Not brave enough to jump, too rebellious not to fall// going on hiatus for a few days

Hey,
     so i have decided that i need a break for a few days. i'm beginning to feel a little bit... down... again. as a result, i'm taking a few more days off of everything that isn't absolutely necessary in order to recoup my losses and figure out where i'm going next. perhaps it's about time for another counselor appointment after all. need to figure out where i am in life, and how to proceed.
                    nifzeta

Woah. Busy.

I know I haven't been around, I know. I've been lax on the crafting, too. Working on some things for people, some cards in the time I put aside for crafting (often overlapping with "hanging out" with friends that are long overdue for visits, since school's essay and reading requirements picked up).

I decided to paint my nails this morning while reading about caddisfly larvae for a lab I did:

Sparkly snowman.

And I have been making cards:

See? I haven't been dead.

But I've been working like insane hours. This is how much I made in two weeks-- plus I went to school full time, keep that in mind. Also, I make minimum wage, and get full taxes taken off:

Bonus points if you figure out how much I took out as cash when I deposited my first cheque.

I suppose that I'm paying for my sin of greed (as that's generally what makes me work the hours that I do)*, though, as I feel drained, tired, uncaring, guilty and a little bit depressed that this is what my life is, and that I have to do this in order to keep up on my bills.
But, I'm making it. I'm doing what I have to do. I'm doing it to make a better life. And that's what I have to think about.



*I would like to point out that I also work two jobs: One at a bookstore and one at a large electronics retailer. They're both great jobs, but both are "temporary" positions. I was originally applying to the electronics job to make up for the expected loss of the bookstore job, but the bookstore underwent some intense internal changes and actually required that I along with a coworker stay to help out, so technically I suppose that you could consider that as not guilt but an attempt to help, but I think it's mostly greed on my part.

Another day, another dollar. Also, one day closer to being finished.

 Last two weeks of school and then Christmas break! Then, just to work and make some money. Then OSAP comes in January and I start my last semester of University (pleasepleasepleaseplease).

I'm writing essays today (and tomorrow) (and this weekend) (and this whole coming week) (okay, I just started one, but I decided that I needed an inspiration first, so I thought that I'd write a blog post. and then save it to publish later, since I wrote one this morning).

Things I need while writing essays (within arm's reach):

Lip Balm

Pens and Calculator (this one's my faithful Ti-83 from high school. Like, grade 9.

Tea! Tea! Tea! This one's an herbal one by Celestial, called gingerbread or something like that.

My iPod. Classic, 80 GB. Also from high school, but like grade 10 ish? Haven't upgraded because, why?

Waterbottle (s). Because for some reason I always realize how thirsty I am while writing essays. Probably because I'm bored.

My laptop. Because it's my writing instrument. The pens are just for show. 

A little bit awol

Well, guys, I'm a little bit busy at the moment.
I blame it on the fact that I'm working 30-35 hours a week, as well as going to school full time and live out of my parents house so I happened to miss out on that awesome "free food" and "only 1/3 of the normal chore base" that keeping house requires.
Basically, it snowed and stayed for the first time last night, and this is how I live it:

This is outside, through my window. Oh, at 7:00 am. I'm already dressed and showered because I work at 9:30 and have class at 1, but haven't quite gotten the stack of readings done.
I'm definitely dropping this prof's class next semester. It's already one I've semi-taken anyway.

Anyway, I'm out. Got these Nubian dentition to read about. Whoop-dee.

To start what should have been before...

In recognition of myself not actually having real goals painted out, I have decided to start a bucket list on my pinterest. So far: I am going to do a canoe trip in the backcountry Kawartha Highlands park this summer.
    Here's my board: http://www.pinterest.com/nifzeta/bucket-list/
Because, seriously. I only have two things on it. 1) camping. 2) graduate.
 Nice... Wheeee! Gonna figure out what I like. I wish I had a phone that could do pinterest so that I could do it when I think of things I want to do.

