It's nearly July! I can't wait.
I also have this horrible problem: I can't go back to weird, ugly guys. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to be good at dating nerds who were overweight, acne-prone and virgin-y... but I can't do it anymore.
OMG!
I'm what I hate.
And yet, I don't hate it so much anymore.
I mean, I think I gained STANDARDS!
Maybe that's why I've been single for so long. Because I just can't stand lowlifes anymore. I'm sick of trying to change guys. I hate it. If they aren't what I want, then I kick them out of my line of sight in the mating form.
I mean, the guys that I've been falling for are guys who are fun to party with, who are slightly bad, and who are hot. I mean, seriously manly goodloooking, omg I want to do you here good-looking.
No more weak, blonde, short, timid, quiet, need-a-drink-to-be-talkative guys. I hate them. Hell, I can't stand them. They never want to do anything.
"Hey, let's go toss a frisbee around"
"Hey, no. Let's watch tv instead".
I think that's my pet peeve, guys like that. It's such a waste of male anatomy. Not that I'm all go-go-go-go, but...
heh. Maybe, then again, maybe I am. Maybe I always have been. I like being busy. I've accurately filled up all my weeks. I am now overlapping things because I just don't have time.
And it's summer vacay.
Heh, maybe I am one of those go-go-go people.
That's weird. Didn't see that one coming.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
June 24 2008
So, I went camping with Chakiz this passed(past?) weekend.
Amazing fun. Until Sunday/Monday, when I realized that there are so many differences between men and women that I'm boggled humans have survived this long.
First, we got there, and the first thing I do, is set up the shelter. I hop to the tent. Where are we putting it? Will it be okay here? How about here? Is it flat enough? Soft enough? Shaded? Out of the way of danger? Far enough away from the campfire and the food table? Yes, yes, yes, yes yes. I put it up. Then I get to arranging the inside. Chakiz, where would you like your sleeping bag? Your things? Which side do you want?
The first thing that he did was set up his hammock. The second he did was get out his guitar and lie in the hammock, while serenading me with 'Hey Jude' tabs--that I retrieved for him from his bag. The third thing that he did was went to the washroom.
Well, at least that explains how women have survived...
But, alas, that wasn't the only thing. There were really three things we did. We ate, slept, and layed around the campsite.
Oh, and we also went to the beach. Where I learned the second thing about men.
They're always right.
"Put on sunscreen; you'll get burned," says he.
"I haven't burned in three years," says I.
Long story short: I burned.
Badly.
"The cooler should go away in the back of the car," says he.
"Don't worry about it, the 'coons are scaring me with how close they're getting," says I.
Short story shorter: The 'coons ate well that night.
The third thing that I learned about men, is that they separate all of their little parts of life into compartments. When they say something, they mean it; nothing will sway their decision, because there's nothing to sway with.
Music is music; a job is a job; friends are friends; temporary lovers are temporary lovers; holidays are just that: holidays.
Nothing in their lives are connected the way that they are in women's lives. A bad day on the job will affect their sex life; a bad day in a supermarket line will throw a woman's life into depression.
But a man, a man will take it as far as the car, and then forget that it ever happened.
Damn, I wish I were a man, sometimes.
Amazing fun. Until Sunday/Monday, when I realized that there are so many differences between men and women that I'm boggled humans have survived this long.
First, we got there, and the first thing I do, is set up the shelter. I hop to the tent. Where are we putting it? Will it be okay here? How about here? Is it flat enough? Soft enough? Shaded? Out of the way of danger? Far enough away from the campfire and the food table? Yes, yes, yes, yes yes. I put it up. Then I get to arranging the inside. Chakiz, where would you like your sleeping bag? Your things? Which side do you want?
The first thing that he did was set up his hammock. The second he did was get out his guitar and lie in the hammock, while serenading me with 'Hey Jude' tabs--that I retrieved for him from his bag. The third thing that he did was went to the washroom.
Well, at least that explains how women have survived...
But, alas, that wasn't the only thing. There were really three things we did. We ate, slept, and layed around the campsite.
Oh, and we also went to the beach. Where I learned the second thing about men.
They're always right.
"Put on sunscreen; you'll get burned," says he.
"I haven't burned in three years," says I.
Long story short: I burned.
Badly.
"The cooler should go away in the back of the car," says he.
"Don't worry about it, the 'coons are scaring me with how close they're getting," says I.
Short story shorter: The 'coons ate well that night.
The third thing that I learned about men, is that they separate all of their little parts of life into compartments. When they say something, they mean it; nothing will sway their decision, because there's nothing to sway with.
Music is music; a job is a job; friends are friends; temporary lovers are temporary lovers; holidays are just that: holidays.
Nothing in their lives are connected the way that they are in women's lives. A bad day on the job will affect their sex life; a bad day in a supermarket line will throw a woman's life into depression.
But a man, a man will take it as far as the car, and then forget that it ever happened.
Damn, I wish I were a man, sometimes.
Friday, June 20, 2008
June, 20th 2008
So, in the last four months or so, I've heard from four guys that I used to date, who want to 'go play pool' or 'go for coffee'.
What the hell? I don't want to date anyone again! If I wanted you, I would have called you! Seriously!
Am I that much of a commodity?
Seriously?
I don't get it. I just don't get it.
And, what a time to get in touch with me, when I am set in t-2 months to move to Peterborough for THE REST OF MY LIFE!
Okay, well, maybe not that long. Just four years. But still... I won't be in Hamilton.
And all the guys I have around all the time, all the guys I hang out with, and they all want to get with me in the last two months of my stay in Hamilton.
Well, sorry to say it, guys, but I'm leaving. I'm not carrying any permanent relationships, unless Chakizetta wants to try an open ltr. Which, chances are, is impossible.
Fancy that. The guy I like is the guy who's not interested. Maybe in four years he will be.
Seriously, though! What the hell? I'm a terrible girlfriend, I can't stand being committed, I hate people half the time, I complain a lot, and... well, lots of things. I like being alone, I like having my way, I like being adored, I love attention, and I lavish the guy when I'm obsessed.
Why me?
Who am I kidding. I love the attention. It rocks. I especially love it when their faces fall when I say "I'm moving to Peterborough for school in two months."
Muahahahahaa....
What the hell? I don't want to date anyone again! If I wanted you, I would have called you! Seriously!
Am I that much of a commodity?
Seriously?
I don't get it. I just don't get it.
And, what a time to get in touch with me, when I am set in t-2 months to move to Peterborough for THE REST OF MY LIFE!
Okay, well, maybe not that long. Just four years. But still... I won't be in Hamilton.
And all the guys I have around all the time, all the guys I hang out with, and they all want to get with me in the last two months of my stay in Hamilton.
Well, sorry to say it, guys, but I'm leaving. I'm not carrying any permanent relationships, unless Chakizetta wants to try an open ltr. Which, chances are, is impossible.
Fancy that. The guy I like is the guy who's not interested. Maybe in four years he will be.
Seriously, though! What the hell? I'm a terrible girlfriend, I can't stand being committed, I hate people half the time, I complain a lot, and... well, lots of things. I like being alone, I like having my way, I like being adored, I love attention, and I lavish the guy when I'm obsessed.
