July 23, 2008

Recently I met a new acquaintace, shall we say? Aah, rugby functions are always big drunken brawls of fun-ness.
Anyway, so I was talking to him the other day, and we got on to the discussion of cult classics and how only the eighties made damn good movies. I mean, we have okay ones now, but how many times can you watch Wall-e without wishing your eyes would burn up, or the Devil Wears Prada without wishing you could drink drain-o and not have a terrible conscience in the afterlife?
Anyway, so after this discussion, I realized just how long it's been since I've last seen the Evil Dead series. In short order, I collected up the first film to watch it late, late at night when I clearly have nothing better to do with my time.
And I love it. The one thing I know for sure is that I will never give Bruce Campbell the rights to my Ikea bookshelves. Those are deadly, and if he's having problems with the ones that are already made... I'd end up with him glued in somewhere.

Best part ever: "You will die! Like the others before you; one by one we will take you! (aargh)"
*Stabbity stab stab* ..."Of LEAD POISONING! Muahahahahahahaa!"

Then, there's some horrendous fight scene with loads of throwing people and such, and Bruce Campbell gets stuck under an empty, backless bookshelf, and then mr. boyscout who seems to have never gotten his "trap and secure zombified evil demons in basements" badge, chains the demon into the basement with a whole HEAD'S SPACE so that it can clearly see out. Even evil demons need their light. I mean, she could have been claustrophobic.

At least he cared.

Silly Bruce Campbell just put his girlfriend to bed and let her sleep by herself all alone. Great guy he is.

And damn! I wish my nails were that lethal. Who knew they could pierce right through to the achilles tendon? And facial everythings? And cause such damage? Damn! I'm impressed, and I want the name of their manicurist.

I guess that's why they made the rest of the movies jokes, eh? 'Cause there's so much awesomeness in this one that they just had to keep it up! Seriously, I totally got my kicks in this. It's just that awesome. I love it. I think that everyone needs to see this sometime in their life, to laugh loudly at it at very least.

Seriously. It's awesome.

July 20 2008

Yesterday I went to the pig roast with the Stoney Creek RFC.
And Holy Cow! I haven't seen so many people drinking so much in such a short time. I mean, DAMN! They were insane. I only stayed till about one thirty, if that. There were people who just camped out there all night, and it was... Sincerely amazing. Let me tell you. Whew!
But you know what? I am constantly faced with the reasoning behind why I like rugby so much, and this was no exception. I'm one of those people who's really open. When someone asks me to tell them a secret that no one knows, I can't. I don't have them. Everyone I know knows everything about me. Or everyone knows something about me. I'm pretty obvious in my transparency. I don't keep secrets. And I'll tell you what I'm thinking regardless what it is, as long as it suits my interests in that moment.
Usually it does.
And so do most of the other rugby players. The girls, the guys, all of them are so damn open and likely to talk to others, regardless. There's a girl on my team who has much more experience since she's been in rugby way longer. She was telling Silver and I about stuff, it was awesome. I learned a lot. Like, why I belong in rugby, even if I think that I suck sometimes. I mean, all I have to do is practice my ass off, and I'll be okay. And I think I'm sticking to flanker, even though I'd like to play hooker. It seems like something I'd enjoy. But I definitely LOVE flanking. It's like... *sigh* All tackles and no standing makes Nifty sore, but so very, very happy. :D
Anyway, other than that, the sexuality of these people actually rivals mine. I'm pretty sure a few people got laid last night, and I don't know how much the alcohol had to do with that. Oh, that's another thing I belong there for, is the alcoholic intake. It actually gets close to my intake. Okay, who am I kidding? These people drink like friggen fish! Like, I've never seen so much imbibed since Chakiz, Silver and I had that random drinking session at my house where we pooled alcohol and mixed everything. Let's see... We had:
Tequila Rose
Sour Puss-Red and Grape
Jägermeister (with Red Bull, of course, thereby solidifying the chances of all Hell breaking loose)
Fireball Whiskey
Peach Scnapps
Cherry Schnapps

Hells, I'm sure there was more... I just can't remember. I do, however, know that it reminded me VERY nicely of a bar on my table while we were drinking.
I definitely think that it was the mixture of both tequila rose and Fireball Whiskey that made me spew my intestines all over the bathroom walls at nine-thirty at night. Yeah, we drank really, really heavily.
That's was interesting.
I learned that puking after alcohol is like nothing you'll ever experience otherwise. I mean, a hangover sucks, it sucks balls, but you can pop some aspirin, or shoot some more vodka and you're fine. Puking, is ike, oh crap! I feel like... yep. *insert puking scene* Damn! There was no controlling that one.
Aah!