Old Habits Die Hard

Haven't done one of these in uh... about six years? Maybe seven or eight? It seems kind of silly especially since I got into the sciences (where this stuff is generally all disproven) but for some reason, I always feel like there's more information about what I'm looking for in these cards than people around me can help me with when I need it. For such an old problem, it's about time I pulled this out again. It's only fitting, when it concerns what it does. If nothing else, it gives me a place to start thinking about problems where I was running in circles before.

This is a standard 5 card spread, for decision making, where each card has a meaning in relation to another card, except for the centre one which tells you the answer to the problem that's been weighing on the mind lately... namely when you were laying the cards out.

Now how do I go about doing this? It's not that clear...
I for some reason have "Do I Creep You Out" by Weird Al stuck in my head at the moment. Awkward. And ridiculously valid, given the circumstances.
Heh.

I finally found something that I don't have, the simplest of things...

A white gel pen!
What possessed me to not have one?
Oh well. I'll have to go buy one while I'm in the city tomorrow before school... or maybe after. Depends on what happens to my homework tomorrow. Mornings aren't always good for me.
Speaking of, all summer I couldn't find a job. Then I worked temporarily(*) at a bookstore in my university, then I got a job at a big tech retailer (which I love).
(*) Then they called me back a few times and kept giving me work, and left me on the pay roll. Now they need me to keep working. Which I also love.

In short, boy, am I glad that I started all of my Christmas craft presents early and have one finished completely, because boy, would I be screwed elsewise.

Cleaning?!

Today I finally gave up. After a mess of a lifetime on my desk, I cleared it all off and put what I could away. It was mostly loose scrapping paper, and loose quilting fabric that I just hadn't bothered to put away. Also, I gave my spare monitor to the other in the computer, since I just use my lappy all of the time. It cleared off my desk quite well, comparatively.
Ta Da!

Tomorrow, work followed by homework... on my nice, clean desk!

We have entered November: NANOWRIMO!!
Also, all of the papers are suddenly due. Like, within the next three weeks. Only 5 weeks of this term are left. Then exams. Then my last term of university! Yay! (more like terrifying).
While I did not celebrate Halloween by drinking (I had two papers due, a class at 9 am the next day and a lab finding caddisfly larvae in a stream (yes, on November 1st, in Canada)) I did go to dance where I dressed up for the night:

I was a dolly. Last minute decision to dress up. I have been itching to try the makeup for this one for about two years now, anyway.
Well, now that I've updated this blog, I'm off to finish writing a 2500 word essay about insects that spread infectious diseases (vectors) that are likely to be affected by global warming in the next hundred years or so. Be warned about Chagas' disease!

Wooh!... Bug Collection done.

Hi! Today I didn't get much crafting done, instead I watched X files (yay, Mulder and Scully) and finished making my bug collection pretty.
As I am generally quite proud of the amount of work I have put forth I have decided to put a picture of the almost final (I'm missing a boxelder bug that's in my trunk in a mason jar).

Whee, all neat and shiny!
And you may I'm sure it'd have taken less time had I known I only needed to identify to the family. I identified about 95% of it to (assumed) species-- some of them were very easily identifiable although others were not (Bibio  ---------, for example. I still have no idea which one it was, and there are many species of bibio hanging around when and where I found it).
Anyway.
I liked doing this, and now I need to get ready to go out. Maybe even start readings for tomorrow... though I don't see that going so well.

Good Night, and don't let the bedbugs bite!

Raindrop Tee Shirt

OH! I've been done this for almost a week and I forgot to blog about it until this very moment in time. I even wore it.
 I bleached a shirt with a gel bleach pen, but it just plain didn't work. So, I decided that instead of throwing it away, I was going to just use scraps and sew them over the bleachy mess. Here's a picture to prove it:

Plus some hubby hands. He tried so hard to get his hands into every photo I took that I just had to give him the popularity.
So, number 10 is also done. 
HAAHA. I thought that I was falling behind and not finishing anything, but didn't realize that I was acually doing stuff on my list.

