learn something before the season starts. Actually, I'm particularily interested in learning the slide pickup we were supposed to know last year. I have a horribly dark, terrible secret: I can't slide. I can't slide in baseball, I can't slide in rugby... I just can't. I can't even just slide on my knees. I can't willfully throw myself at the ground and feel safe enough. I would rather do cartwheels than use a slip and slide. I am so terrified of sliding that it hurts to think about it.
There is a logical reasoning.
Once, twice, three or four or six times, and I'm sure I'm not done, I've twisted my ankles. Both. Yes. I have horrible ankles from dancing on improperly laid floors. Anyway, those really lazy ankles of mine aren't really weak, in fact they're strong-- they just twist all the time. It's probably because I'm a clutz. A huge clutz. I swear it.
Anyway, so last season, the coaches attempted to teach us to do this slide thing on grass. And I freaked. I can't even get to the point where I should tip my feet over. I mean, I understand the physics of it all, and the mechanics. Telling me over and over how to do it is NOT going to help. I understand how to do it. But getting up there and just DOING it, is so hard. I'm not afraid to run head-on at a three hundred pound "ogre", but I'm terrified of sliding on the grass. With socks on. Come to think of it, I'm not afraid to take on the biggest enemy around, weapon or not, but I can not muster up the courage to get past a knee-bend. I just... stop. Like, there's a level that I just can't jump, a barrier in my mind that "Damn, this is so dumb, why are you doing this?" that repeats like a mantra until I just give up.
Now, this is NOT my fear of leeches. That's a phobia. I just... blank. I can't think. I can't move. I can stand and stutter, and freak, but I can't control my actions.
But this, this slide thing, I've had guys try to show me how to slide for like, four years. That is one hell of a lot of lesson. I KNOW how to, I just CAN'T! I understand that you tip your bottom leg under, roll your shoe toe down, gracefully position to slightly skim calf, thigh and hip before bouncing back up. But to do it is a completely different thing. Once, I remember having half my baseball team try to show me how to slide, all at once.
I still can't slide.
I had private lessons with someone who's been sliding forever... okay, private lessons with like, three someones who've been sliding for, like, ever.
I still can't slide.
Last season of rugby, we spent nearly two hours on trying to learn to slide, I had the forward coach teach me right down to angles, how to slide.
I STILL can't slide.
But this season, I WILL learn how to slide. That is my season-long goal, to learn to slide in rugby, thereby gaining what will be useless knowledge on sliding in baseball, since I'm not playing this year; well, nothing but pickups...
But in rugby, I will learn, I will conquer this random fear and put it to rest somewhere else.
I, Nifzeta, hereby swear to work on sliding for as long as is deemed necessary to learn to slide; I swear to safety and other like concerns, as well as the jaunts into the men's changerooms. I mean, Ahem.
I swear that I will learn to slide in my rugby cleats, on grass, with intent to do so, and also, to be able to draw in the ball that has been placed on the pitch. I swear my honest ability in this are.
Anyway, now that I'm done this, I've decided that I'm terribly tired and it's time to go to sleep. Good night:D
Friday, March 14, 2008
March 14, 2008
P.S. (Pre Script: Anything written in Pink was what what came up on my limewire playlist. That's right, I'm so horrible that I use limewire. If you have a problem, I have two words, and one starts with an "f". Guess what they are.)
So.
You know those days when you come home from work and you're all just like "Ah, I think I'll relax... Let's have a drink..."
Well that's not helping. But I like peach schnapps a lot, so a few more glasses will do the trick. Actually, I think I'll work on the butter shots next.
I truly dislike confusing dramatic subjects. I do. I can't stand them... because now I'm sitting here, shaking my head going "what the hell?" Oh, and I'm enjoying my drink, and laughing at CollegeBFF who shall henceforth be named "silvermoon" for sake of ease of explanation... (wait, done my drink, need a new one.)(okay. I've drank my fill. I'm getting tired already. I need to build up my immunity to alcohol, 'cause I'm such a cheap drunk.)
I have the best date I've had in a long time A VERY long time--with an ex who's dating someone else.
Peachy.
And why aren't there more of him walking the world? (haha, I've heard that one about myself. Mr. West49-er at my school always says we need more of me in the world, because most women are too spazzy. Yay me.)
Why couldn't pitcher be simple, like me???
Hi, I'm nifty, nice to meet you. I think you're hot. Do me.
Or,
Hi, I'm nifty, nice to meet you. You're fugly, and you have no chance of EVER sharing my bed. Let's just be friends.
Seriously. Jeeze. No random insinuation and getting under my skin. No silly laying down potential railways only to derail the train. No silly pointless statements of could be.
Yes, I'll do you.
No, I will not do you.
In, out, easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.
Off faster than a dirty shirt in a monday wash. (haha, Mr. Archer rocks.) :D:D (Go photography. I love that class... Ooh, remembering that, I have eighteen shots on the camera and no babies or old people around. I might want to get onto my homework now... NO more drinking for Nifty tonight. Euw, I think I'm going to get some veggies to make even with the hundred billion calories I just DRANK.
Down with the Sickness-Disturbed
Anyway, so that's my life in a nutshell. Hell in a handbasket, for sure.
Candyman-Christina Aguilera
Aargh. Hi, I'm Nifty, do me.
Yeah, Sounds like fun. I'm in for that.
War and Pain-Voivod
What about that insane need for guy-attention. I woke up and actually put on makeup. Over the march break. Where I ran around all day. What the hell? I even showered!!! Aak.
Crazy Train- Black Sabbath
Anyway, Ain't got much more to complain about.