:D Still, good experience. I learned that I absolutely CANNOT outdrink a guy who's six-foot-plus a few, two hundred pounds and who drinks like a rugby player.
Anyway, about this related pig roast: It was the awesomest experience of my life so far. 'Cept for maybe sex... That's occasionally good, too. And it happens more often, that's for sure.

July 17 2008

Hm. So, Chakiz is into me after all. Why do we inflict self doubt? I think that my half-year resolution will be to cleanse that stupid self-doubt from me. It makes me a horrid person. I feel crappy and I act like a bitch when I'm doubting me and myself, and then I look dumb when I tell the guy that I kinda missed him after all, even though it was all...
I dunno.
Man, I have a messed up head. I need to stop thinking so much.
Seriously. I just told someone to stop thinking so much yesterday. Pitcher, in fact, was who I told. I think I need to stop that. Practice what you preach, as they say.
I mean, I can't help but think, but I can cut back on the amount that I hate myself and doubt my abilities and my first thought.
You know why I'm like this? Because I had to do it with Backcatcher. Always. I used to be happy, before I met him. I was a bubbly person. I'm still bubbly on the outside, but wracked with doubt on the inside. Then again, I'm blaming it on him. It wasn't only him. I also had a tendency to be too naive, and eventually it caught up. To counter-mix the naievety I have to be really doubtful. That's why I'm always warring with my other voice, I think. That's why I don't get along with me for large amounts of time. Gah.
Man, I am seriously messed up.
So, my new thing: I will not doubt myself.

July 16, 2008

Is honor too much to ask in a relationship? With anyone, seriously?

Sometimes, I wish that time travel were possible for me, so that I could move from this time to another time where honour and truth meant something. Not only that, I wish I could find a time where freedom and respect went hand in hand. I wish I could transfer myself to a dimension where storybook romances existed. I hate reality. It's no wonder I spend all my time reading. It's because today's reality isn't worth its existence.
Disgusting.

July 14, 2008

So, I've been really, really angry lately. I snap at everyone and anything that moves, I hate people and things, and I complain. All the time. More than usual. I'm starting to get angry with myself for being so angry all the time.
And then I realized why...

I'm sexually frustrated. I have never been frustrated for this reason before.
Ever. Seriously.

I can't even do anything to help myself out. I've tried, and it only makes it worse. I don't want to go find a diferent man, either. I can't. I tried. Not interested in the least bit, to tell you the truth. I have three or four guys... (hmm... lets see... three if you don't count the one who's trying to play me 'cause he still has a gf) who are all sitting around trying to get me to do stuff... and I can't. I just can't, and when I do, it's just... "Wow. This is boring. Heh. Kinda, like, meh. Wow. This sucks. Let's go see if I can stare a wall into oblivion."
Seriously. I have to actively think about flirting, and even then it sucks.

I haven't been this obsessed with a guy since backcatcher, my first real bf. And that took two or three years to get over. It was a while. Granted, this guy's a cooler guy, and he's nicer, and he's waaaaayyy more honourable, but damn! It makes me all the more confused as to why he's still single.
And that fact is why I'm so damn frustrated. No one else I've met since I met him has lived up to his whole self. Hell, none have even matched up a section of his personality. They just don't make 'em like this guy's made. But, damned if I don't spend every day thinking about him. All the time. And it frustrates the hell out of me, because I'm not a forward person once I've learned them. And I'm afraid that if I open up, he'll be like "pfft" and blow me off. Or, worse, will feel guilty or something like that for making me feel like this.
I'm so weirded. A girl at work said I should make him cookies. It's a brilliant idea, because he's an eater. But... I don't want to have to coax him. I want him to want me.
Haha, Cheap Trick song.
"I want you to want me,
I need you to need me;
I want you to want me,
I need you to need me..."