Wooh! Mini and regular sized handmade folders!

I made my own little envelopes, à la #5. I even took pictures of the process. I don't know how similar it is to the original link, as I just went by my own understanding of how these guys work, but... here you go.

1.Draw a rectangle (square, potentially even triangle if you want to figure out the interesting flaps). PS: the lines don't really even have to be straight. I'm against rulers to some degree while working in my front room. Mostly because then I'd have to carry them.

 2. Draw side flaps, one about half of the original rectangle. Draw the second a little bit bigger than half the size of the original rectangle.

 3. Draw a cute little flap on the bottom. Also for the top flap. I like them to be slightly different sizes so that I can differentiate, and because the small flap usually goes on the bottom. It seems more professional.

 4. Glue your flaps together and the bottom on. You can erase the pencil lines, or if you want one specific size of these, make a cool stencil. Take a picture of your knee and hand in the process.

 5. There you have it! Now, use bokeh to exacerbate lame stuff that really needs no explanation. Note the different sizes- one is totally cute!

#15: Snowflakes (check)

Yay, I had a friend over, and I created snowflakes. I actually don't know that I'll paint them. I rather like the colours- they're blues and greens and some grays and whites. These, in my mind, are christmassy colours. As a result, I may make some more, and then paint them later.
Also, I added buttons on both sides to serve as a base.

Kind of lame colours, as I took it with my webcam (too lazy to get up and get my camera).

I also finished a quilted centerpiece for my inlaw grandparents. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, considering that I've never quilted before. I don't think that I had a picture though, and I'm kind of saddened by this.  :(

Anywho, #15: Completed!

Somebody needs to rethink this font...

I'm not usually this coarse but this killed me this morning:

http://www.bluerodeo.com/forums/#

Ahahahahaahaha, maybe someone should re-think that font.
The more I look at it, the more I see "click play" but the first time I glanced at it, that was NOT what I read.
Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Gold books and things

I painted one of my books gold- with gold paint. It was easy. I'm not sure I like the colours, though. Too heavy on the citrus-ness. I think I'll make a purple cover on the next one and try it again.
Anyway, #2 (Gold dipped books) is completed today. (well, technically yesterday, but I went to Oshawa and went shopping. I'd like to clarify that I didn't buy much, anyway).

It sure is shiny, though.

October 3, 2013

Wooh, Finished one thing today! Photo Evidence:

Blood Drip earrings... # 6, done!
They weren't for me. Initially, I was only going to make one pair, for Steph who always wears awesome earrings and has a great disposition around H-ween at VV- one of the most horrifyingly busy places during the orange and black season- so I promised her a pair when I saw them at first. Then, I thought of Robyn, who is also very cool and excited by H-ween and also works at VV. So, I made them each a pair.
 As a consolation and excuse of why I didn't finish more today, I also made a bday cake with real homemade buttercream icing -flavoured with cocoa, and went to Scottish Country dancing, and went and knitted at a local craft store (at Crop Circles in Peterborough Square) with a lady named Kathi who is just a gem. I learned to do a knit-purl interaction today. It was cool. Looks neat, but it's hard to remember what you're doing- a knit, or a purl. I also fixed a wreath from the hubby's gparents that had fallen apart--but did not count it as #18 being done because I wanted to make a specific wreath, from scratch.

What did you do today?

October 2, 2013

It's just out of September, and I have a goodly majority of my stuff for xmas made/purchased.
That's not the point of this post though.

No, no, no.

I am going to make a list of crafty things to make, based on my pinterest account's pins.
I don't really have a due date for these, as I am working around crazy school homeworking and reading crap, and let's be serious, this is not a time to forget about school.