Why me?
Who am I kidding. I love the attention. It rocks. I especially love it when their faces fall when I say "I'm moving to Peterborough for school in two months."
Muahahahahaa....
Friday, June 13, 2008
June 13, 2008
I find myself saying "whatever" a lot lately...
"My summer's gonna suck." "Whatever."
"He's ignoring me again." "Whatever."
"I hate life." "Whatever."
I feel like two different people sometimes, one me that's an automatic jump in who doesn't think, and then the after-me, who smacks me inside my head and says "You're a friggen moron, why did you do that? Now I have to go clean up the mess you made..."
I wonder if I'm schizophrenic?
"My summer's gonna suck." "Whatever."
"He's ignoring me again." "Whatever."
"I hate life." "Whatever."
I feel like two different people sometimes, one me that's an automatic jump in who doesn't think, and then the after-me, who smacks me inside my head and says "You're a friggen moron, why did you do that? Now I have to go clean up the mess you made..."
I wonder if I'm schizophrenic?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
June 10, 2008
So, I talked to Chakiz today about what we are, and he made unbelievable amounts of sense, which makes me think that he's thought about it before... Which makes me think that he likes me... hahahahaa.
*dances joyously*
But we're not labeled at all, though. Which, is cool. I guess. I understand it now, so it's okay. He likes me, I like him, we occasionally please each other, and we're not attached at the hip.
Perfect, if you ask me.
It's because he's going away over the summer, and when he comes back, I leave for Peterborough. So, it'll be a long time before we're possibly going to see each other. So, why ruin it with regrets?
I don't know, makes sense. He's intelligent, you know. It's kind of nice, not to have to talk to a moron all the time. :P
And he's fun. And it will be a fun few weeks, before he leaves. Then a long, boring summer-I suppose I could change that. I'll work a lot. It will be nice. I'll always be busy.
And then school.
I still really like him.
*dances joyously*
But we're not labeled at all, though. Which, is cool. I guess. I understand it now, so it's okay. He likes me, I like him, we occasionally please each other, and we're not attached at the hip.
Perfect, if you ask me.
It's because he's going away over the summer, and when he comes back, I leave for Peterborough. So, it'll be a long time before we're possibly going to see each other. So, why ruin it with regrets?
I don't know, makes sense. He's intelligent, you know. It's kind of nice, not to have to talk to a moron all the time. :P
And he's fun. And it will be a fun few weeks, before he leaves. Then a long, boring summer-I suppose I could change that. I'll work a lot. It will be nice. I'll always be busy.
And then school.
I still really like him.
Monday, June 9, 2008
June 9, 2008
Hm... I can't remember if this is the only june 9th entry. Sorry if it is.
So at work, I did a lot of thinking and decided to talk to Chakiz (who, btw, IS single... well... yeah. So now we're just... enjoying each other?)
Anyway, so I was getting sick of not knowing and being on the wall all the time-- because I really, really like him. But I don't want to be falling for him if he doesn't want me to, because then that would be one more guy I've been obsessed with that just DOESN'T want me like that. I would be very disappointed, because I really like this one.
And one more reason why I should like him: I said: "I think we need to talk" which usually, in dating land, translates to either "I've cheated on you" or "I'm dumping you"... but I've had guys laugh when I said that, only to have them then dump me with that line. Anyway, I think that I'd like to change this connotation. I don't mean that. I like Chakizetta a lot. So much. It's bad because I'm starting to think that if he wants to meet me half way, even him going away in the summer and me going away all school year, we could actually make this work. I want, more than anything right now, to make this work. Like, badly.
Very, very much. He has a personality that fights mine for dominance, but I don't know if one will ever really come out on top--but it's always interesting.
Anyway, I think I scared the poor tall man, because he was like... >eek< and just kinda buggered off of msn when I said that. Haha. Oops. So next time, I need to think up better words. 'Cause it's the exact opposite of what he thinks I meant that I did mean.
I just want to ask him if he wants to get more serious :O
Yeah. That's what I said.
I'll give up being single and all that jazz so that I can be happier with him.
I've gone insane.
Insanely insane.
Someone make sure I'm not sleeping:P But it makes me happy to think about it. I want this, a lot. In fact I feel all fuzzy about him.
Euw. I sound sickening.
It's the music: Carly Simon-You just call out my name
Maroon 5--Sunday Morning
OOh, caught the end of the one song when I remembered I was supposed to be writing them down. Haha. Then it went into Maroon 5.
Hm... I appreciate Chakiz.
I desire him.
I long for his touch,
and I even want his little mood swings to continue.
Mmm... and he smells so good. :D
And I get to keep him for like, three nights, all to myself! I'm going camping with him, at Turkey Point! I can't wait!:D I hope it's awesome. I'm so excited.
And, Trent U sent me the forms for the everything for rez. I got into LEC, Lady Eaton College, single room. :P Means I can have *friend(s)* over. And if Chakiz says he wants to go more serious, you can bet your ass that I'll drive all the friggen way to Hamilton to get him, to bring him back to dorm for three days, where I'll be happily entertaining him.
But Apparently people can't be over for more than three days at any one time.
It's weird.
;P I'll bet I just figured out another way around the system though. He can't stay in my room for more than three days, but he can stay in three of my friends' rooms for three days, and three days, and three days...lmao. Aah, finding ways around laws is so much fun.
Anyway, I lurve the way I feel right now; I'm not so horrible feeling like I have been all day because I was so confused about where we (chakiz and I) are. Now, at least, it's kind of out there, minus a few main ideas.
Guys, I really hope he's not weirded out. But it's too late to avoid bringing up now... So, wish me luck!
So at work, I did a lot of thinking and decided to talk to Chakiz (who, btw, IS single... well... yeah. So now we're just... enjoying each other?)
Anyway, so I was getting sick of not knowing and being on the wall all the time-- because I really, really like him. But I don't want to be falling for him if he doesn't want me to, because then that would be one more guy I've been obsessed with that just DOESN'T want me like that. I would be very disappointed, because I really like this one.
And one more reason why I should like him: I said: "I think we need to talk" which usually, in dating land, translates to either "I've cheated on you" or "I'm dumping you"... but I've had guys laugh when I said that, only to have them then dump me with that line. Anyway, I think that I'd like to change this connotation. I don't mean that. I like Chakizetta a lot. So much. It's bad because I'm starting to think that if he wants to meet me half way, even him going away in the summer and me going away all school year, we could actually make this work. I want, more than anything right now, to make this work. Like, badly.
Very, very much. He has a personality that fights mine for dominance, but I don't know if one will ever really come out on top--but it's always interesting.
Anyway, I think I scared the poor tall man, because he was like... >eek< and just kinda buggered off of msn when I said that. Haha. Oops. So next time, I need to think up better words. 'Cause it's the exact opposite of what he thinks I meant that I did mean.
I just want to ask him if he wants to get more serious :O
Yeah. That's what I said.
I'll give up being single and all that jazz so that I can be happier with him.
I've gone insane.
Insanely insane.
Someone make sure I'm not sleeping:P But it makes me happy to think about it. I want this, a lot. In fact I feel all fuzzy about him.
Euw. I sound sickening.