Ow, my shin hurts. I think I need new shoes.
Ow, my shin hurts. I think I need new shoes.
Man, I feel fat.
Awww, rugby season won't start for another week or so:'(
Waaah! I got yelled at this morning.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
Ooh,,, Trent U. Rugby. Mmmmm... More butter Shots. Mmm.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
March 4th, 2008.
Well, so, my life's gotten interesting.
And, yeah, I think that if everything were perfect I'd date Pitcher again. Long story short, he talked to me, freaked me out, I was worrying about it all night, for him to come over and say "nevermind" until I had to beat it out of him.
*sigh*
I don't know. Lately that's all I've wanted, was to talk to him again, because I was just so unhappy with what happened last time.
So unhappy, that I looked him up, and his phone number, and have it on my wall, in case I got the guts to call him.
But I didn't, and then he called me.
Now kiki's telling me "Go for it," But I'd feel bad saying yes, because then someone's going to get hurt--and it wouldn't be me, yet.
I couldn't do that to a girl, I'd feel guilty.
Besides, did anyone stop to think what it would be like to get into old habits again? "Yeah, I dated your son, destroyed a relationship, and I think I'll just try the dating thing again... so, how were the two years I wasn't around?"
And, yeah, I think that if everything were perfect I'd date Pitcher again. Long story short, he talked to me, freaked me out, I was worrying about it all night, for him to come over and say "nevermind" until I had to beat it out of him.
*sigh*
I don't know. Lately that's all I've wanted, was to talk to him again, because I was just so unhappy with what happened last time.
So unhappy, that I looked him up, and his phone number, and have it on my wall, in case I got the guts to call him.
But I didn't, and then he called me.
Now kiki's telling me "Go for it," But I'd feel bad saying yes, because then someone's going to get hurt--and it wouldn't be me, yet.
I couldn't do that to a girl, I'd feel guilty.
Besides, did anyone stop to think what it would be like to get into old habits again? "Yeah, I dated your son, destroyed a relationship, and I think I'll just try the dating thing again... so, how were the two years I wasn't around?"
Saturday, March 1, 2008
March 1, 2008
So, today I went to see Footloose the Musical which was put on by the Junior troupe of Theatre Ancaster...? I hope. It was pretty good, I guess. There were a few really good lines used. I enjoyed it. I'd love to act in one, though. That would be fun.
So then I got home, and I sat for five minutes, and I have this horrible, horrible habit of playing with my earrings. I have, like, nine of them, two of which I had to repierce. Imagine that. That was actually baseball for you, I had to take them out on account of they're in my ears and they could get ripped out. So instead, I take them out and they get infected and heal over. Great, twenty wasted bucks.
So, I just pierced them myself.
Well, I was sitting here in my room, and I thought Oh, hell! I lost my favourite earrings, the comedy/tragedy mask! Only the one I had in my right ear though. And as I'm feeling around my ear and shoulder, thinking maybe it just fell out, I spotted it on the floor behind me. Whew! Then, I noticed that it looked much more solid than it should have, with a higher metal ratio. What the hell, it's back is still on! Now, confused, I reach up to my right ear and-sure enough- the hole that I pierced myself just ripped out. But it was the scar tissue that did, and it just...fell off. It was so weird. So I had to re-pierce the same hole--again.
But now, when you look at my right ear, I have a small piece of the edge missing. It's my own special scar...Coolio.
So then I got home, and I sat for five minutes, and I have this horrible, horrible habit of playing with my earrings. I have, like, nine of them, two of which I had to repierce. Imagine that. That was actually baseball for you, I had to take them out on account of they're in my ears and they could get ripped out. So instead, I take them out and they get infected and heal over. Great, twenty wasted bucks.
So, I just pierced them myself.
Well, I was sitting here in my room, and I thought Oh, hell! I lost my favourite earrings, the comedy/tragedy mask! Only the one I had in my right ear though. And as I'm feeling around my ear and shoulder, thinking maybe it just fell out, I spotted it on the floor behind me. Whew! Then, I noticed that it looked much more solid than it should have, with a higher metal ratio. What the hell, it's back is still on! Now, confused, I reach up to my right ear and-sure enough- the hole that I pierced myself just ripped out. But it was the scar tissue that did, and it just...fell off. It was so weird. So I had to re-pierce the same hole--again.
But now, when you look at my right ear, I have a small piece of the edge missing. It's my own special scar...Coolio.
Monday, February 25, 2008
February 25 2008
Okay, so I'm in a dilemma. A dilemma-ous spot. Yes.
I've been accepted to Brock U.
I was also accepted to Trent U.
And I don't know where to go now. I like both programs.
I like both schools. So now, to decide, I'll do a pro/con list.
Not right now, of course, because I have a problem doing that since I haven't got one worked out. But there will most definitely be more than one entry today, as I think about Pro/Cons. And probably more as I go along. And then, I shall choose on a fifty fifty of (pro/con) vs. (because I want to).
I've been accepted to Brock U.
I was also accepted to Trent U.
And I don't know where to go now. I like both programs.
I like both schools. So now, to decide, I'll do a pro/con list.
Not right now, of course, because I have a problem doing that since I haven't got one worked out. But there will most definitely be more than one entry today, as I think about Pro/Cons. And probably more as I go along. And then, I shall choose on a fifty fifty of (pro/con) vs. (because I want to).
Saturday, February 23, 2008
February 23 2008
Okay, I just had the longest, freakiest dream since I stopped dating Backcatcher. I just dreamed that he showed up at my grandma's house, told me he was single, and we just jumped right back into a relationsip. And I woke up tired, unhappy, and freaked out.