So:
1. Washi Tape edging on journal/books

{Link}

2. Gold-dipped books

{Link}

3. Shapey paper quilt

{Link}

4. Finn hat

{Link}

5. Homemade embellishments for scrapping- eg tiny envelopes

{Link}

6. Hot Glue Blood drop earrings

{Link}

7. Pretty, decorated tea container/releaser

{Link}

8. Lace letters on a sweatshirt-school shirt

{Link}

9. Upcycle shirts -okay, this one's not off of my pinterest. Basically, I want to take this:
  And make this... ish:
10. Sewn on raindrops (earlier, failed trial for bleach pens)
again... not from pinterest. Sorry guys. I'll just upload a picture when it's done.
11. Sparkly keys!

{Link}

12. Cutout cards/tags for xmas

{Link}

13. Rickrack xmas tree shirt

{Link}

14. Pearls wired on to bobby pins

{Link}

15. Xmas puzzle piece ornaments- need puzzle pieces.

{Link}

16. Pac Man Shirt
  Okay, also, I've wanted to do this for a very long time. I actually don't have a picture for it. Sorry.
17. Mod Podge Halloween lamps

*Unfortunately, the link site has been shut down. :(

18. Wreath(s). For whatever reason. Out of stuff and things.
  Also, no picture reference. Sorry.


Can you complete my list before me? Are you going to alter some of my concepts? Good Luck!

I've been thinking...

... That I don't have nearly the opportunity to do what I thought I would have had as an adult. I gained a tonne of weight, because I'm suddenly strapped to laundry, stupid household chores, homework (and also tech that I never really cared for previously).
As a result, I stopped going outside and just being there. Although as an alternate factor, I seem to have lost the naivety about safety after dark in cities, when I started reading stories about people being stabbed, raped and molested in the town that I moved to.  And, realistically, I stopped playing rugby when I realized how clique-y the people were up here. All of these combined to create... lazy me.
I don't have access to some of the equipment I once did (my mom and dad have a lot of stuff, like a sweet canoe, par example); and I haven't got the company with whom it would make it all a little more pleasant (many of my friends have left this town, or have bred and now are unable to get away at the drop of a hat, and the hubbs is a house-bound computer geek-sounds cool, 'till you realize that he's the reason you can't go sleep in a random forest: "I just don't see the point of hiking for three hours to sleep outside. Was that noise a bear? If you go by yourself, you'll get eaten, stabbed, lost, injured, etc...").

I guess I'm just really down lately as a result of all this lack of awesome stuff. The best times I've had since I moved to Uni were those where I got out and did stuff on my own, camping and hiking. I finally found a hiking spot near school that is worth it; especially during the fall and early spring-- the number of people frequenting it are nil. Now, all I need is a dog-- which most housing here disagrees with, since it's all student housing. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just frustrated.

August 31, 2013 or "Eating Slightly Better"

Today I went to the farmer's market. I never used to go, but I have a friend who lives near the big one that's on Saturdays, and I live near the little one that's on Wednesdays, so we tend to go at least once a week to one of them (since she's on mat leave and I'm... employed temporarily, part time, and school hasn't started yet).
It's nice to walk around, even when I don't intend to buy anything (in fact, I believe that today is really one of three times I've ever purchased stuff-the other two were radish sprouts) because it's SO expensive. I'd love to say that I care about the pesticides blabber blabber blabber but really, that stuff is worth washing off when I can get everything so much cheaper from a regular (cough, discount) store and still have money to wash my clothes at the end of the day. Seriously, it's priced up that much.
Today, though, we bought as a group and split stuff, and it actually turned out cheaper than it would have otherwise. Not terribly cheaper, mind you. But, I got 12 fresh (tasty) corn cobs for 4$, since we split two dozen (and I've already frozen it for later eating and kept four cobs for dinners. I also got a bunch of peaches (that I've eaten three of today) for what, 6$ I think? So worth it, because the peaches at grocery stores are awfully hard, bitter AND expensive. These ones are melt in your mouth amazing.
I also got six apples for $2.50, because the old man selling them looked so lonely that I felt bad that no one was at his stall and therefore had to buy his apples. His pies looked amazing (he had a peach and custard pie that sounded like I'd eat the whole thing right then and there and an apple pie that was perfectly coloured), but I couldn't afford $7.50 for a pie that I could make for next to nothing with his $2.50 apples. Plus, I'm trying to eat more healthily, and a pie between two people is like a pizza between to people: really hard to avoid eating half of.
I also bought this funky squash because it was shaped funny (funnily?) oddly, like an alien saucer. That's how I pick my food apparently. "Oh, man, look how weird that thing looks. I wonder if it tastes as weird as it looks?"