It's the music: Carly Simon-You just call out my name
Maroon 5--Sunday Morning
OOh, caught the end of the one song when I remembered I was supposed to be writing them down. Haha. Then it went into Maroon 5.
Hm... I appreciate Chakiz.
I desire him.
I long for his touch,
and I even want his little mood swings to continue.
Mmm... and he smells so good. :D
And I get to keep him for like, three nights, all to myself! I'm going camping with him, at Turkey Point! I can't wait!:D I hope it's awesome. I'm so excited.
And, Trent U sent me the forms for the everything for rez. I got into LEC, Lady Eaton College, single room. :P Means I can have *friend(s)* over. And if Chakiz says he wants to go more serious, you can bet your ass that I'll drive all the friggen way to Hamilton to get him, to bring him back to dorm for three days, where I'll be happily entertaining him.
But Apparently people can't be over for more than three days at any one time.
It's weird.
;P I'll bet I just figured out another way around the system though. He can't stay in my room for more than three days, but he can stay in three of my friends' rooms for three days, and three days, and three days...lmao. Aah, finding ways around laws is so much fun.
Anyway, I lurve the way I feel right now; I'm not so horrible feeling like I have been all day because I was so confused about where we (chakiz and I) are. Now, at least, it's kind of out there, minus a few main ideas.
Guys, I really hope he's not weirded out. But it's too late to avoid bringing up now... So, wish me luck!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
June 8, 2008
Man, my parents are annoying.
I bought a used Mac laptop--it was cheaper then my dell was. So I bought it. I'm not sure whether or not I want to keep or sell it--I'll probably keep it for a while and then use ebay to sell it off. Now, with that, I also think that it was a good decision--it was a good price and I did NOT have to pay for s&h.
Well, my dad was all "grr" because I didn't run the scheme past him first.
Well, guess what: I'm old enough to make decisions. It was in cash, it wasn't charge, and it was a clean deal.
I'm old enough to know that I have things to pay for, but who's to say I won't sell it for slightly more? Or even break even? I can, it's physically possible. Even if I lose a bit, it won't hurt me.
Man! The audacity.
The horrendous assumptions! Gar!
I bought a used Mac laptop--it was cheaper then my dell was. So I bought it. I'm not sure whether or not I want to keep or sell it--I'll probably keep it for a while and then use ebay to sell it off. Now, with that, I also think that it was a good decision--it was a good price and I did NOT have to pay for s&h.
Well, my dad was all "grr" because I didn't run the scheme past him first.
Well, guess what: I'm old enough to make decisions. It was in cash, it wasn't charge, and it was a clean deal.
I'm old enough to know that I have things to pay for, but who's to say I won't sell it for slightly more? Or even break even? I can, it's physically possible. Even if I lose a bit, it won't hurt me.
Man! The audacity.
The horrendous assumptions! Gar!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
June 7, 2008
I don't know if I could deal with a man moving off to military all the time... I spend all my time thinking about them not being here, and wondering, and thinking, and I haven't even admitted how much I like him to him yet. Gods only know what would happen if I did.
Jeepers.
Okay, so I was just reading through old journal entries (of the diary that I keep on my computer), and this one strikes my fancy. It's so funny :P
Well, what did I do today?
I woke up
I went pee and brushed my teeth.
I brushed my hair. Actually, I think I brushed my hair before #2.
I ate some raisin bread with butter on it that I heated up in the morning.
I contemplated not going to school, and then did anyway.
I put all the school stuff in my backpack, except the two envelopes that I needed to bring. I did NOT get photocopies of my stuff.
I walked to school and got there close enough to on time that it counted.
I fought with my English teacher in my head. STICK IT TO THE MAN!
I threw myself on the floor and let out a bloodcurling screech, flailing wildly at the pain which coursed through my body like a soldering gun was being run up and down my extremities… Oh, wait, that wasn’t me. That was my daydream. Right. Story ideas.
I planned a bit more of the Kaylana story.
I left English before the bell rang because she dismissed us, and I walked to photography
Where I developed film.
I realized that my mp3 player is screwed up so badly that it won’t even be acknowledged as a media hardware… it keeps saying that the files are corrupted.
I went to lunch, and talked a lot. I ate pasta salad and tried dr.pepper chocolate-cherry, which was okay, I suppose. It would be gross to mix, though.
I talked to Josh, who said that the best thing to do to fix it is to search the player and Linux, or just to buy a new one.
I went to guidance and waited until I couldn’t wait anymore, and left.
I walked to my art classroom and ran into Kat who decided to tell me she was going to the washroom for a number two.
I laughed all the way to the art class with Teresa and Devon.
I did art, and complained a lot, but I think that I figured out what I’m doing for all my project components.
I looked at pictures of art that were abstract to try and understand what it was to be ‘abstract’.
I understood what abstract was, sort of.
I left art when the bell rang.
I put my stuff in my bag and stood up, and said goodbye to ms. Roglic, and to Teresa and Devon.
I walked east, S, stopped at my locker, S, and then to guidance, which was E, and stood around to pick up my Transcript. I didn’t get the stuff I needed to signed, since it’s at home. But that’s okay.
I walked to Communications where I sit now, only on the other side of the comm.. class, because there are no more computers on the wall, and I’m not kicking someone off, so I’m using my laptop, but there’s no Ethernet cable in the #5 port, so I can’t connect to the net… tonight. But I’ll fix that when I go out tonight and buy me an Ethernet cable. Yay!
I sat down and began to write the diary, and exactly what I had done that day. I’m currently thinking about just sitting and daydreaming of rugby, rugby men and sex. But that’s the future thought. And now I’m considering to write a story about Nifzeta and Edward, to continue “Post-secondary Love” Where they’re sort of like Kay and Mark, but not quite, because they get along, they meet on a sports team athletic meeting, and they’re really close before Mark gives up and tells her that he’s sleeping with her whether or not she wants to. Now I’m wondering if I can escape this infernal cold in any way, because I’m insanely cold.
I’m going to stand up and… probably have aneurisms. Which I can’t spell. Aneurism. Aneurism. Aneurism. Aneurism. Yeah, a-n-e-u-r-i-s-m. That’s about right.
I don’t know what I’ll do after that, nor do I think I should be conscious after that, so it won’t matter.
Hahahahahaahahahaha
I'm lmao right now. :P
Enjoy!
Jeepers.
Okay, so I was just reading through old journal entries (of the diary that I keep on my computer), and this one strikes my fancy. It's so funny :P
Well, what did I do today?
I woke up
I went pee and brushed my teeth.
I brushed my hair. Actually, I think I brushed my hair before #2.
I ate some raisin bread with butter on it that I heated up in the morning.
I contemplated not going to school, and then did anyway.
I put all the school stuff in my backpack, except the two envelopes that I needed to bring. I did NOT get photocopies of my stuff.
I walked to school and got there close enough to on time that it counted.
I fought with my English teacher in my head. STICK IT TO THE MAN!
I threw myself on the floor and let out a bloodcurling screech, flailing wildly at the pain which coursed through my body like a soldering gun was being run up and down my extremities… Oh, wait, that wasn’t me. That was my daydream. Right. Story ideas.
I planned a bit more of the Kaylana story.