I haven't dreamt about him in so long, you don't even know. It's so scary. I have to go to work, I just wanted to get this down, but... Then I was like, that was weird. It was long, and so much went on that I had to check out if he was single... Then when I signed into msn, this is the horoscope that came up:
Aquarius
January 20 - February 17Your natural psychic abilities may be short-circuited today, dear Aquarius. If you give readings, try to avoid doing any today. Interference from the minds of people other than your clients could cloud the issue, and this won't do anyone any good. Your imaginative faculties could be rather garbled as well. The best possible advice: take the day for yourself and go for a massage! You can go back to your routine tomorrow.
Now, isn't that interesting? So I'll check later, and report back here, but otherwise...what a dream! It wasn't even that sexual or anything, it was just... we were together, and we talked, and we walked around, and we talked to other people, and he was just there.
I didn't even know I wanted a relationship with him, in fact, I pretty much have no interest in him anymore... he's not my type. But that was weird. Maybe I'm just starved for affection and relationship status, maybe it's time I meet a new guy and date.
I haven't dreamt about him in so long, you don't even know. It's so scary. I have to go to work, I just wanted to get this down, but... Then I was like, that was weird. It was long, and so much went on that I had to check out if he was single... Then when I signed into msn, this is the horoscope that came up:
Aquarius
January 20 - February 17Your natural psychic abilities may be short-circuited today, dear Aquarius. If you give readings, try to avoid doing any today. Interference from the minds of people other than your clients could cloud the issue, and this won't do anyone any good. Your imaginative faculties could be rather garbled as well. The best possible advice: take the day for yourself and go for a massage! You can go back to your routine tomorrow.
Now, isn't that interesting? So I'll check later, and report back here, but otherwise...what a dream! It wasn't even that sexual or anything, it was just... we were together, and we talked, and we walked around, and we talked to other people, and he was just there.
I didn't even know I wanted a relationship with him, in fact, I pretty much have no interest in him anymore... he's not my type. But that was weird. Maybe I'm just starved for affection and relationship status, maybe it's time I meet a new guy and date.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
February 20, 2008
So, I totally wrote up this whole blog about how I got accepted into Trent U. And then Blogger wouldn't post it. So I wrote it on dA instead. Too bad. But, yeah, I did get accepted.
Furthermore, I've been realizing more and more how much of a nerd I can be. There was this one day that we were sitting at a caf table during lunch, (there were six of us). Of the six people, four were reading novels thick enough to give a football player a black eye (but not a rugby player, because we eat bananas). The two remaining people, both guys, were trying to hack the wi-fi for the school.
Nice. Then, today, while I was eating salad, pancakes and drinking mint tea after work at ten thirty at night, I ran into a quote in the pure romance novel that I was reading while eating. (So, I've been a little low on male company for the last... oh, three or four months now. What's your point?) Anyway, here's the quote:
"Each movement was strangely deliberate-from soap to water to the rub, methodical and familiar-and Dela wondered if it was not part of some ritual, a coping mechanism. Washing his hands clean of the night." This is in relationship for the five guys he just helped murder to protect the heroine, Dela.
Now, the first thing that I thought after I read this was: "huh. Kind of like Lady Macbeth, eh? With the crazy sleep-washing episodes, except Artur is awake."
The second thing was "Holy hell, I just linked a dirty romance novel to Macbeth!"
Currently, I'm thinking that Shakespeare's rolling over in his grave. Well, maybe not, since half the crap he wrote was dirty, dimestore and very sexually driven. Eg: "Maiden's heads" does not refer to a skull covered by hair and skin. Eg: The entire play of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Okay, so maybe Shakespeare and Smut novels aren't all that much different...
Furthermore, I've been realizing more and more how much of a nerd I can be. There was this one day that we were sitting at a caf table during lunch, (there were six of us). Of the six people, four were reading novels thick enough to give a football player a black eye (but not a rugby player, because we eat bananas). The two remaining people, both guys, were trying to hack the wi-fi for the school.
Nice. Then, today, while I was eating salad, pancakes and drinking mint tea after work at ten thirty at night, I ran into a quote in the pure romance novel that I was reading while eating. (So, I've been a little low on male company for the last... oh, three or four months now. What's your point?) Anyway, here's the quote:
"Each movement was strangely deliberate-from soap to water to the rub, methodical and familiar-and Dela wondered if it was not part of some ritual, a coping mechanism. Washing his hands clean of the night." This is in relationship for the five guys he just helped murder to protect the heroine, Dela.
Now, the first thing that I thought after I read this was: "huh. Kind of like Lady Macbeth, eh? With the crazy sleep-washing episodes, except Artur is awake."
The second thing was "Holy hell, I just linked a dirty romance novel to Macbeth!"
Currently, I'm thinking that Shakespeare's rolling over in his grave. Well, maybe not, since half the crap he wrote was dirty, dimestore and very sexually driven. Eg: "Maiden's heads" does not refer to a skull covered by hair and skin. Eg: The entire play of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Okay, so maybe Shakespeare and Smut novels aren't all that much different...
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
February 12, 2008
Wow. I was just doing my homework... Damn right, I said homework. I actually work on school stuff outside of school... impossible, non?
Anyway, I think I'm getting art-ed out... Or, maybe my hand's just tired and my brain's done thinking... either way, I know that it's too much thinking for me. So I'm taking a break.
You know it's time to take a break from work when your brain starts to look at romance story lines and your body follows suit.
Hell.