Tell me you can't see this being mistaken for a UFO.

Apparently, it's slightly like zucchini but less strongly flavoured, the guy selling it said. Which is bad, because I hate zucchini. Passionately. It's always bitter and almost always slimy. But, whatever. It looks cool. Maybe I can chop it into a smoothie or something.


So, anyway, my whole point of this post was that if you take a friend, split the foods-and the costs. It's slightly cheaper, and it makes shopping more fun.

Stupid School. Stupid Bureaucracy.

Every year, I hate going back to school. I love school itself. I love being in it, I love learning, I love going to class and I love reading about things and being forced to think about stuff that I might never have considered otherwise.
But oh, how I hate the bureaucracy that Ontario universities make you jump through to get to school. Heaven help you if you need a loan or got one out in first year that you used up to pay off the dorm fees, since OSAP didn't cover enough. Now the problems extend to banks and companies, and all the issues are doubly harder to deal with; issues like costly proof of enrollment from the school (no, my student timetable does not appear to count) so that the bank does not charge me for the line of credit even though I'm clearly still a student.


It all makes me want to spend the whole day crafting, just to while away my anger. Perhaps I shall.



In the meantime, here are some photos of the camping trip* that my three sisters and I took:

Because that's what sisters do behind each others' backs.

Charlie- looks really old here. Like, preteen at least (she's not, though-Yet).

Drinking keeps us together.

This picture is kind of funny, because I came back from the washroom to her going "I'm a wookiee, I'm a wookiee, I'm a wookiee..." I asked if she even knew what a Wookiee was. To me:  Chewbacca=

*Photo not from camping trip. Actually from here: link.

The hairy one.
Sadly, she did not know what I was talking about, even when I made Chewbacca noises.
We have a Star Wars marathon coming up over the Christmas break when I go home.

My youngest sister and I. Again, what sisters do to each other when the other's not looking.

For some reason, I believe in really raw, realistic pictures of kids. Altered, set up or faked ones are too cliche for me, I think.

Food was a major part of the week, mostly over the campfire. We only used 1/2 of a little propane tank in 6 days.

Picture Heavy-- Hiking/Biking

Today I went Biking/Hiking/Biking and while hiking I also caught bugs for my upcoming entomology class... and I also found another friend:

 This guy's name is Rana pipiens. He is a Northern Leopard Frog. He's a pretty big frog, and he was just sitting out on the trail.

 I saw this great ivy climbing a tree; the only issue here is that eventually the ivy will overtake the tree and kill it by stealing nutrients. Poor tree.

 At some points, these trees were so thick that you literally could not see the forest through the trees. Hahaha.

 This is one spot that the area opens out onto the local river. However, you had to step through a partially made trail and globs of mud to get there--luckily, I constantly wear my boots while wandering trails since my herpetology class this summer- I learned my lesson the first time it rained and I was in shoes. My runners made very good lakes, though.

 This field-y area was picturesque.

Yeah, hiking and biking! Bug net on my hat, long white sleeved undershirt, and top layer shirt buttoned up to the top hole, can you tell the mosquitoes were awful in some parts of the forest? (Namely, the spots where the trees were super thick; it's cooler and consistently damp, as well as dark, making it perfect mosquito habitat).