I left English before the bell rang because she dismissed us, and I walked to photography
Where I developed film.
I realized that my mp3 player is screwed up so badly that it won’t even be acknowledged as a media hardware… it keeps saying that the files are corrupted.
I went to lunch, and talked a lot. I ate pasta salad and tried dr.pepper chocolate-cherry, which was okay, I suppose. It would be gross to mix, though.
I talked to Josh, who said that the best thing to do to fix it is to search the player and Linux, or just to buy a new one.
I went to guidance and waited until I couldn’t wait anymore, and left.
I walked to my art classroom and ran into Kat who decided to tell me she was going to the washroom for a number two.
I laughed all the way to the art class with Teresa and Devon.
I did art, and complained a lot, but I think that I figured out what I’m doing for all my project components.
I looked at pictures of art that were abstract to try and understand what it was to be ‘abstract’.
I understood what abstract was, sort of.
I left art when the bell rang.
I put my stuff in my bag and stood up, and said goodbye to ms. Roglic, and to Teresa and Devon.
I walked east, S, stopped at my locker, S, and then to guidance, which was E, and stood around to pick up my Transcript. I didn’t get the stuff I needed to signed, since it’s at home. But that’s okay.
I walked to Communications where I sit now, only on the other side of the comm.. class, because there are no more computers on the wall, and I’m not kicking someone off, so I’m using my laptop, but there’s no Ethernet cable in the #5 port, so I can’t connect to the net… tonight. But I’ll fix that when I go out tonight and buy me an Ethernet cable. Yay!
I sat down and began to write the diary, and exactly what I had done that day. I’m currently thinking about just sitting and daydreaming of rugby, rugby men and sex. But that’s the future thought. And now I’m considering to write a story about Nifzeta and Edward, to continue “Post-secondary Love” Where they’re sort of like Kay and Mark, but not quite, because they get along, they meet on a sports team athletic meeting, and they’re really close before Mark gives up and tells her that he’s sleeping with her whether or not she wants to. Now I’m wondering if I can escape this infernal cold in any way, because I’m insanely cold.
I’m going to stand up and… probably have aneurisms. Which I can’t spell. Aneurism. Aneurism. Aneurism. Aneurism. Yeah, a-n-e-u-r-i-s-m. That’s about right.
I don’t know what I’ll do after that, nor do I think I should be conscious after that, so it won’t matter.
Hahahahahaahahahaha
I'm lmao right now. :P
Enjoy!
Friday, June 6, 2008
June 6, 2008
Today is Friday. I think I've fallen for this guy. I don't know how. It just happened. What a way to go. I want to date him. Seriously. I mean, really. To the point where I have to stop talking to avoid bringing up the issue. I'm sure I've offended him, but I hope the smiling is enough to keep him here...
Gah.
I like that word. Where did I get it from? Maybe Silver. Actually, probably Silver. She seems the most likely source.
Anyway.
Duhr. What happened to "I want to stay single so that I don't have to dump anyone before University?"
Now I'm thinking "Maybe I could work out a long-distance. I mean, three and a half hours isn't that bad, and we both like driving. It could work!"
*sigh* I like him. I really do. I like his little temper tantrums which aren't like any I've seen except for mine-where silence is the best offense. He does that! He does it well! Fight, fight, fight, drop the subject and sulk until you get your way:P.
Anyone who knows me and who's been in a fight with me knows that's the way to go. I always get my way with it.
Seriously. Man, I don't know... I think I'm going nuts again. Obsessing over things. Except, except that this one might come to fruition. This one could work. This one might be a good thing to obsess over. Hahaha, man, if he reads this, I'm going to be... crazily embarrassed. Maybe I should stop. Then again, why would he find this? I mean, seriously, no one knows about it unless I've told them about it--which I generally don't. And I don't label my posts, because this is more like a personal blog than a public one... And that's the way I like it.
Okay, well, I have to go wash the drool off of my face now. :D Bye!
Gah.
I like that word. Where did I get it from? Maybe Silver. Actually, probably Silver. She seems the most likely source.
Anyway.
Duhr. What happened to "I want to stay single so that I don't have to dump anyone before University?"
Now I'm thinking "Maybe I could work out a long-distance. I mean, three and a half hours isn't that bad, and we both like driving. It could work!"
*sigh* I like him. I really do. I like his little temper tantrums which aren't like any I've seen except for mine-where silence is the best offense. He does that! He does it well! Fight, fight, fight, drop the subject and sulk until you get your way:P.
Anyone who knows me and who's been in a fight with me knows that's the way to go. I always get my way with it.
Seriously. Man, I don't know... I think I'm going nuts again. Obsessing over things. Except, except that this one might come to fruition. This one could work. This one might be a good thing to obsess over. Hahaha, man, if he reads this, I'm going to be... crazily embarrassed. Maybe I should stop. Then again, why would he find this? I mean, seriously, no one knows about it unless I've told them about it--which I generally don't. And I don't label my posts, because this is more like a personal blog than a public one... And that's the way I like it.
Okay, well, I have to go wash the drool off of my face now. :D Bye!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
June 5, 2008
Man. I want to be a fly.
A fly on the wall.
I have a severe interest in a guy. A guy at school, no less. And interest so severe that I've automatically contracted one-itis since I found out he didn't have a girlfriend.
And what makes it worse is that I see him, all the time. All the time. Every day. Well, not all the time. Gods, I'm not even dating him and all I can think about is him. Gah.
Ahahaha...oh, and like Mr. D said, I think he might have an interest in me, if Friday, Monday and Tuesday have anything at all to do with life.
But then today... I dunno. He seemed so uninterested. His body language was all off. Maybe he was just thinking, like G-Man said.
Hey! That would make sense. Okay. I'll go with that for now. I feel a little less stupid for being kind of confused, now.
Man, I hate understanding women. It makes men really, really confusing.
A fly on the wall.
I have a severe interest in a guy. A guy at school, no less. And interest so severe that I've automatically contracted one-itis since I found out he didn't have a girlfriend.
And what makes it worse is that I see him, all the time. All the time. Every day. Well, not all the time. Gods, I'm not even dating him and all I can think about is him. Gah.
Ahahaha...oh, and like Mr. D said, I think he might have an interest in me, if Friday, Monday and Tuesday have anything at all to do with life.
But then today... I dunno. He seemed so uninterested. His body language was all off. Maybe he was just thinking, like G-Man said.
Hey! That would make sense. Okay. I'll go with that for now. I feel a little less stupid for being kind of confused, now.
Man, I hate understanding women. It makes men really, really confusing.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
May 28, 2008
I hate, Hate, HATE today...
I'm not in a bad mood or anything, I'm just really pissed with everything. I don't know why.
And then I'm like... grr... I can't stand anything right now.
Everything is making me angry. Grr...
I need a mate. I've decided. Even if it's not suggested to be permanent, I need someone to be physically close to, because if I don't have someone, I get close to everyone, even people who have no interest in it.
Gah.
And that's weird, and then I feel bad for talking to them that day, and then they think I'm weird... which I suppose I am.
But... I don't want to be physical with someone I don't even know. I'm not into that. I need someone who's just there. And they understand that that's all it is.
Back to ex-BID?
