I hate, Hate, HATE today...
I'm not in a bad mood or anything, I'm just really pissed with everything. I don't know why.
And then I'm like... grr... I can't stand anything right now.
Everything is making me angry. Grr...
I need a mate. I've decided. Even if it's not suggested to be permanent, I need someone to be physically close to, because if I don't have someone, I get close to everyone, even people who have no interest in it.
Gah.
And that's weird, and then I feel bad for talking to them that day, and then they think I'm weird... which I suppose I am.
But... I don't want to be physical with someone I don't even know. I'm not into that. I need someone who's just there. And they understand that that's all it is.
Back to ex-BID?
I don't know. We kind of stopped talking.
It just ended. The. End.
*sigh* I think it was half my fault, but he didn't help either. It's not like he was clamouring for my attention. He has enough of it that he doesn't need mine anymore.
Frig. I hate being me sometimes. Morals and a high sex drive.
Great combination.
Frig.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
May 27, 2008
aha-ha!(like jeff-fa-fa.)
So, my teacher has a laptop for sale for 500 dollars and he said he'd sell it to me if I wanted it.
It's a mac.
Of course I want it.
Aargh. I hate being at my house, though. I go to school for seven hours, come home, babysit for another two, run to work, come home, refuse to eat because I always feel so stressed... Honestly thinking of drinking again right now. Enough, at least, to make me a little less tense. I hate being like this, and since I met alcohol... well. I'm an aquarius. We're prone to always being absorbed into something we're really big on. Right now, I have so many things that it's not even funny. Well, I guess it's not that much, its just that right now, every single thing I decide WILL affect the rest of my natural life.
Seriously.
So seriously.
:P
So, my teacher has a laptop for sale for 500 dollars and he said he'd sell it to me if I wanted it.
It's a mac.
Of course I want it.
Aargh. I hate being at my house, though. I go to school for seven hours, come home, babysit for another two, run to work, come home, refuse to eat because I always feel so stressed... Honestly thinking of drinking again right now. Enough, at least, to make me a little less tense. I hate being like this, and since I met alcohol... well. I'm an aquarius. We're prone to always being absorbed into something we're really big on. Right now, I have so many things that it's not even funny. Well, I guess it's not that much, its just that right now, every single thing I decide WILL affect the rest of my natural life.
Seriously.
So seriously.
:P
Monday, May 26, 2008
May 26, 2008
So, there's this thing Pepper Ann... who's an old nickname for someone I knew a while back- told me about writing poems:
"Just write a bunch of stuff down on the paper, just a load of crap that kinda flows or has really odd suspense-it doesn't have to actually make sense!"
And I found out how truly right she was.
Some of my best poems are ones that I sat down with the most odd snap words, and wrote them. My favourite is one about the Journey of a Water Droplet-in one of my other threads of things, I think.
This is a new one:
Deep Blue
Creating the atmosphere
Light, bright and blue determines
The next movement;
Ethereal, the phantom floating
Above the grassy hill moans
And draws in superstitious fairy-tales
While I hold my breath
And judge the safety of the moment.
I throw my hand down to the dust
Where the feet of the naked ghost,
White and limp, they dangle below
Slowly transcending reality
And I investigate its cards
Thrown down in a gust of wind from
Nowhere, from unknown directions;
It has two aces, a king, and a queen
Which trumps my two, six, ace, and
Joker.
By Nifzeta Chizala.
Now, it actually has a meaning, and I think I like it for the humor and utter reality of such a fantastical nature. it's awesome.
With a little 'a'.
That was my awesome update... oh. And a guy from my art class (a good looking, but utterly un-single guy) who shall henceforth be named Chakizetta or Chakiz for short gave me the best idea ever.
Since I've run out of nicknames for guys that are hot, I'm going to go back to the old language that my cousin made up to name them, here and in stories. It's easier, and more secretive.
So, I'll re-find the language and re-name everyone. Mine's Nifzeta.
This guy is Chakiz.
I once dated a Kizisini.
Linc's a shortform (which, nearly everyone has, since names can get really long, and I guess there'll be a corresponding name/nickname list:
Nifzeta:Nifty
Chakizetta:Chakiz
Kizisini:Kiz
Lincstetti:Linc
But I'll never use Kiz, I killed him off, and besides, he has another name on here.
Wow, I stopped nicknaming bfs with nicknames after Kiz. That's nuts.
I haven't done it again, seriously. They never hear their nicknames, they just go up here... I used to call Kiz Kiz all the time. And no one after that.
Complex, much?
Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
I guess I nickname some people still- Sha, Michatah, Silver, etc... but I'm not dating them.
Weird.