Also related:
"For well you know that it's a fool
Who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder"
-Hey Jude, The Beatles.

Because that's what I did... I acted all cold and uncaring, because that's how I am with guys who don't want to go anywhere, but sometimes I wonder if I just didn't make everything worse for myself by doing it. I mean, I hate scenes since that first bf breakup which was a huge scene... and I'll never do it again. I think I made a pact with myself that I will be the one who comes out on top when the guy or I decides it's over. Since backcatcher, I haven't really made a scene. A few tears quietly shed once I've left, and I'm good. But, damn it if I don't just act like a statue, and maintain body distance.
When he left on that last day, I just wanted to touch him or kiss him... I think I'm terrified of making a fool of myself, though. We did hug, but... I don't know. I just wanted more than that. I mean, we did go camping together. Just us. Alone. For nearly four days.

Gah.

I think I really miss him. I hope he feels something for me. Enough to avoid his band for a day once he gets back and to spend some time with me.

Is it too much to hope for? Am I setting myself up for a disaster? Maybe. I don't know. I can't know. I'll just have to make a fool of myself, I guess, because I'd rather know that he wants nothing to do with me then not. I mean, at least if I know he doesn't want to see me anymore, it won't be this horrid limbo that I'm in right now:
"does he even think about me?" "Will he even know me?"
"Will he care enough to listen?" "What if... he doesn't like me?" "What if I was just rebound?" "What if, what if, what if..." (It's horrid to write this, because it means I am insecure after all. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Plus, I don't think he'd forget me, it's only a month. Only.)

Anyway, I'm sexually frustrated, and if you have a problem with it, sue me. I'll go jump his bones and then be happy for another month. Once more at the end of the summer when he gets back again and I'll be pleased.
Or I can just kind of hope he doesn't go away in August... It's a plausible hope. Kinda sucks for him, then, but I'll be selfish in my own blog (as well as truthful) and say that I really, really miss him and hope he doesn't go away again.
I want him to stay, I want him to be with me, and I want him to like it. I would probably travel back to my city every weekend from school just to spend a few nights with him. Hell, I'd come and get him, drive him to my dorm, and drive him home every weekend if it meant he'd stay with me.

Hell. I hate this uncertainty thing. It's not really good for my heart, I'm sure. If I have a heart attack, blame Chakiz.

July 12, 2008

So, I am waiting patiently. So far I've only been uber frustrated for, like a week. I've been attending rugby lately so I haven't worried so much about being apprehensive about Chakiz as I do about being exhausted.
Sometimes, I wonder why people are the way we are. I think it'd be cool to find a perfect mate who wants permanence, and then I think that it's silly because that's my imperfect, which is silly because then even if I had him and he was perfect, he would piss me off so well that I'd stop talking to him.

I miss him. NOt to tears like before, but I miss having him around. I talk about him all the time, and everyone in my friend circle that doesn't already know him wants to.

I got a sunburn while I was playing watergirl at rugby today. I'm going to a pig roast with rugby on the nineteenth. On the eighteenth there's an orientation day at Trent U for first years to learn how to pick classes.
I'm so tired, I"m lying down to write this and have already closed my eyes.
And when I close my eyes, male characters in romances change for me, and I'm currently trying to upgrade my two lovers for Zach De Masion's story. It's a good one, but kinda shaky because it changes so much.
THat's all. 'Night.

July 9, 2008

All I want is to curl up with him, lie next to him, and cuddle. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, 'cause he's out in the middle of nowhere town carrying a gun around-for fun-surrounded by all those chicks who think it's cool to be in the reserves... What did I do so wrong that everything gets messed up now?

Did I kill someone in a past life? Maybe I was an adulterer. That would definitely be a reason that seems plausible, considering my crappy ability to meet or keep a reasonable lover for very long.

And all the ones I actually like are married, gay, or in the army and away for the summer.

July 8, 2008

Yesterday I went to rugby. That was nice. I think I hardly fit in with the people at rugby because I WORK SO GODDAMNED BAD HOURS!
And this comes in here: I'm quitting. I love working for GT, but I just can't. I hate applying for new jobs even though chances are that I will get whatever I apply for, but I hate it. I hate moving to a new place and starting all over again.

And I'm doing this for rugby and for a play.