I don't know. We kind of stopped talking.
It just ended. The. End.
*sigh* I think it was half my fault, but he didn't help either. It's not like he was clamouring for my attention. He has enough of it that he doesn't need mine anymore.
Frig. I hate being me sometimes. Morals and a high sex drive.
Great combination.
Frig.
I'm not in a bad mood or anything, I'm just really pissed with everything. I don't know why.
And then I'm like... grr... I can't stand anything right now.
Everything is making me angry. Grr...
I need a mate. I've decided. Even if it's not suggested to be permanent, I need someone to be physically close to, because if I don't have someone, I get close to everyone, even people who have no interest in it.
Gah.
And that's weird, and then I feel bad for talking to them that day, and then they think I'm weird... which I suppose I am.
But... I don't want to be physical with someone I don't even know. I'm not into that. I need someone who's just there. And they understand that that's all it is.
Back to ex-BID?
I don't know. We kind of stopped talking.
It just ended. The. End.
*sigh* I think it was half my fault, but he didn't help either. It's not like he was clamouring for my attention. He has enough of it that he doesn't need mine anymore.
Frig. I hate being me sometimes. Morals and a high sex drive.
Great combination.
Frig.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
May 27, 2008
aha-ha!(like jeff-fa-fa.)
So, my teacher has a laptop for sale for 500 dollars and he said he'd sell it to me if I wanted it.
It's a mac.
Of course I want it.
Aargh. I hate being at my house, though. I go to school for seven hours, come home, babysit for another two, run to work, come home, refuse to eat because I always feel so stressed... Honestly thinking of drinking again right now. Enough, at least, to make me a little less tense. I hate being like this, and since I met alcohol... well. I'm an aquarius. We're prone to always being absorbed into something we're really big on. Right now, I have so many things that it's not even funny. Well, I guess it's not that much, its just that right now, every single thing I decide WILL affect the rest of my natural life.
Seriously.
So seriously.
:P
So, my teacher has a laptop for sale for 500 dollars and he said he'd sell it to me if I wanted it.
It's a mac.
Of course I want it.
Aargh. I hate being at my house, though. I go to school for seven hours, come home, babysit for another two, run to work, come home, refuse to eat because I always feel so stressed... Honestly thinking of drinking again right now. Enough, at least, to make me a little less tense. I hate being like this, and since I met alcohol... well. I'm an aquarius. We're prone to always being absorbed into something we're really big on. Right now, I have so many things that it's not even funny. Well, I guess it's not that much, its just that right now, every single thing I decide WILL affect the rest of my natural life.
Seriously.
So seriously.
:P
Monday, May 26, 2008
May 26, 2008
So, there's this thing Pepper Ann... who's an old nickname for someone I knew a while back- told me about writing poems:
"Just write a bunch of stuff down on the paper, just a load of crap that kinda flows or has really odd suspense-it doesn't have to actually make sense!"
And I found out how truly right she was.
Some of my best poems are ones that I sat down with the most odd snap words, and wrote them. My favourite is one about the Journey of a Water Droplet-in one of my other threads of things, I think.
This is a new one:
Deep Blue
Creating the atmosphere
Light, bright and blue determines
The next movement;
Ethereal, the phantom floating
Above the grassy hill moans
And draws in superstitious fairy-tales
While I hold my breath
And judge the safety of the moment.
I throw my hand down to the dust
Where the feet of the naked ghost,
White and limp, they dangle below
Slowly transcending reality
And I investigate its cards
Thrown down in a gust of wind from
Nowhere, from unknown directions;
It has two aces, a king, and a queen
Which trumps my two, six, ace, and
Joker.
By Nifzeta Chizala.
Now, it actually has a meaning, and I think I like it for the humor and utter reality of such a fantastical nature. it's awesome.
With a little 'a'.
That was my awesome update... oh. And a guy from my art class (a good looking, but utterly un-single guy) who shall henceforth be named Chakizetta or Chakiz for short gave me the best idea ever.
Since I've run out of nicknames for guys that are hot, I'm going to go back to the old language that my cousin made up to name them, here and in stories. It's easier, and more secretive.
So, I'll re-find the language and re-name everyone. Mine's Nifzeta.
This guy is Chakiz.
I once dated a Kizisini.
Linc's a shortform (which, nearly everyone has, since names can get really long, and I guess there'll be a corresponding name/nickname list:
Nifzeta:Nifty
Chakizetta:Chakiz
Kizisini:Kiz
Lincstetti:Linc
But I'll never use Kiz, I killed him off, and besides, he has another name on here.
Wow, I stopped nicknaming bfs with nicknames after Kiz. That's nuts.
I haven't done it again, seriously. They never hear their nicknames, they just go up here... I used to call Kiz Kiz all the time. And no one after that.
Complex, much?
Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
I guess I nickname some people still- Sha, Michatah, Silver, etc... but I'm not dating them.
Weird.
So there's this other hot guy at school, whose name I'm not going to say, because I haven't figured out his name yet (damn, I need to find that alphabet), but... *sigh* always thought he was gorgeous. And he's funny.
And he's human.
But he dated a girl I knew and she was... wow.
And damn Chakiz, always flirting. I guess, though, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, since I do the same thing. All the time. To everyone with a penis. Now I'm single though, so I'm trying really hard to only flirt with guys who are unbelievably doable or who are single. Because sometimes it pays to flirt with a guy who's got a girlfriend if all you want is a summer-time romance...
Which is what I'm essentially after. Unless it turns into something more important, which I doubt, but can't absolutely deny could possibly happen.
Anyway, I need to go print off my poem, so... tata.:D
"Just write a bunch of stuff down on the paper, just a load of crap that kinda flows or has really odd suspense-it doesn't have to actually make sense!"
And I found out how truly right she was.
Some of my best poems are ones that I sat down with the most odd snap words, and wrote them. My favourite is one about the Journey of a Water Droplet-in one of my other threads of things, I think.
This is a new one:
Deep Blue
Creating the atmosphere
Light, bright and blue determines
The next movement;
Ethereal, the phantom floating
Above the grassy hill moans
And draws in superstitious fairy-tales
While I hold my breath
And judge the safety of the moment.
I throw my hand down to the dust
Where the feet of the naked ghost,
White and limp, they dangle below
Slowly transcending reality
And I investigate its cards
Thrown down in a gust of wind from
Nowhere, from unknown directions;
It has two aces, a king, and a queen
Which trumps my two, six, ace, and
Joker.
By Nifzeta Chizala.
Now, it actually has a meaning, and I think I like it for the humor and utter reality of such a fantastical nature. it's awesome.
With a little 'a'.
That was my awesome update... oh. And a guy from my art class (a good looking, but utterly un-single guy) who shall henceforth be named Chakizetta or Chakiz for short gave me the best idea ever.
Since I've run out of nicknames for guys that are hot, I'm going to go back to the old language that my cousin made up to name them, here and in stories. It's easier, and more secretive.
So, I'll re-find the language and re-name everyone. Mine's Nifzeta.
This guy is Chakiz.
I once dated a Kizisini.