I think that this is one of the reasons I need University to hurry it's damn self up. I love being single, but I hate being single sometimes. I just don't like not having someone to be with when I feel like having them. So, maybe I was a sailor in one past life, but in a different one I was a countess who had men at her disposal.
Actually, I feel kind of like a werewolf. I don't want to be around anyone else, I want to be alone, yet here I sit longing for someone, so much so that FB started coming to mind again. I don't want to be with him in any dating sense, I just want to know what he's up to (And if his bed's cold).
But it has nothing to do with him, because then I think about this character that I invented, and I think nearly the same thing for my main female character. Man, I need some supreme cuddle time at school. I love my non-single friends. They're pretty awesome. They were pretty interested in hugging me all the time, and I like that. I like knowing that nothing could ever happen between us, but that it's okay to be all cuddly. Actually, there's two guys in particular that I feel particularly open to. It's not usual that I find two guys to be close to. And I mean it. I would totally be able to sleep with these guys and just enjoy it. I'm not saying that it'll ever happen, but I like the fact that it could happen.
Wow. Talk about openness. Oh well, it's my blog. I'm just feeling lonely.
Someone needs to write a book about relationships in singledom. :D If I knew anything, I'd write one.
The only thing is, I don't want to get into a relationship with someone random, because they don't get me, they don't know what I want from it. I don't want to be serious. I don't want to wake up every single day and dote on them. I want to dote on me. I want to be selfish. I want to have what I want, when I want... but I also don't want a grab and go sandwich, if you know what I mean. I want someone who will be there when I need them to be, physically or emotionally, and who knows when to stay away from me, because I don't like being attached at the hip. In fact, I can't stand it. I hate it. It's so... frustrating, to have to talk to someone about every little thing that you think, and they just don't get it half the time, because they're not in your head.
That's what I want.
I want someone who can get in my head, so we can play debates, have hot monkey sex, debate some more while we're eating, have another romp, and then roll over and go to sleep.
Oh, boy. I want perfection. 'Cause that's likely to be found.
*sigh.* I really did sigh out loud there.
I'm so hard to please.
But if you think you fit the bill, definitely call me, or just jump me, or something like that. I'd be happy either way.
Other than that, I think also that I'm all thought out, and that I need to get a shower, a nice, meditative, self-cleansing shower. Yes. So, good night, I'm off for the night, I hope.
Monday, February 11, 2008
February 11, 2008
Wow, it's been so long since I blogged anything, it's just been that I've been doing so many other things... For instance: it was my b-day party and I got the coolest stuff... a clarinet, the rocky horror picture show record, a bunch of canvases to paint on, and a sweet little personalizable TML CD case... Rockin'.
Anyway, so I've also started classes, which makes it difficult to get other things done, because those classes come with homework.
Then, I also spend all my time on the computer, writing stories and such.
Anyway, to keep you up to speed, I just applied to all of the school's varsity women's rugby teams. I don't know if I'll make them, but I applied.
So there. And that was all.
Oh, and by my reccomendation, listen to some Flogging Molly. It's good music. Very cool. I accidentally happened upon it one day and it just is perfect for everything. Yay!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
February 6, 2008
Two days since my birthday, and I still haven't drank. Anything. Damn.
That doesn't really bother me, though. What bothers me is that I consistently think of men, and well, what I've been missing since I destroyed my last relationship with a guy. But it's not like I want the relationship back, in fact I'm much happier now that I'm single; I really do think that I'm meant to be single, or that the next mate I find will be permanent, because I'm just not playing around anymore. I don't care. It's not worth my time to fool around in year-and-several months-relationships.
*Whatever happened to men who took what they wanted, whether the woman wanted it or just secretly wanted it while saying 'no' the whole while? Did they all venture to another planet? If so, I'm leaving Earth.*
So, I really need to find my mate. I'm sick of just talking. I want to find said mate.
I think this subject is done. I'm bored with it now.
On the plus side, Rugby season's coming soon, and then I won't have time to do anything else anyway, except for admire my butt and enjoy the puking feeling while practising my ass off... literally.
Just one more reason to adore rugby. Ignore the fact that half of them are very likely nearing thirty... or forty. They still all have very nice physiques.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
February 4, 2008
So, today's my b-day. And, since I'm nineteen, I'll tell you all nineteen things I'll bet that you didn't know about me. Keep count on the ones you did know, and make a comment, then we'll see who knows me best.
1. I am an ex-cheerleader.
2. I used to have pink hair.
3. I won the French award in grade 8 for the highest marks in the grade.
4. I believe that I've seen my soul mate in dreams. And everyone wonders why I'm obsessed with Greece and Rome. It's because he's Greek or Roman.
5. My favourite stories to read are romances, which are so predictable, but so good when you don't get any loving. Or when you do. Or when you're just in the mood for perfection.
6. I am obsessed with zodiac signs and really believe in them, mostly.
7. I have a tattoo of my zodiac sign on my right, back shoulder.
8. It is of my zodiac sign, aquarius, and it is blue.
9. I am obsessed with my abs. Every other part of me could be gross, but my abs are good, and so am I.
10. Therefore, I enjoy bikinis. My favourite bathing suit is a blue halter top, which, incidentally, is ruined from wearing it to Supie.
11. I was a Supie for three years at three different parks, and therefore know the majority of kids around my city.
12. I actually care that Heath Ledger is dead. He was a good looking man. //edit: DAMN good looking//.
13. The first thing I notice about a guy is how competitive he is. The more competitive, the more interested I am in debating on every.little.thing. with him. The more I debate, the more I fall for him. If I don't fight with a guy over everything, I don't care enough to get into it.
