September 15 2008

So, the most frustrating thing that I have ever discovered, is being stretched too thin. I have been in a position where I am working three jobs and going to school full time and playing rugby, and had a boyfriend on top of that, and I wasn't stretched too thin. I have been in a position where I had absolutely no money, but always some way to get what I needed, and never have had a problem with it. I have had so much to do that I forgot to sleep.
And I have survived.

But I don't know how long this will last.
I have no money, no job, I'm on a varsity rugby team, and I go to school full time. I live at school.
And it is the hardest time that I have ever had. I frequently am forgetting to sleep, I am generally headachey, slightly nauseous, and am always hopped up on coffee. I'm not sure that the food here is good at all, in fact, I'm rather disappointed at how disgustingly oily EVERYTHING is. Even the salads are hard to make healthy.
But the thing is, that I always had support. I always figured out a way to get what I need. And I can't do it anymore. It's so hard to understand.
I can't get a loan because I have no credit. I have no credit because I can't get a loan because I have no credit.
It's an unerring cycle that's bullshit.
I need a co-signer but no one can co-sign because everyone I know is in financial worry. No one is in a position to do so.

And they took away my osap, so I can't afford my school books, let alone my insurance for my car to get back to where I live or my food for those days when the friggen caf's are only open when I need to be at rugby.
And God help me if I want to have a life.
I can't afford it. Ahahaah. Mom, you didn't need to spot me twenty dollars for that pub card. I have no money. I can't afford to drink.
Fuck. I'm going to be a prostitute.
They make money that's not taxed AND it's not half bad work. Ahahahahaaahahahaa... Oh, that just made me laugh. I think I've hit that point of exhaustion where not only am I tired, but I'm coming into illogical suggestions. Hahahahaahahahaahahahaa. Aah. Ah. AaAh. Hehe. Haaaah. Now I'm good. I'm good.