Linc's a shortform (which, nearly everyone has, since names can get really long, and I guess there'll be a corresponding name/nickname list:
Nifzeta:Nifty
Chakizetta:Chakiz
Kizisini:Kiz
Lincstetti:Linc
But I'll never use Kiz, I killed him off, and besides, he has another name on here.
Wow, I stopped nicknaming bfs with nicknames after Kiz. That's nuts.
I haven't done it again, seriously. They never hear their nicknames, they just go up here... I used to call Kiz Kiz all the time. And no one after that.
Complex, much?
Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
I guess I nickname some people still- Sha, Michatah, Silver, etc... but I'm not dating them.
Weird.
So there's this other hot guy at school, whose name I'm not going to say, because I haven't figured out his name yet (damn, I need to find that alphabet), but... *sigh* always thought he was gorgeous. And he's funny.
And he's human.
But he dated a girl I knew and she was... wow.
And damn Chakiz, always flirting. I guess, though, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, since I do the same thing. All the time. To everyone with a penis. Now I'm single though, so I'm trying really hard to only flirt with guys who are unbelievably doable or who are single. Because sometimes it pays to flirt with a guy who's got a girlfriend if all you want is a summer-time romance...
Which is what I'm essentially after. Unless it turns into something more important, which I doubt, but can't absolutely deny could possibly happen.
Anyway, I need to go print off my poem, so... tata.:D
Sunday, May 25, 2008
May 25 2008
Hmmm... I hope that this is the first blog for today... I think it is.
technologic-daft punk
So, I don't have much to say. Apprehensive today, about University. Not the going, but the fact that if I don't get this money thing figured out, I won't be able to go... So the Not Going, which would kill me.
I'm, like, obsessed with it.
*sigh*...
Ooh, short entry.
technologic-daft punk
So, I don't have much to say. Apprehensive today, about University. Not the going, but the fact that if I don't get this money thing figured out, I won't be able to go... So the Not Going, which would kill me.
I'm, like, obsessed with it.
*sigh*...
Ooh, short entry.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
May 25, 2008
So, one of the things on the PUA website is GFTOW, go (verb) ten other women, which in my case will be "go find ten other women" which, since I am a chick that is straight, will then be "go find ten other men" or GFTOM. This GFTOM relates to one-itis, which is when the mindset of a PUA is stationed on one person.
So, it happened. That's what I get for doing the BID... who's an ex BID? I'm not D him anymore, I guess... since he hasn't brought it up; I assume he's lost interest.
Whatever.
Anyway, I have a tendency to concentrate on one man, like, the one I'm doing at the time. I don't do more than that, because then those days where other names pop out happen. Since I drink enough, that's not a good mix. So I stick to one, usually.
Well, One-itis set in, so I got weird around him; constantly shooting him IOIs (indicators of interest.) Well, how am I supposed to be picking up a guy if I'm only sending IOIs to the guy who's least likely to ever need me to pick him up?
Well, I know I get one-itis, but I never knew why, till I read another thing which said it was all in my head. It's all in your head.
I decided to test this theory, and the GFTOM theory.
Does it work?
Well, I haven't fucked ten other men, but I've been dating and flirting like my life depended on it, blocking out the guys who aren't worth my time, aren't single, or aren't interested and concentrated on people I didn't know, wanted to know better, or just plain thought they were hot.
Which has happened.
And, it's working. I now, honestly, don't care whether or not the BID wants to do me. He's not my problem, I have at least three other promising men waiting for me to call them.
Mmmm....
Anyway, that's what I wanted to say; that, as far as I can tell, one-itis IS in my head and GFTOM DOES work for me...maybe you should all try it.
So, it happened. That's what I get for doing the BID... who's an ex BID? I'm not D him anymore, I guess... since he hasn't brought it up; I assume he's lost interest.
Whatever.
Anyway, I have a tendency to concentrate on one man, like, the one I'm doing at the time. I don't do more than that, because then those days where other names pop out happen. Since I drink enough, that's not a good mix. So I stick to one, usually.
Well, One-itis set in, so I got weird around him; constantly shooting him IOIs (indicators of interest.) Well, how am I supposed to be picking up a guy if I'm only sending IOIs to the guy who's least likely to ever need me to pick him up?
Well, I know I get one-itis, but I never knew why, till I read another thing which said it was all in my head. It's all in your head.
I decided to test this theory, and the GFTOM theory.
Does it work?
Well, I haven't fucked ten other men, but I've been dating and flirting like my life depended on it, blocking out the guys who aren't worth my time, aren't single, or aren't interested and concentrated on people I didn't know, wanted to know better, or just plain thought they were hot.
Which has happened.
And, it's working. I now, honestly, don't care whether or not the BID wants to do me. He's not my problem, I have at least three other promising men waiting for me to call them.
Mmmm....
Anyway, that's what I wanted to say; that, as far as I can tell, one-itis IS in my head and GFTOM DOES work for me...maybe you should all try it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
May 20, 2008
Hm... I miss chivalrousness in men. I think that's why I'm still single. I want a man who's oging to be honourable, and a lack of honour and loyalty turns me off.
Now that that's stated, I also can't stand meekness. They have to have enough confidence that they're not going to back down when something steps in their way.
I want perfection.
I want a storybook romance.
And I'm going to find it or die an old maid... with a few manslaves, because just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't keep myself happy. I just will forever be a wandering spirit, haunted with loneliness.
*sigh* I'm lonely now. I can only hope that getting out of where I am will help that.
I've noticed that I'm not happy here, and haven't been since last September; I feel stifled, and unable to move. For a while it was solved after I broke off all my male-female relationships. But recently everytime I go to the mountain brow's edge, I get lost... it's weird, I know. And it sounds depressing, but... I don't know. It's hard to explain. I just feel this crazy need to leave, to get away, and to express myself differently; I need to find something, I'm lost and something's not right. I'm not going to kill myself, or do something crazy, but I sure will be glad to get away and explore different things, until I get comfortable again. And that sure as heck isn't going to be here.
Now that that's stated, I also can't stand meekness. They have to have enough confidence that they're not going to back down when something steps in their way.
I want perfection.
I want a storybook romance.
And I'm going to find it or die an old maid... with a few manslaves, because just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't keep myself happy. I just will forever be a wandering spirit, haunted with loneliness.
*sigh* I'm lonely now. I can only hope that getting out of where I am will help that.
I've noticed that I'm not happy here, and haven't been since last September; I feel stifled, and unable to move. For a while it was solved after I broke off all my male-female relationships. But recently everytime I go to the mountain brow's edge, I get lost... it's weird, I know. And it sounds depressing, but... I don't know. It's hard to explain. I just feel this crazy need to leave, to get away, and to express myself differently; I need to find something, I'm lost and something's not right. I'm not going to kill myself, or do something crazy, but I sure will be glad to get away and explore different things, until I get comfortable again. And that sure as heck isn't going to be here.
Monday, May 19, 2008
May 19, 2008
Well, I've decided that one-itis is unapprovable for me. I don't think that Zack's going to do it for me, since he's clearly a player and not much else. The game's amazing, but the players are messed up. I can say that, since I'm attempting to figure out men. What I've discovered, is that I find it really hard to say "no, I have no interest in you, begone vile thing."