14. I sleep for a long time. I need that sleep, or I wake up super hyper-ly, and then my nerves fray very quickly so that by lunch, I'm pissed off at everything.
15. When I think, I think in very logical terms. Everything has logic, even if it seems stupid. Seriously. I over think everything, to a tee.
16. I've mellowed out since I turned 16. If I'm this annoying now, think of how bad I was before. Really. I was annoying as hell.
17. I have had strep throat twice, due to it transferring from me, to pitcher, and back to me. But mine was worse. I swear.
18. Usually, the more ballsy I act, the more I'm terrified inside. If I'm being all aloof and smooth and sharp-witted, I'm completely nervous, and that's the only way to stop it from showing, so that's what I do.
19. (The last one!) I am a complete attention hog, completely obsessed with myself, and I am really vain. My idea of beauty may not parallel everyone else's, but I always look exactly the way I want to look, sexy or not. It's always a purposeful look. Always. Everything I do is set up for some form of attention. Always. It's like a rule of thumb. I. Love. Attention.
And there you have it, folks! All you ever wanted to know about me.
**technically this is an hour early, but I'll very likely end up drinking tomorrow. Yay Age of Majority!
1. I am an ex-cheerleader.
2. I used to have pink hair.
3. I won the French award in grade 8 for the highest marks in the grade.
4. I believe that I've seen my soul mate in dreams. And everyone wonders why I'm obsessed with Greece and Rome. It's because he's Greek or Roman.
5. My favourite stories to read are romances, which are so predictable, but so good when you don't get any loving. Or when you do. Or when you're just in the mood for perfection.
6. I am obsessed with zodiac signs and really believe in them, mostly.
7. I have a tattoo of my zodiac sign on my right, back shoulder.
8. It is of my zodiac sign, aquarius, and it is blue.
9. I am obsessed with my abs. Every other part of me could be gross, but my abs are good, and so am I.
10. Therefore, I enjoy bikinis. My favourite bathing suit is a blue halter top, which, incidentally, is ruined from wearing it to Supie.
11. I was a Supie for three years at three different parks, and therefore know the majority of kids around my city.
12. I actually care that Heath Ledger is dead. He was a good looking man. //edit: DAMN good looking//.
13. The first thing I notice about a guy is how competitive he is. The more competitive, the more interested I am in debating on every.little.thing. with him. The more I debate, the more I fall for him. If I don't fight with a guy over everything, I don't care enough to get into it.
14. I sleep for a long time. I need that sleep, or I wake up super hyper-ly, and then my nerves fray very quickly so that by lunch, I'm pissed off at everything.
15. When I think, I think in very logical terms. Everything has logic, even if it seems stupid. Seriously. I over think everything, to a tee.
16. I've mellowed out since I turned 16. If I'm this annoying now, think of how bad I was before. Really. I was annoying as hell.
17. I have had strep throat twice, due to it transferring from me, to pitcher, and back to me. But mine was worse. I swear.
18. Usually, the more ballsy I act, the more I'm terrified inside. If I'm being all aloof and smooth and sharp-witted, I'm completely nervous, and that's the only way to stop it from showing, so that's what I do.
19. (The last one!) I am a complete attention hog, completely obsessed with myself, and I am really vain. My idea of beauty may not parallel everyone else's, but I always look exactly the way I want to look, sexy or not. It's always a purposeful look. Always. Everything I do is set up for some form of attention. Always. It's like a rule of thumb. I. Love. Attention.
And there you have it, folks! All you ever wanted to know about me.
**technically this is an hour early, but I'll very likely end up drinking tomorrow. Yay Age of Majority!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
February 2, 2008
So, I look like I'm , like, fourteen. Yeah. It's a sad truth. I think that's half the reason that I've done what I've done. I mean, it's not like I've murdered anyone, but personally, I hate it when someone looks at me and says: Aw, aren't you the cute little one who's probably amazing in school. At the same time, I like it. I can't help it. It's flattering. I just got it so much, that it's not funny anymore.
But I can't fix it. My Grandma and I have the same taste. It's not even like it was my mum's fault, 'cause she wears stuff I wouldn't. But then, I have days where I'm like... hey. I'm sick of this. I'm going to go make out with someone. Luckily it's rarely difficult to find someone. But, like I said, I look young enough that it's kind of sad. And I know that my makeup and stuff doesn't help, since I wear a heck of a lot of pinks. And my hair is nearly always not-so-sexy. And yet guys still have irrational complexes based on me. Whatever! Not cool.
Anywho, I hate it sometimes. Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes I just love being young, because you get away with a whole lot more. But sometimes, okay, most times, real men, older men, are hard to come across. Well, I can't help that I look young. I was naturally gifted with it, And then it just came from a natural tendency to wear significantly baggy clothes. So? Point? Can't I like not being naked?
But I can't fix it. My Grandma and I have the same taste. It's not even like it was my mum's fault, 'cause she wears stuff I wouldn't. But then, I have days where I'm like... hey. I'm sick of this. I'm going to go make out with someone. Luckily it's rarely difficult to find someone. But, like I said, I look young enough that it's kind of sad. And I know that my makeup and stuff doesn't help, since I wear a heck of a lot of pinks. And my hair is nearly always not-so-sexy. And yet guys still have irrational complexes based on me. Whatever! Not cool.
Anywho, I hate it sometimes. Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes I just love being young, because you get away with a whole lot more. But sometimes, okay, most times, real men, older men, are hard to come across. Well, I can't help that I look young. I was naturally gifted with it, And then it just came from a natural tendency to wear significantly baggy clothes. So? Point? Can't I like not being naked?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
January 31, 2008.
