January 15, 2008

So, I have decided to keep a running blog of what really goes on in my head. No holds barred, nothing left to keep hidden. So here it is.

Today is January 15th. Obviously. That's the title. Right. I just spent three hours trying to transfer all of my files over from the main computer in the house to my personal laptop, something I've been avoiding doing for quite some time, seeing as I knew it would take three hours, and I'd rather spend the three hours doing something more productive, of course. I would much rather have been downloading music by Boney M and Meat Loaf.

Don't get me wrong, I love my files, but I don't really need them to be on my laptop.

And this has nothing to do with what it was that made me want to blog in the first place.
What did happen, was that I have recently ejected myself from the world of couples, happy, secure couples...on purpose. I wanted to. I hate being in a relationship, and having to answer to one person, even if that one person is sooo happy being with me. At the point where I gave in, it was a little over a year and four months, and I was ready to KILL!
And the fact that I realized this, also made me realize that I have forever felt this way, in a relationship. Now, does that mean that I hate committment? Or that I just haven't found the right One? I think it might be a litte of both.
That, and I've realized that spending my life raising children is NOT a lifepath I'd like to take. It would be great, for some people, yes. But not me. I like kids, I want one or two or even three. That's fine. But I can honestly not sit around and do that now.
Personally, I'd like to have a few kids, then ship them off to someone else to look after while I go out and have fun in other countries.
Since I see that as particularily detrimental to a child's health, I also see how it would affect the future of the planet, and thereby understand that it's not high on my priorities list.

Once, I read this article about something to do with if a man was right for you. And it said that the way he treats his mother is the way he'll treat you once you're married. I always kind of ignored it, until at about a year, my ex started being kind of mean, at little points, in the same manner as he would have to his mother.

I now swear by the rule.

I also, am no longer dating him. He had good qualities and bad qualities, but was mostly just...not at the same point in his life as I was. So, I changed, he didn't. The end. Literally.

Also, lately, I've been wondering about some of my other exes (Who, I'm sure, I made dump me too, because I never really had the guts to do it to them.)

1. Backcatcher: Did he ever get the chick he dated directly after me pregnant? I always wanted to know about that one.

2. Pitcher: How is he? I truly wish I had kept in better touch with him, because he was a really great guy, and he was always very respectful-and witty-with his mother. That and he was good looking AND good at sports--and he always ended up being really thoughtful.

Really, I think that I wish I could just facebook them, which, I tried to do with pitcher. I couldn't seem to locate him on it. Once I added him, I suppose when he first was on, but then it seemed like he just...disappeared. I regret that, I really wish I had kept up with his life.
Now, backcatcher, I don't really regard with so much care. I don't dislike him, by any means. I just don't really care about staying friends with him as much as pitcher. Backcatcher was a... foolishly plotted obsession, as I see now. But we all have to fall insanely once or twice, right? Still, sometimes I think it would be neat to hook up with him, just once, to see what came of it. Now I'm older and wiser, and have had more practise, that is.
But of the two, I'd rather have pitcher. I didn't fight often with him, for any real reasons that I hadn't imagined or made up. Backcatcher I fought with consistently. It was part of the fun of the relationship, I think.

And off I've gone, remembering the past.

Still, that was what's been bugging me, and I wish that they would attempt to contact me, and tell me that they even know who I am-- which I wouldn't doubt they wouldn't recognize me since then... apparently I look a lot different. Heh. I don't think so, but hey-who's to say, right? If anything, I'm way cuter than I used to be.
I think I've finally discovered in part what I'm supposed to be.