July 29, 2008

This is my honest-to-gods self-infliced diary entry for the day. It explains what I am and what i think, and probably gives a disgustingly close amount of insight into a woman's mind.

July 29, 2008
I definitely have a problem. I just finished reading a book by Tucker Max called “I hope they serve beer in hell” and I realize that I’m close but not exactly like every other woman that he spent time fucking in his life thus far.
I’m the same, because I have learned that I can fuck without knowing a person’s last name.
I am different, because after, I do not blame the occasion on them, rather I try to learn how to beat the man to the punch next time.
What the hell.
I am still not a whore, I just no longer believe in love, and I think that this has come around in the last year or so.
Why, you ask? Well, simply put, it’s not worth it. I spend half my time blaming myself for having sex because a bunch of people told me that it’s unacceptable. Well, screw all you too. Guess what? I don’t care and haven’t for a while. I get it. You think it’s wrong. Well, I don’t.
So, that makes me different then the women.
But I’m still female and therefore like the fuck, but I also like a bit of stability and ass when I want it, knowing that it’s not being tapped by some other woman, when I want it.
Do you know what I want? A man who upfront says:
“Look. I don’t want a relationship of any kind. I’m looking for a fuckbuddy for a week. That’s all. The end.”
I’m sorry, I never learned the finer nuances of being female, like reading minds or understanding shit like that. Just be intelligent. Don’t fuck with my head. Don’t piss me off and say nice things. Fuck, talk like normal people, leave. The end. No pretense, no precursor, no falseties.
Furthermore, any man who does not come right out and say this is asking for trouble because I will assume that if it is not stated, then the male is open for assumption that I will fall for him at some point.
He whose nickname I cannot recall said: I want a fuckbuddy.
I said: Okay.
I started to fall for him; I removed myself immediately from his presence because I knew I wouldn’t win. I did not spend a week or two or three fawning over him. I gave up.
I’m alpha, not retarded. Chasing after impossible things is like a dog chasing his tail. And I know I’m not good enough to read people, so I’ll just be smart and start asking upfront, from now on. And I hope to the Gods of all that is real, that men do not get the wrong idea. Because truthfully, if I am sleeping with you, chances are I have so far deemed you as worthy and it is physically possible that I will, indeed, take more interest in you in the future. It takes a very short line to trip the warning switch though, so I'm not saying that saying right off that you're looking for a relationship is going to work.