April 21 2008

Aah. I'm in a good mood today for no particular reason. My laptop currently has a virus-ish-non-virus on it, so I can't actually use it. I'm at school right now, which kind of sucks, but I guess that's okay. I knew it would suck, and was prepped for it already. I worked all weekend. Didn't do anything interesting. Had a great conversation at school lunch today... it trasversed over several points of interest that I honestly had to get in on... So I did. That took like, an hour of my life. I miss doing stuff like that. Awesome discussions that last so long you don't even know where the day went... I miss Westmount for that. It was a nice school, with intelligent people, and the best part was that there was always a reason to study.
I am a competitive person. I have always been so.
And I just realized it.
I thought that when I hit rugby, I just got competitive. No, it's not true. I've always competed for highest marks. Then I met Backcatcher and no longer had to compete. But it wasn't because of him, it was something that I realized when I was with him: I didn't like how stressed I was all the time. I am a high-stress person.
And when I'm not, I'm irritable and unlikable.
So, the choice is: Mellow and irritable loner or high stress and slightly excited all the time.
I think I liked it better when I would pick up a random book for the sake of reading, and enjoying knowing more than everyone else. Yeah.
I like the competition that I have to beat. Lauren left, I can't compete with her anymore... but Michelle in photography, I can beat her.
In art, I'm not really doing it to beat anyone, though, because I like art for art. Though, when I got angry, or tired, I did better. So, I think I'll put off art till I feel like artsy. What else? English? Well, I rock English when I want to. I don't even have to work hard. So, I figure, if I just show up and do my work, I'll kill the class and be done with it.
As for my comtech class... i don't know. It's computers, and I guess I kinda like it... but I'm not interested in everything, only components. So... I'll work on it, but there's no challenge, at all.
Anyway, the whole point of this was that I learned that I need to be stressed to be happy. If there's no problem, I'm uncomfortable, because there's nothing to do. That means that it's about time I returned to my roots. It's time that I stop being all "Depressed Nifty" and get back into intelligence.
I also realized that I can't stand stupid people, and I think my choices of mates has proven that. I'm single. Does that give you an idea...?
Then again, I can't say I don't enjoy the idea of fooling around with a random football player, because they're always the hot ones. eh? Eh? Anyone else up for a hot rugby/football/basketball(hey, they're tall...not always good looking, but they are tall)/track&field player?
I am... That's for sure. Just not in a date-date-relation. I hate it when I'm conversing with myself.
It happens all the time at my house; I'll be talking about some hugely pointless topic (beezlebufo, eg?) and everyone just blanks me out. Now, I have a habit of jumping from idea to idea, and important stuff gets mixed in with the simple theorizing, and then everyone who blanks me out after a minute (everyone) all miss the important thing I just said. Usually it's about me working, or other stuff.

But, yeah... So... Yeah. I like intelligent conversations. They make me think. I like thinking. Thinking is productive. I think I need to go read some literature. :D
Or work on my commtech.