So there's this other hot guy at school, whose name I'm not going to say, because I haven't figured out his name yet (damn, I need to find that alphabet), but... *sigh* always thought he was gorgeous. And he's funny.
And he's human.
But he dated a girl I knew and she was... wow.
And damn Chakiz, always flirting. I guess, though, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, since I do the same thing. All the time. To everyone with a penis. Now I'm single though, so I'm trying really hard to only flirt with guys who are unbelievably doable or who are single. Because sometimes it pays to flirt with a guy who's got a girlfriend if all you want is a summer-time romance...
Which is what I'm essentially after. Unless it turns into something more important, which I doubt, but can't absolutely deny could possibly happen.
Anyway, I need to go print off my poem, so... tata.:D
"Just write a bunch of stuff down on the paper, just a load of crap that kinda flows or has really odd suspense-it doesn't have to actually make sense!"
And I found out how truly right she was.
Some of my best poems are ones that I sat down with the most odd snap words, and wrote them. My favourite is one about the Journey of a Water Droplet-in one of my other threads of things, I think.
This is a new one:
Deep Blue
Creating the atmosphere
Light, bright and blue determines
The next movement;
Ethereal, the phantom floating
Above the grassy hill moans
And draws in superstitious fairy-tales
While I hold my breath
And judge the safety of the moment.
I throw my hand down to the dust
Where the feet of the naked ghost,
White and limp, they dangle below
Slowly transcending reality
And I investigate its cards
Thrown down in a gust of wind from
Nowhere, from unknown directions;
It has two aces, a king, and a queen
Which trumps my two, six, ace, and
Joker.
By Nifzeta Chizala.
Now, it actually has a meaning, and I think I like it for the humor and utter reality of such a fantastical nature. it's awesome.
With a little 'a'.
That was my awesome update... oh. And a guy from my art class (a good looking, but utterly un-single guy) who shall henceforth be named Chakizetta or Chakiz for short gave me the best idea ever.
Since I've run out of nicknames for guys that are hot, I'm going to go back to the old language that my cousin made up to name them, here and in stories. It's easier, and more secretive.
So, I'll re-find the language and re-name everyone. Mine's Nifzeta.
This guy is Chakiz.
I once dated a Kizisini.
Linc's a shortform (which, nearly everyone has, since names can get really long, and I guess there'll be a corresponding name/nickname list:
Nifzeta:Nifty
Chakizetta:Chakiz
Kizisini:Kiz
Lincstetti:Linc
But I'll never use Kiz, I killed him off, and besides, he has another name on here.
Wow, I stopped nicknaming bfs with nicknames after Kiz. That's nuts.
I haven't done it again, seriously. They never hear their nicknames, they just go up here... I used to call Kiz Kiz all the time. And no one after that.
Complex, much?
Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
I guess I nickname some people still- Sha, Michatah, Silver, etc... but I'm not dating them.
Weird.
So there's this other hot guy at school, whose name I'm not going to say, because I haven't figured out his name yet (damn, I need to find that alphabet), but... *sigh* always thought he was gorgeous. And he's funny.
And he's human.
But he dated a girl I knew and she was... wow.
And damn Chakiz, always flirting. I guess, though, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, since I do the same thing. All the time. To everyone with a penis. Now I'm single though, so I'm trying really hard to only flirt with guys who are unbelievably doable or who are single. Because sometimes it pays to flirt with a guy who's got a girlfriend if all you want is a summer-time romance...
Which is what I'm essentially after. Unless it turns into something more important, which I doubt, but can't absolutely deny could possibly happen.
Anyway, I need to go print off my poem, so... tata.:D
Sunday, May 25, 2008
May 25 2008
Hmmm... I hope that this is the first blog for today... I think it is.
technologic-daft punk
So, I don't have much to say. Apprehensive today, about University. Not the going, but the fact that if I don't get this money thing figured out, I won't be able to go... So the Not Going, which would kill me.
I'm, like, obsessed with it.
*sigh*...
Ooh, short entry.
technologic-daft punk
So, I don't have much to say. Apprehensive today, about University. Not the going, but the fact that if I don't get this money thing figured out, I won't be able to go... So the Not Going, which would kill me.
I'm, like, obsessed with it.
*sigh*...
Ooh, short entry.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
May 25, 2008
So, one of the things on the PUA website is GFTOW, go (verb) ten other women, which in my case will be "go find ten other women" which, since I am a chick that is straight, will then be "go find ten other men" or GFTOM. This GFTOM relates to one-itis, which is when the mindset of a PUA is stationed on one person.
So, it happened. That's what I get for doing the BID... who's an ex BID? I'm not D him anymore, I guess... since he hasn't brought it up; I assume he's lost interest.
Whatever.