Great.

July 5, 2008

So, today I was trying my hand at recreating dishes from Chakiz's house-and I sort of prevailed. I made refried beans which I actually call black-bean spread, since that's technically what it's called.

And I'll be damned if it didn't taste good! Not as good as the pro-kind that Rudy's mum makes, but that's to be expected; I never was taught how to do it, and I didn't have a recipe, I was working from memory of the three seconds Chakiz took to tell me how to make them before ushering me into the tent while we were camping.

I made them, though. :D Now I can have bean spread even if he never wants to see me again. I just wasn't expecting all the mess it made!

Speaking of Chakiz, I made a realization today. I don't want to be done with him. I haven't made a single pass at any guy since I started with him. I have no interest in other men. They just don't live up to Chakiz. I don't know.

It could be caused by his being so standard towards me; it could be because he just didn't care one way or the other what I felt or wanted. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment and only like guys who don't give a damn about me.

Shit. I hope to hell not, because this could be a looooonng lifetime for me.

Still, secretly, in the back of my mind, I wish that he does think of me once in a while, even though the more rational side of me takes over and says "you know you're setting yourself up to get hurt, right? He did say that he just wanted to enjoy the time before he left, and to 'see what happened' from there."

But then my stupid romantic side says "but maybe..." And then I spend two hours crying because I just don't know. I hate it.

I think he's going to be hard to beat though, if he beat Kizisini.

And he did. Ohhh, did he ever. Kiz never let me touch his guitar, and Chakiz didn't mind, in fact he taught me chords on his guitar.

This is going to sound stupid, and I'd hate to believe it could never be possible, but I really want him to call me when he gets back... I want to know if he cares at all for me the way I think I might care for him.

And then, says my stricter, rational me:"You know, if you say that and hope for it, he'll come back, party for a week with his band like he repeatedly said he was going to, and then he'll leave again without even saying a word to you, and you'll spend all summer ignoring other boys just to be with someone who doesn't even think twice about you in a summertime. You'll be crushed, you know."

I fucking hate my rational side. I hate it for what it is and what it makes me feel. I hate that I can't hope for ten minutes without breaking into a bout of tears because of it.

"Shut the hell up, rational side. You know nothing about humans, do you?"

Gods. I hate being human.

July 4, 2008

So, I'm supposed to be emptying my bookshelf. Silver's already half packed to go to school, it's only July, but I should probably be following her example so that I'm not all rushed in August. Besides, she knows what she's doing.

I'm missing my most recent man-friend who went away to reserves camp, and now I'm just kind of single and floating--which, you'd think it would be easier to pick up guys being me, but, alas; not.
I think Silver and I learned not to try to pick up guys at bars. Number closes are really hard to get from guys. It should be the next big game show. Female PUAs try to get numbers. Even though technically silver and I aren't PUAs... Okay, more then technically. It just isn't going to happen. I think we're too normal for that. But I do employ some of the insane brain manouvering that men employ... I call it "stupidity".

Hahahahaa. Joking. Sorry to offend. I just thought it was kind of funny. Anyway, I think that I have given up on actually believing that I might meet someone who wants to be sober and hang out in and for the next two months, and I have limited myself to admitting that I am going to wait till I go away to make it serious. Which is actually what I want, believe it or not.

So, now I have to go clean my bookshelf off...
See you later!

June 30 2008

It's nearly July! I can't wait.

I also have this horrible problem: I can't go back to weird, ugly guys. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to be good at dating nerds who were overweight, acne-prone and virgin-y... but I can't do it anymore.
OMG!
I'm what I hate.
And yet, I don't hate it so much anymore.

I mean, I think I gained STANDARDS!

Maybe that's why I've been single for so long. Because I just can't stand lowlifes anymore. I'm sick of trying to change guys. I hate it. If they aren't what I want, then I kick them out of my line of sight in the mating form.

I mean, the guys that I've been falling for are guys who are fun to party with, who are slightly bad, and who are hot. I mean, seriously manly goodloooking, omg I want to do you here good-looking.
No more weak, blonde, short, timid, quiet, need-a-drink-to-be-talkative guys. I hate them. Hell, I can't stand them. They never want to do anything.
"Hey, let's go toss a frisbee around"
"Hey, no. Let's watch tv instead".