Even when the guy's trapped me against a wall and is kissing me. "No" should be easy. "No" should be simple and not so hard. Now, I'm not exactly easy, per se, because as soon as they start touching me I move. But a kiss? Not so bad, I guess. I mean, worst comes, I die of pneumonia or something of the likes.
Stupid Zack. Why couldn't you just be normal, like you used to be?
I guess I shouldn't hold anything against him, since I knew, once again, what I was getting into. I can't keep anyone anyway. Trent's too close, too soon. I will look when I'm there.
Three and a half months, now.
Half of May, and then June, July and August... Part of August. I'm excited. So excited to go. :D
I can't wait.
Let's see... rugby. I kicked my first conversion a little while ago, that was nice. We won the game. Now we're going to go try out for Stoney Creek.
:D I love rugby so much...
Sigh, though, on the guy thing. Only ugly guys seem to hang out at bars. What's up with that? I need to go find a place to find guys. We need a guy store. Definitely.
Haha. The only way to hang out with a good guy is to join a co-ed sport, and the only way to play well is to act like a guy--which, truthfully, I don't think that guys are impressed by a woman who's definitely stronger and probably more cunning.
EDIT: From now on, btw, BID means something along the lines of : Guy I'm seeing but not really in a relationship other than FB, but not a booty call; not a LTR or a STR because it may or may not be a little of all three; but not one in particular.
Therefore, Zack shall be known as BID1 simply because that's what he is. Ahahahaha. Haha. I love the mASF. Gorgeous people's minds on there. I also love acronyms...
Even when the guy's trapped me against a wall and is kissing me. "No" should be easy. "No" should be simple and not so hard. Now, I'm not exactly easy, per se, because as soon as they start touching me I move. But a kiss? Not so bad, I guess. I mean, worst comes, I die of pneumonia or something of the likes.
Stupid Zack. Why couldn't you just be normal, like you used to be?
I guess I shouldn't hold anything against him, since I knew, once again, what I was getting into. I can't keep anyone anyway. Trent's too close, too soon. I will look when I'm there.
Three and a half months, now.
Half of May, and then June, July and August... Part of August. I'm excited. So excited to go. :D
I can't wait.
Let's see... rugby. I kicked my first conversion a little while ago, that was nice. We won the game. Now we're going to go try out for Stoney Creek.
:D I love rugby so much...
Sigh, though, on the guy thing. Only ugly guys seem to hang out at bars. What's up with that? I need to go find a place to find guys. We need a guy store. Definitely.
Haha. The only way to hang out with a good guy is to join a co-ed sport, and the only way to play well is to act like a guy--which, truthfully, I don't think that guys are impressed by a woman who's definitely stronger and probably more cunning.
EDIT: From now on, btw, BID means something along the lines of : Guy I'm seeing but not really in a relationship other than FB, but not a booty call; not a LTR or a STR because it may or may not be a little of all three; but not one in particular.
Therefore, Zack shall be known as BID1 simply because that's what he is. Ahahahaha. Haha. I love the mASF. Gorgeous people's minds on there. I also love acronyms...
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
May 13 2008
So, I played rugby today. WEKILLED! It rocked. I actually kicked a conversion. It also rocked. I was happy :D
And... Yep. That about sums up my night, except for the random guy who, aside from the obvious distrust of society, pretty hot. I was downtown having a beer with one of my buddies who had just shown me the lister block, which is supposed to be demolished, when some guy walking by caught my eye. I have this thing of late about keeping eye contact. I refuse to release it until I can't keep it and my stance-thereby keeping the power. Makes guys more intruigued. Well, he held mine and I held his, and as he walked by, he said to my buddy: "I'd fuck your girlfriend", to which I immediately replied, "I'd fuck me too."
That made my day.
Is that sad?
And... Yep. That about sums up my night, except for the random guy who, aside from the obvious distrust of society, pretty hot. I was downtown having a beer with one of my buddies who had just shown me the lister block, which is supposed to be demolished, when some guy walking by caught my eye. I have this thing of late about keeping eye contact. I refuse to release it until I can't keep it and my stance-thereby keeping the power. Makes guys more intruigued. Well, he held mine and I held his, and as he walked by, he said to my buddy: "I'd fuck your girlfriend", to which I immediately replied, "I'd fuck me too."
That made my day.
Is that sad?
Monday, May 12, 2008
May 12 2008
So, I get the car!
Well, it won't be the bug I was looking at, but I'll go to res AND have a vehicle-because my dad got a different one:D
GO ME!
That's all. I'm tired, I just wante
Well, it won't be the bug I was looking at, but I'll go to res AND have a vehicle-because my dad got a different one:D
GO ME!
That's all. I'm tired, I just wante
Monday, April 28, 2008
April 28/08
Well, here's the honest to goodness up-to-the-minute- thought process:
So here’s the new one. I have no other place to keep a diary, since every other thing that I had one on happens to have downsides. Well. That’s not good since I need a place to write my innermost thoughts or else I get all confused and muddled and often depressed and then my work threatens to fire me. Since we know how bad that is, let me get this out.
I really think that that Baker boy is good looking. I don’t know how intelligent he is, but man, is he a nice something to look at. I walked into him in the office today-not intentionally, mind you, but *sigh* is my only point.
Do you know what, though? I think that when I’m around people that I find attractive, I get more aware of what I’m doing and what I look like and become really… aloof? I think the word would be. It’s really annoying and something to do to hide the stupid fear I feel around an attractive person because that’s what happens-it’s my survival mechanism. GAH!
I get all fake-confidence and annoying and “better than thou” and that’s what drives people away. It’s not like I’m afraid of the guy…wait. Who am I kidding? It’s exactly that. I’m terrified that he’ll dislike me, so I make myself cold enough that he won’t like me, so I’m not disappointed that he might not when he doesn’t. I hate what I am, a lot. That’s why I never fall in love with the people I’m with; it’s because if I’m dating them, then we’re only close enough to be friends and it could never go further.
Hem. I wonder…
The next time I see someone I like, I’ll smile at them instead of just being cold and nervous. Yes. I will. I will not only smile at them, I will also say “Hi, I’m Amy.” Because saying “Hi, I’m Amy and if you play your cards right and show some intelligence I might actually date you” sounds sort of… obnoxious. Okay, yes, really obnoxious.
Hem, this Pat Baker thing sort of lasted a long time. It’s probably because he’s that guy I don’t want to reach for, so I’m going to just admire from afar… I guess I am slightly afraid of him, because he hangs out with people I’ve never associated with and to go out with a guy from a different friend class means that I’ll have to start talking to the other group… Unless there’s a cool meshing of groups and we all just end up friends… Ha-ha.
Like that will ever happen. Like, in a million years, like. Never.
Maybe I should write a story on this. Hm.
Nifzeta and the good looking boy with dark hair walk into a bar and say ouch.
Ahhahahahahahahaahahahaahahahahaa*cough, cough*hahahahahaahahahahhahahahaahahaaaaaa*cough*hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah*sneeze*!
Right. Maybe. But anyway, that wasn’t the point of all this. The whole point is that I’m thoroughly disappointed in the number spelling mistakes (which are actually “Hems and just underlined. And the other whole point is that I’m a wimp and I’m too terrified to ask a guy out even though I’m really well versed in dating and mating and all that.
