January 2, 2010

Sooo... Five of my friends that I went to high school with are now engaged.

<--One of my newer friends, the one I'm close to up where I live, is also engaged and I'm helping her out with the wedding as much as I can.

Two are pregnant.

Luckies.

I was reading a blog (randomly, I don't really try to actually realize which one I'm on. It doesn't make sense that way) and it had advertisements for these really cute kids with some pretty bad disorders. Clubfoot. Muscular dystrophy. HIV. You know, the bad kind.

I feel sad that they're adoptables. It's not fair that they are given up for adoption. I understand that they're probably better loved and helped now, but still... I wish I could do something. I don't have money to donate or time to give, and I certainly a)do not have the money to adopt one/time/patience/living arrangement/experience or b) a career to even fill out the forms that would come when I tried.

I always wanted to adopt a kid. For a long time as a young girl and into teenagehood, I wanted to foster; then I read that kids get bounced around a lot. When I got to my older teen years, I decided that when I was ready and willing, I would adopt a child--not a baby, a child. Some seven year old or maybe even older--eleven, fourteen, girl, boy. It didn't matter. It didn't seem fair that I got to work my butt off through high school to save money for gas when some teenagers were working on not getting killed, addicted to drugs, sucked into running away, etc... in group homes.

I just didn't think that was fair. I still don't.

I wish I could do something now.

You know, I always thought that I'd be able to do more as an adult. I wonder if that's not true. I can drink, sure; drive when I pay for insurance. But there's so much more that I wanted that I just can't seem to grasp. I wanted money, I wanted comfort; I wanted security and pleasant luncheons and afternoon teas with friends and sophistication.

I don't think I'm a sophisticated person. Maybe that's my issue. I expected Martha Stewart, tried to live up to it, and got... a futon mattress and a borrowed computer(from several people, different pieces, even). Oh well. I guess I'm going to be me for a long time. I'm an Aquarius and apparently I'm known for being all over the place and not committed to one idea... Maybe that's my issue here.

Ah, well. Live in the moment, I suppose. And I am who I am.

These guys are Becka and Pat. Ha!