So, rugby finally had sign-ups today at school. I decided to join silver in a diet to take off the extra five, ten or fifteen (Depends on when the limit is hit, really, because I get really tired if I don't eat five hundred meals a day or I do too much excercise and lose too much weight) pounds. Anyway, it shouldn't be that hard, as long as I jog back and forth to school whilst chasing after my rugby ball-easy enough since I'm teaching myself to kick it. Yay?
I figure, I might as well attempt to learn something before the season starts. Actually, I'm particularily interested in learning the slide pickup we were supposed to know last year. I have a horribly dark, terrible secret: I can't slide. I can't slide in baseball, I can't slide in rugby... I just can't. I can't even just slide on my knees. I can't willfully throw myself at the ground and feel safe enough. I would rather do cartwheels than use a slip and slide. I am so terrified of sliding that it hurts to think about it.
There is a logical reasoning.
Once, twice, three or four or six times, and I'm sure I'm not done, I've twisted my ankles. Both. Yes. I have horrible ankles from dancing on improperly laid floors. Anyway, those really lazy ankles of mine aren't really weak, in fact they're strong-- they just twist all the time. It's probably because I'm a clutz. A huge clutz. I swear it.
Anyway, so last season, the coaches attempted to teach us to do this slide thing on grass. And I freaked. I can't even get to the point where I should tip my feet over. I mean, I understand the physics of it all, and the mechanics. Telling me over and over how to do it is NOT going to help. I understand how to do it. But getting up there and just DOING it, is so hard. I'm not afraid to run head-on at a three hundred pound "ogre", but I'm terrified of sliding on the grass. With socks on. Come to think of it, I'm not afraid to take on the biggest enemy around, weapon or not, but I can not muster up the courage to get past a knee-bend. I just... stop. Like, there's a level that I just can't jump, a barrier in my mind that "Damn, this is so dumb, why are you doing this?" that repeats like a mantra until I just give up.
Now, this is NOT my fear of leeches. That's a phobia. I just... blank. I can't think. I can't move. I can stand and stutter, and freak, but I can't control my actions.
But this, this slide thing, I've had guys try to show me how to slide for like, four years. That is one hell of a lot of lesson. I KNOW how to, I just CAN'T! I understand that you tip your bottom leg under, roll your shoe toe down, gracefully position to slightly skim calf, thigh and hip before bouncing back up. But to do it is a completely different thing. Once, I remember having half my baseball team try to show me how to slide, all at once.
I still can't slide.
I had private lessons with someone who's been sliding forever... okay, private lessons with like, three someones who've been sliding for, like, ever.
I still can't slide.
Last season of rugby, we spent nearly two hours on trying to learn to slide, I had the forward coach teach me right down to angles, how to slide.
I STILL can't slide.
But this season, I WILL learn how to slide. That is my season-long goal, to learn to slide in rugby, thereby gaining what will be useless knowledge on sliding in baseball, since I'm not playing this year; well, nothing but pickups...
But in rugby, I will learn, I will conquer this random fear and put it to rest somewhere else.
I, Nifzeta, hereby swear to work on sliding for as long as is deemed necessary to learn to slide; I swear to safety and other like concerns, as well as the jaunts into the men's changerooms. I mean, Ahem.
I swear that I will learn to slide in my rugby cleats, on grass, with intent to do so, and also, to be able to draw in the ball that has been placed on the pitch. I swear my honest ability in this are.
Anyway, now that I'm done this, I've decided that I'm terribly tired and it's time to go to sleep. Good night:D
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