So. Next time I see him, I will introduce myself and I will talk to him, after I find out if he’s dating someone. Because he’s hot.
Or maybe I’ll just talk to him anyway. Even if I don’t know if he’s dating someone. I heard that he dated Natalie Scoccia (Sp?) last year, but that doesn’t mean much, as far as I’m concerned.
Man, he’s good looking.
Fits the bill for that dream man, too… except for the intelligence, unless he’s already taken smart courses while I was falling back to the dumb ones.
Then again, he doesn’t really make himself available at all… I think that was the first time that I’ve seen him this semester, even in the caf and hallways and places that are usually frequented. Then again, I know that I haven’t seen Tanner and the guys that Baker hangs out with often, either. That could be, though, because by the time that you hit returned grade 12, you’re old enough to know that the foyer isn’t cool to hang in…. it would be hilarious if that was where he hung out.
Haha, this sub’s hilarious. She’s wandering around the room watching what everyone’s doing to make sure we’rea ll doing work. Uh oh, I think that maybe Nolan’s back. I was…nope. Some gym teacher with no hair.
Damnit! I wish I had have said something to Pat while we were in the office. It’s that three second rule about people. If, in the first three second of seeing them you don’t start hitting on them, you shouldn’t. Because after that you’ve psyched yourself out so much that you’re terrified of talking in the first place.
And then they walk past you even though they spent a good three seconds looking at you too.
Of course. *smacks self in head*.
Man, he’s good looking. I’m angry with myself for not saying something. Arghhhghghghg.
“Hi, I’m Amy. I don’t know you, but I’d like to.”
Is it really that hard? Is it? I so missed out on that. Gah.
And so I just spent some time doing that, and complaining how dumb I am, and how much of a wimp I am, and how awkward I am in society, I’m going to get back to my work so that Nolan doesn’t kill us all when he gets back and finds out we spent a half hour writing a diary labeled Stuff under the CommTech Folder of my homework. Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do, right as soon as I’m not terribly gah’ed about this thing.
Ah, man. He’s amazing looking, and tall, and has gorgeous hair. And he looks serious and really moody which could be because he’s never smiling… Sigh. Sigh in my head and out loud. *sigh*.
This stupid obsession thing’s not going so well for me. I always have… I don’t want to call “crushes” crushes because it sounds childish, but I guess that’s what this is, technically.
So here’s the new one. I have no other place to keep a diary, since every other thing that I had one on happens to have downsides. Well. That’s not good since I need a place to write my innermost thoughts or else I get all confused and muddled and often depressed and then my work threatens to fire me. Since we know how bad that is, let me get this out.
I really think that that Baker boy is good looking. I don’t know how intelligent he is, but man, is he a nice something to look at. I walked into him in the office today-not intentionally, mind you, but *sigh* is my only point.
Do you know what, though? I think that when I’m around people that I find attractive, I get more aware of what I’m doing and what I look like and become really… aloof? I think the word would be. It’s really annoying and something to do to hide the stupid fear I feel around an attractive person because that’s what happens-it’s my survival mechanism. GAH!
I get all fake-confidence and annoying and “better than thou” and that’s what drives people away. It’s not like I’m afraid of the guy…wait. Who am I kidding? It’s exactly that. I’m terrified that he’ll dislike me, so I make myself cold enough that he won’t like me, so I’m not disappointed that he might not when he doesn’t. I hate what I am, a lot. That’s why I never fall in love with the people I’m with; it’s because if I’m dating them, then we’re only close enough to be friends and it could never go further.
Hem. I wonder…
The next time I see someone I like, I’ll smile at them instead of just being cold and nervous. Yes. I will. I will not only smile at them, I will also say “Hi, I’m Amy.” Because saying “Hi, I’m Amy and if you play your cards right and show some intelligence I might actually date you” sounds sort of… obnoxious. Okay, yes, really obnoxious.
Hem, this Pat Baker thing sort of lasted a long time. It’s probably because he’s that guy I don’t want to reach for, so I’m going to just admire from afar… I guess I am slightly afraid of him, because he hangs out with people I’ve never associated with and to go out with a guy from a different friend class means that I’ll have to start talking to the other group… Unless there’s a cool meshing of groups and we all just end up friends… Ha-ha.
Like that will ever happen. Like, in a million years, like. Never.
Maybe I should write a story on this. Hm.
Nifzeta and the good looking boy with dark hair walk into a bar and say ouch.
Ahhahahahahahahaahahahaahahahahaa*cough, cough*hahahahahaahahahahhahahahaahahaaaaaa*cough*hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah*sneeze*!
Right. Maybe. But anyway, that wasn’t the point of all this. The whole point is that I’m thoroughly disappointed in the number spelling mistakes (which are actually “Hems and just underlined. And the other whole point is that I’m a wimp and I’m too terrified to ask a guy out even though I’m really well versed in dating and mating and all that.
So. Next time I see him, I will introduce myself and I will talk to him, after I find out if he’s dating someone. Because he’s hot.
Or maybe I’ll just talk to him anyway. Even if I don’t know if he’s dating someone. I heard that he dated Natalie Scoccia (Sp?) last year, but that doesn’t mean much, as far as I’m concerned.
Man, he’s good looking.
Fits the bill for that dream man, too… except for the intelligence, unless he’s already taken smart courses while I was falling back to the dumb ones.
Then again, he doesn’t really make himself available at all… I think that was the first time that I’ve seen him this semester, even in the caf and hallways and places that are usually frequented. Then again, I know that I haven’t seen Tanner and the guys that Baker hangs out with often, either. That could be, though, because by the time that you hit returned grade 12, you’re old enough to know that the foyer isn’t cool to hang in…. it would be hilarious if that was where he hung out.
Haha, this sub’s hilarious. She’s wandering around the room watching what everyone’s doing to make sure we’rea ll doing work. Uh oh, I think that maybe Nolan’s back. I was…nope. Some gym teacher with no hair.
Damnit! I wish I had have said something to Pat while we were in the office. It’s that three second rule about people. If, in the first three second of seeing them you don’t start hitting on them, you shouldn’t. Because after that you’ve psyched yourself out so much that you’re terrified of talking in the first place.
And then they walk past you even though they spent a good three seconds looking at you too.
Of course. *smacks self in head*.
Man, he’s good looking. I’m angry with myself for not saying something. Arghhhghghghg.
“Hi, I’m Amy. I don’t know you, but I’d like to.”
Is it really that hard? Is it? I so missed out on that. Gah.
And so I just spent some time doing that, and complaining how dumb I am, and how much of a wimp I am, and how awkward I am in society, I’m going to get back to my work so that Nolan doesn’t kill us all when he gets back and finds out we spent a half hour writing a diary labeled Stuff under the CommTech Folder of my homework. Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do, right as soon as I’m not terribly gah’ed about this thing.
Ah, man. He’s amazing looking, and tall, and has gorgeous hair. And he looks serious and really moody which could be because he’s never smiling… Sigh. Sigh in my head and out loud. *sigh*.
This stupid obsession thing’s not going so well for me. I always have… I don’t want to call “crushes” crushes because it sounds childish, but I guess that’s what this is, technically.
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