Anyway, I have a tendency to concentrate on one man, like, the one I'm doing at the time. I don't do more than that, because then those days where other names pop out happen. Since I drink enough, that's not a good mix. So I stick to one, usually.
Well, One-itis set in, so I got weird around him; constantly shooting him IOIs (indicators of interest.) Well, how am I supposed to be picking up a guy if I'm only sending IOIs to the guy who's least likely to ever need me to pick him up?
Well, I know I get one-itis, but I never knew why, till I read another thing which said it was all in my head. It's all in your head.
I decided to test this theory, and the GFTOM theory.
Does it work?
Well, I haven't fucked ten other men, but I've been dating and flirting like my life depended on it, blocking out the guys who aren't worth my time, aren't single, or aren't interested and concentrated on people I didn't know, wanted to know better, or just plain thought they were hot.
Which has happened.
And, it's working. I now, honestly, don't care whether or not the BID wants to do me. He's not my problem, I have at least three other promising men waiting for me to call them.
Mmmm....
Anyway, that's what I wanted to say; that, as far as I can tell, one-itis IS in my head and GFTOM DOES work for me...maybe you should all try it.
So, it happened. That's what I get for doing the BID... who's an ex BID? I'm not D him anymore, I guess... since he hasn't brought it up; I assume he's lost interest.
Whatever.
Anyway, I have a tendency to concentrate on one man, like, the one I'm doing at the time. I don't do more than that, because then those days where other names pop out happen. Since I drink enough, that's not a good mix. So I stick to one, usually.
Well, One-itis set in, so I got weird around him; constantly shooting him IOIs (indicators of interest.) Well, how am I supposed to be picking up a guy if I'm only sending IOIs to the guy who's least likely to ever need me to pick him up?
Well, I know I get one-itis, but I never knew why, till I read another thing which said it was all in my head. It's all in your head.
I decided to test this theory, and the GFTOM theory.
Does it work?
Well, I haven't fucked ten other men, but I've been dating and flirting like my life depended on it, blocking out the guys who aren't worth my time, aren't single, or aren't interested and concentrated on people I didn't know, wanted to know better, or just plain thought they were hot.
Which has happened.
And, it's working. I now, honestly, don't care whether or not the BID wants to do me. He's not my problem, I have at least three other promising men waiting for me to call them.
Mmmm....
Anyway, that's what I wanted to say; that, as far as I can tell, one-itis IS in my head and GFTOM DOES work for me...maybe you should all try it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
May 20, 2008
Hm... I miss chivalrousness in men. I think that's why I'm still single. I want a man who's oging to be honourable, and a lack of honour and loyalty turns me off.
Now that that's stated, I also can't stand meekness. They have to have enough confidence that they're not going to back down when something steps in their way.
I want perfection.
I want a storybook romance.
And I'm going to find it or die an old maid... with a few manslaves, because just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't keep myself happy. I just will forever be a wandering spirit, haunted with loneliness.
*sigh* I'm lonely now. I can only hope that getting out of where I am will help that.
I've noticed that I'm not happy here, and haven't been since last September; I feel stifled, and unable to move. For a while it was solved after I broke off all my male-female relationships. But recently everytime I go to the mountain brow's edge, I get lost... it's weird, I know. And it sounds depressing, but... I don't know. It's hard to explain. I just feel this crazy need to leave, to get away, and to express myself differently; I need to find something, I'm lost and something's not right. I'm not going to kill myself, or do something crazy, but I sure will be glad to get away and explore different things, until I get comfortable again. And that sure as heck isn't going to be here.
Now that that's stated, I also can't stand meekness. They have to have enough confidence that they're not going to back down when something steps in their way.
I want perfection.
I want a storybook romance.
And I'm going to find it or die an old maid... with a few manslaves, because just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't keep myself happy. I just will forever be a wandering spirit, haunted with loneliness.
*sigh* I'm lonely now. I can only hope that getting out of where I am will help that.
I've noticed that I'm not happy here, and haven't been since last September; I feel stifled, and unable to move. For a while it was solved after I broke off all my male-female relationships. But recently everytime I go to the mountain brow's edge, I get lost... it's weird, I know. And it sounds depressing, but... I don't know. It's hard to explain. I just feel this crazy need to leave, to get away, and to express myself differently; I need to find something, I'm lost and something's not right. I'm not going to kill myself, or do something crazy, but I sure will be glad to get away and explore different things, until I get comfortable again. And that sure as heck isn't going to be here.
Monday, May 19, 2008
May 19, 2008
Well, I've decided that one-itis is unapprovable for me. I don't think that Zack's going to do it for me, since he's clearly a player and not much else. The game's amazing, but the players are messed up. I can say that, since I'm attempting to figure out men. What I've discovered, is that I find it really hard to say "no, I have no interest in you, begone vile thing."