So, this morning I avoided going to school to retrieve my semester's marks. They'll send them to me anyway, so there's no real point in wasting my time.
And here I am, writing my blog. And do you know what I think? I think that I wonder why relationships are so important to people, and then still ache for one so much that it makes me want to move. The only thing is, that what I want is damn near impossible, because every time I get in to a relationship, I think that as much fun as I'm having, there's something that's just not quite right. I mean, I really don't think that I'm cut out for it, because in the end I'll just give up and destroy it anyway. It's not like I've had a bad influence; my parents are still together, my grandparents are too; my uncles and aunts all are, with the exception of one, but he's kind of like me, or vica versa, I think... Take a good thing, have it ruined; have another good thing and ruin it... You know the drill.
So, why do I do this for myself? I like to think it's because I'll settle for no less than perfection, and a single happy moment isn't good enough for me.
But, I can't help but thinking of all those romances, where people travel through time, adversity, even death to come back to their soul mate.
Don't laugh. Yes, I believe that there is one person who is meant for one other person, because I am a hopeless romantic on the inside. That said, I also hate a guy who's so mushy that it's not funny. But the little things, that aren't just based on fake stuff, and idealistic notions, but who really do care, those little things are the things I remember. Once, an ex knew I was really angry that I had to work and we couldn't see each other, and I felt really gross that day. So, at eleven thirty, he had his mom drive him all the way to my house to see me. For fifteen minutes, and that was all. But it was the thought, right, that he cared enough to come see me.
And, I think that a guy who does the little things and notices the little things, and doesn't stick to the really obvious "dinner and a movie" type relationship, is the best kind. Even if he doesn't do the big things, if the little things are noticed, I'm taken with him immediately. Then again, if it's a scam, I notice too, and that ends quickly. Sure enough, though, I believe it's a horrible downfall for having owned a small library of romance novels and falling in love with the idea of a perfect relationship.
How I wish I could be introduced to the past when everything was so much easier.
You were born, you were betrothed, and then you were married at fourteen. Dead by thirty and life was easy. Well, if you were rich and good looking.
I'm not saying my life is hard, I'm just saying that you didn't really have a choice so you never knew what you were missing. You couldn't really compare, because you never got the chance. If only it worked like that. Then again, I wouldn't be me, if it were any other way, and I'd probably get sick of being beaten for being impudent, which is my middle name.
Bwahahaha, I used a big word!
Impudence: @ http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/impudence
There's the lesson for the day.
Anyway, I just wonder why we have such horrible times in love. Not just me. In fact, this was spurred on by a friend who is debating his relationship with his girlfriend. It spurred me into thinking that maybe, just maybe, some people are happy with what they have because either a) they've found their perfection or b)they are too lazy to go out and look for it.
Perhaps everyone in the western civilization is a little bit jaded, because even our poor aren't all that poor, if they don't want to be. Maybe that's all I am, is jaded. But then, no. I want a guy who's good looking, and I want him to be that gorgeous, well-intending, educated man who's busy but always thinking of me.
Like this guy. He seems rather interested with his girlfriend, right? Dark, rugged, handsome, and... ripped. :D No more settling for slightly less than perfect for me. It's time I looked for that greek guy I fantasize about all the time. I can't have just made him up, right?Thursday, January 24, 2008
January 25, 2008.
Holy Crap! This person search is driving me UP THE FRIGGEN WALL! Apparently, some people just stop existing. I mean, we live in a city where I worked with a girl who's dad works with my dad, and I've met her before.
*blink, blink*.
And I can't find an ex, who should be simple to locate. The nutzo thing is, I found his BROTHER! I just can't find him.
Now, let's think. I have his phone number, but I want to do reconnaisance before stepping into something that seems a little brash, you know? I mean "Yeah, I knew you, I made you dump me, I was a total (insert any number of nasty names here) to you, but yeah, I've changed and I'd like to catch up, get a tea and go over old times, you know?" Not all that pleasant. So, I'll just not call him. That could be weird.
*sigh* Why can't I drop this? I hate me. It's just not in me to drop, I guess. Maybe I need closure. Maybe, I need to realize that I take things for granted.
Maybe I need to prove that I'm not a little kid anymore who is rude to everyone just because they want their games back.
Yeah, it seems like I was way, way rude to my exes all the time. Then, I came across my newest ex being slightly short with me. Since I've been there, I get it, but it still sucked. I kind of wish I could just apologize. Well, I could apologize to one, but I don't know how long our conversation would last. see:
Haha. It's sad because it's true. I don't even want to think how bad I would feel about my actions after that one.
Still can't find them. It has been, like, an hour. Okay, maybe a little more than an hour. I found mr. backcatcher on facebook, but I think he looks happy enough without me bugging him. Eventually I'll run into him some day. Then I'll apologize while the silence is already really thick and uncomfortable.
Actually, I find that I don't really think about him any more. I just kind of think of him as... been there, done that. Even people that I used to look at for the personality typing don't really interest me. I think pitcher hit me too hard with the sports thing, and I liked it too much. Now, sitting around isn't my thing, so backcatcher's personality is like beating myself over the head with a spoon. Kinda stupid.
(haha, like that one? I did.)
And, for the new one: First-baseman. He's the latest. Actually, he was sort of rude when I asked him for my stuff back. I planned ahead. I totally gave him most of his stuff before I broke it off, and gave him ample warning. He just chose to ignore it. But it most definitely wasn't sudden.
So, FB(because first baseman takes too long to type out) was kind of rude. Considering all things, I guess it makes sense. It's half the reason that I'm so interested in finding my other exes--to apologize for being a bitch after we broke up. I was a nasty, mean person.
Wow. Epiphany week, right here. So many things I've noticed that I've lost or become since I started dating. I think, I've always been pessimistic, but that's no reason to mope around, and be mean to everyone.
Now, I'll still have bad days, but who's to say that the rest of my days won't be made brighter?
Also, I am a horribly horrible girlfriend. Although, I generally warn the dates that before they are put through to boyfriend status. It is they who choose not to heed my warnings.
I hate playing toadey girlfriend who slobbers for her mate. I am a competitive person, willing to go for a challenge at any point in time, and yet I hold grudges for things said. All. The. Time.
For example, I love rugby. I can't help but talk about it, after all, it's like the next best thing since sliced cheese! So one day, I was remarking on kicking FB's ass in the PS2 game I own, and his rebuttle was: "You aren't even good at rugby!"
Lo, was I stunned. And that was the beginning of the end. I don't think I will ever let that one down. Ever. I don't care. That was just mean.
And that's when I realized he obviously wasn't right for me. Especially since I am not that bad at rugby.
Also, I am athletic. God, I hate that word. It's so... euw. Just euw.
But I can't sit all the time. If it's nice out, I want to be moving, wrestling, swimming... rugby-ing? I want to be out learning new sports and ways to move... and as much as I honestly say I hate basketball, when pitcher attempted to teach me to play, I actually began to learn. And, dare I say it, enjoy it. Volleyball's a hit with me, tennis, badminton, even lawn bowling. I mean, where do I meet all my mates?
A baseball park. Hence the nicknames. They're the positions that the exes are most well noted for in either my Nifty stories or in the actual games...which Nifty stories are very often based on, so they coincide. Anyway, the point is that I meet them all at baseball parks while WE'RE PLAYING SLO-PITCH. Actually, I don't know if I ever played with pitcher. I know we threw the ball around, but I think I met pitcher through backcatcher... and then ended up dating FB who was related to the other two by a team that was an expensive azure-beelzebub team. If you actually caught any of that, I'm impressed, because I'm confused now.
Anyway, the majority of my serious relationships have been with athletic men. Well, supposed athletic men. I meet them through sports, but half of them can't keep up with me.
So, let's see...
in order of interest: i. backcatcher. (He started it, but ended up being really lazy a lot... and ignoring me a lot.) ii. pitcher (Probably the only ex who could kick my ass in any sport, whether he'd played it or not.) iii. *this guy I didn't meet in baseball, and therefore rarely mention him. Still, henceforth, he shall be known as blondie, for his hair, which I still admire freely. Haha, I'm single, I can. Na. Na. Na.* Blondie played all sorts of sports. (He once said he wanted to be a gym teacher. Well... that relationship didn't last long on his request. Wonder why?) iv. FB. (Turned out to want to sit a lot. Fun while it lasted, which was mostly until the winter came the second time around. Oh, and when he said I sucked at rugby.)
There's the proof. They've all stemmed from sports. That's creepy. Only one have I not met through sports. Soooo creepy.
I really need to rethink my life. Why go to bars? I could hit up the men's rugby league! :P
EDIT: IT IS NOW 2:47 AM AND i found pitcher!!! HE WAS ON MYSPACE AND SO I'VE FOUND HIM--YAY! NOW, ONLY TO, ONCE AGAIN, FIGURE OUT HOW IN THE HELL I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY "i'M SORRY".
PAH. gIVE UP ON THAT NOW. i'LL NEVER DO IT, NEVER. BUT HE'S HAPPY, SO I'M GOOD. WOW, THEY BOTH ARE. GOOD FOR THEM! WOOT FOR PERMA-MATE.... WAIT A SEC. BOTH OF THEM FOUND PERMA-MATES AFTER ME... :p SO, THE NEW RULE IS... TO FIND A PERMA-MATE, DATE ME AND THEN BREAK UP WITH ME, AND THE NEXT ONE WILL BE A PERMA. GOT IT? :p MAKES ME SOUND HORRID. THEN AGAIN, MAYBE i AM. LOLZ. GOOD NIGHT ;D
*blink, blink*.
And I can't find an ex, who should be simple to locate. The nutzo thing is, I found his BROTHER! I just can't find him.
Now, let's think. I have his phone number, but I want to do reconnaisance before stepping into something that seems a little brash, you know? I mean "Yeah, I knew you, I made you dump me, I was a total (insert any number of nasty names here) to you, but yeah, I've changed and I'd like to catch up, get a tea and go over old times, you know?" Not all that pleasant. So, I'll just not call him. That could be weird.
*sigh* Why can't I drop this? I hate me. It's just not in me to drop, I guess. Maybe I need closure. Maybe, I need to realize that I take things for granted.
Maybe I need to prove that I'm not a little kid anymore who is rude to everyone just because they want their games back.
Yeah, it seems like I was way, way rude to my exes all the time. Then, I came across my newest ex being slightly short with me. Since I've been there, I get it, but it still sucked. I kind of wish I could just apologize. Well, I could apologize to one, but I don't know how long our conversation would last. see:
Haha. It's sad because it's true. I don't even want to think how bad I would feel about my actions after that one.
Still can't find them. It has been, like, an hour. Okay, maybe a little more than an hour. I found mr. backcatcher on facebook, but I think he looks happy enough without me bugging him. Eventually I'll run into him some day. Then I'll apologize while the silence is already really thick and uncomfortable.