Even when the guy's trapped me against a wall and is kissing me. "No" should be easy. "No" should be simple and not so hard. Now, I'm not exactly easy, per se, because as soon as they start touching me I move. But a kiss? Not so bad, I guess. I mean, worst comes, I die of pneumonia or something of the likes.
Stupid Zack. Why couldn't you just be normal, like you used to be?
I guess I shouldn't hold anything against him, since I knew, once again, what I was getting into. I can't keep anyone anyway. Trent's too close, too soon. I will look when I'm there.
Three and a half months, now.
Half of May, and then June, July and August... Part of August. I'm excited. So excited to go. :D
I can't wait.
Let's see... rugby. I kicked my first conversion a little while ago, that was nice. We won the game. Now we're going to go try out for Stoney Creek.
:D I love rugby so much...
Sigh, though, on the guy thing. Only ugly guys seem to hang out at bars. What's up with that? I need to go find a place to find guys. We need a guy store. Definitely.
Haha. The only way to hang out with a good guy is to join a co-ed sport, and the only way to play well is to act like a guy--which, truthfully, I don't think that guys are impressed by a woman who's definitely stronger and probably more cunning.
EDIT: From now on, btw, BID means something along the lines of : Guy I'm seeing but not really in a relationship other than FB, but not a booty call; not a LTR or a STR because it may or may not be a little of all three; but not one in particular.
Therefore, Zack shall be known as BID1 simply because that's what he is. Ahahahaha. Haha. I love the mASF. Gorgeous people's minds on there. I also love acronyms...
Even when the guy's trapped me against a wall and is kissing me. "No" should be easy. "No" should be simple and not so hard. Now, I'm not exactly easy, per se, because as soon as they start touching me I move. But a kiss? Not so bad, I guess. I mean, worst comes, I die of pneumonia or something of the likes.
Stupid Zack. Why couldn't you just be normal, like you used to be?
I guess I shouldn't hold anything against him, since I knew, once again, what I was getting into. I can't keep anyone anyway. Trent's too close, too soon. I will look when I'm there.
Three and a half months, now.
Half of May, and then June, July and August... Part of August. I'm excited. So excited to go. :D
I can't wait.
Let's see... rugby. I kicked my first conversion a little while ago, that was nice. We won the game. Now we're going to go try out for Stoney Creek.
:D I love rugby so much...
Sigh, though, on the guy thing. Only ugly guys seem to hang out at bars. What's up with that? I need to go find a place to find guys. We need a guy store. Definitely.
Haha. The only way to hang out with a good guy is to join a co-ed sport, and the only way to play well is to act like a guy--which, truthfully, I don't think that guys are impressed by a woman who's definitely stronger and probably more cunning.
EDIT: From now on, btw, BID means something along the lines of : Guy I'm seeing but not really in a relationship other than FB, but not a booty call; not a LTR or a STR because it may or may not be a little of all three; but not one in particular.
Therefore, Zack shall be known as BID1 simply because that's what he is. Ahahahaha. Haha. I love the mASF. Gorgeous people's minds on there. I also love acronyms...
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
May 13 2008
So, I played rugby today. WEKILLED! It rocked. I actually kicked a conversion. It also rocked. I was happy :D
And... Yep. That about sums up my night, except for the random guy who, aside from the obvious distrust of society, pretty hot. I was downtown having a beer with one of my buddies who had just shown me the lister block, which is supposed to be demolished, when some guy walking by caught my eye. I have this thing of late about keeping eye contact. I refuse to release it until I can't keep it and my stance-thereby keeping the power. Makes guys more intruigued. Well, he held mine and I held his, and as he walked by, he said to my buddy: "I'd fuck your girlfriend", to which I immediately replied, "I'd fuck me too."
That made my day.
Is that sad?
And... Yep. That about sums up my night, except for the random guy who, aside from the obvious distrust of society, pretty hot. I was downtown having a beer with one of my buddies who had just shown me the lister block, which is supposed to be demolished, when some guy walking by caught my eye. I have this thing of late about keeping eye contact. I refuse to release it until I can't keep it and my stance-thereby keeping the power. Makes guys more intruigued. Well, he held mine and I held his, and as he walked by, he said to my buddy: "I'd fuck your girlfriend", to which I immediately replied, "I'd fuck me too."
That made my day.
Is that sad?
Monday, May 12, 2008
May 12 2008
So, I get the car!
Well, it won't be the bug I was looking at, but I'll go to res AND have a vehicle-because my dad got a different one:D
GO ME!
That's all. I'm tired, I just wante
Well, it won't be the bug I was looking at, but I'll go to res AND have a vehicle-because my dad got a different one:D
GO ME!
That's all. I'm tired, I just wante
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)