Actually, I find that I don't really think about him any more. I just kind of think of him as... been there, done that. Even people that I used to look at for the personality typing don't really interest me. I think pitcher hit me too hard with the sports thing, and I liked it too much. Now, sitting around isn't my thing, so backcatcher's personality is like beating myself over the head with a spoon. Kinda stupid.
(haha, like that one? I did.)
And, for the new one: First-baseman. He's the latest. Actually, he was sort of rude when I asked him for my stuff back. I planned ahead. I totally gave him most of his stuff before I broke it off, and gave him ample warning. He just chose to ignore it. But it most definitely wasn't sudden.
So, FB(because first baseman takes too long to type out) was kind of rude. Considering all things, I guess it makes sense. It's half the reason that I'm so interested in finding my other exes--to apologize for being a bitch after we broke up. I was a nasty, mean person.
Wow. Epiphany week, right here. So many things I've noticed that I've lost or become since I started dating. I think, I've always been pessimistic, but that's no reason to mope around, and be mean to everyone.
Now, I'll still have bad days, but who's to say that the rest of my days won't be made brighter?
Also, I am a horribly horrible girlfriend. Although, I generally warn the dates that before they are put through to boyfriend status. It is they who choose not to heed my warnings.
I hate playing toadey girlfriend who slobbers for her mate. I am a competitive person, willing to go for a challenge at any point in time, and yet I hold grudges for things said. All. The. Time.
For example, I love rugby. I can't help but talk about it, after all, it's like the next best thing since sliced cheese! So one day, I was remarking on kicking FB's ass in the PS2 game I own, and his rebuttle was: "You aren't even good at rugby!"
Lo, was I stunned. And that was the beginning of the end. I don't think I will ever let that one down. Ever. I don't care. That was just mean.
And that's when I realized he obviously wasn't right for me. Especially since I am not that bad at rugby.
Also, I am athletic. God, I hate that word. It's so... euw. Just euw.
But I can't sit all the time. If it's nice out, I want to be moving, wrestling, swimming... rugby-ing? I want to be out learning new sports and ways to move... and as much as I honestly say I hate basketball, when pitcher attempted to teach me to play, I actually began to learn. And, dare I say it, enjoy it. Volleyball's a hit with me, tennis, badminton, even lawn bowling. I mean, where do I meet all my mates?
A baseball park. Hence the nicknames. They're the positions that the exes are most well noted for in either my Nifty stories or in the actual games...which Nifty stories are very often based on, so they coincide. Anyway, the point is that I meet them all at baseball parks while WE'RE PLAYING SLO-PITCH. Actually, I don't know if I ever played with pitcher. I know we threw the ball around, but I think I met pitcher through backcatcher... and then ended up dating FB who was related to the other two by a team that was an expensive azure-beelzebub team. If you actually caught any of that, I'm impressed, because I'm confused now.
Anyway, the majority of my serious relationships have been with athletic men. Well, supposed athletic men. I meet them through sports, but half of them can't keep up with me.
So, let's see...
in order of interest: i. backcatcher. (He started it, but ended up being really lazy a lot... and ignoring me a lot.) ii. pitcher (Probably the only ex who could kick my ass in any sport, whether he'd played it or not.) iii. *this guy I didn't meet in baseball, and therefore rarely mention him. Still, henceforth, he shall be known as blondie, for his hair, which I still admire freely. Haha, I'm single, I can. Na. Na. Na.* Blondie played all sorts of sports. (He once said he wanted to be a gym teacher. Well... that relationship didn't last long on his request. Wonder why?) iv. FB. (Turned out to want to sit a lot. Fun while it lasted, which was mostly until the winter came the second time around. Oh, and when he said I sucked at rugby.)
There's the proof. They've all stemmed from sports. That's creepy. Only one have I not met through sports. Soooo creepy.
I really need to rethink my life. Why go to bars? I could hit up the men's rugby league! :P
EDIT: IT IS NOW 2:47 AM AND i found pitcher!!! HE WAS ON MYSPACE AND SO I'VE FOUND HIM--YAY! NOW, ONLY TO, ONCE AGAIN, FIGURE OUT HOW IN THE HELL I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY "i'M SORRY".
PAH. gIVE UP ON THAT NOW. i'LL NEVER DO IT, NEVER. BUT HE'S HAPPY, SO I'M GOOD. WOW, THEY BOTH ARE. GOOD FOR THEM! WOOT FOR PERMA-MATE.... WAIT A SEC. BOTH OF THEM FOUND PERMA-MATES AFTER ME... :p SO, THE NEW RULE IS... TO FIND A PERMA-MATE, DATE ME AND THEN BREAK UP WITH ME, AND THE NEXT ONE WILL BE A PERMA. GOT IT? :p MAKES ME SOUND HORRID. THEN AGAIN, MAYBE i AM. LOLZ. GOOD NIGHT ;D
January 24 2008
You know, I want a car, but I don't want just any car... I don't know how to explain it, but I'd rather take a bus than own a car without a personality to match mine. So, then, my mom saw this beetle downtown and it's for sale... and now I want it. I want it and I will have it, I hope. Even if I have to take out a loan, I want this car. It would be so awesome! It suits me, too. :D I think it would do me well. *Sigh* I really hope I get it. I have some money saved up that was supposed to be for school, but I'll have to eventually need to buy a car anyway, so it's okay. And that's what I'll keep telling myself. Yes.
Anyway, that's what's been on my mind since a few days ago... ta ta!
Anyway, that's what's been on my mind since a few days ago... ta ta!
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