I think that's my pet peeve, guys like that. It's such a waste of male anatomy. Not that I'm all go-go-go-go, but...
heh. Maybe, then again, maybe I am. Maybe I always have been. I like being busy. I've accurately filled up all my weeks. I am now overlapping things because I just don't have time.
And it's summer vacay.
Heh, maybe I am one of those go-go-go people.

That's weird. Didn't see that one coming.

June 24 2008

So, I went camping with Chakiz this passed(past?) weekend.
Amazing fun. Until Sunday/Monday, when I realized that there are so many differences between men and women that I'm boggled humans have survived this long.

First, we got there, and the first thing I do, is set up the shelter. I hop to the tent. Where are we putting it? Will it be okay here? How about here? Is it flat enough? Soft enough? Shaded? Out of the way of danger? Far enough away from the campfire and the food table? Yes, yes, yes, yes yes. I put it up. Then I get to arranging the inside. Chakiz, where would you like your sleeping bag? Your things? Which side do you want?

The first thing that he did was set up his hammock. The second he did was get out his guitar and lie in the hammock, while serenading me with 'Hey Jude' tabs--that I retrieved for him from his bag. The third thing that he did was went to the washroom.

Well, at least that explains how women have survived...

But, alas, that wasn't the only thing. There were really three things we did. We ate, slept, and layed around the campsite.

Oh, and we also went to the beach. Where I learned the second thing about men.
They're always right.

"Put on sunscreen; you'll get burned," says he.
"I haven't burned in three years," says I.
Long story short: I burned.
Badly.

"The cooler should go away in the back of the car," says he.
"Don't worry about it, the 'coons are scaring me with how close they're getting," says I.
Short story shorter: The 'coons ate well that night.


The third thing that I learned about men, is that they separate all of their little parts of life into compartments. When they say something, they mean it; nothing will sway their decision, because there's nothing to sway with.
Music is music; a job is a job; friends are friends; temporary lovers are temporary lovers; holidays are just that: holidays.
Nothing in their lives are connected the way that they are in women's lives. A bad day on the job will affect their sex life; a bad day in a supermarket line will throw a woman's life into depression.
But a man, a man will take it as far as the car, and then forget that it ever happened.

Damn, I wish I were a man, sometimes.

June, 20th 2008

So, in the last four months or so, I've heard from four guys that I used to date, who want to 'go play pool' or 'go for coffee'.
What the hell? I don't want to date anyone again! If I wanted you, I would have called you! Seriously!

Am I that much of a commodity?
Seriously?

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

And, what a time to get in touch with me, when I am set in t-2 months to move to Peterborough for THE REST OF MY LIFE!
Okay, well, maybe not that long. Just four years. But still... I won't be in Hamilton.

And all the guys I have around all the time, all the guys I hang out with, and they all want to get with me in the last two months of my stay in Hamilton.

Well, sorry to say it, guys, but I'm leaving. I'm not carrying any permanent relationships, unless Chakizetta wants to try an open ltr. Which, chances are, is impossible.

Fancy that. The guy I like is the guy who's not interested. Maybe in four years he will be.


Seriously, though! What the hell? I'm a terrible girlfriend, I can't stand being committed, I hate people half the time, I complain a lot, and... well, lots of things. I like being alone, I like having my way, I like being adored, I love attention, and I lavish the guy when I'm obsessed.

Why me?

Who am I kidding. I love the attention. It rocks. I especially love it when their faces fall when I say "I'm moving to Peterborough for school in two months."
Muahahahahaa....

June 13, 2008

I find myself saying "whatever" a lot lately...
"My summer's gonna suck." "Whatever."
"He's ignoring me again." "Whatever."
"I hate life." "Whatever."

I feel like two different people sometimes, one me that's an automatic jump in who doesn't think, and then the after-me, who smacks me inside my head and says "You're a friggen moron, why did you do that? Now I have to go clean up the mess you made..."

I wonder if I'm schizophrenic?

June 10, 2008

So, I talked to Chakiz today about what we are, and he made unbelievable amounts of sense, which makes me think that he's thought about it before... Which makes me think that he likes me... hahahahaa.
*dances joyously*
But we're not labeled at all, though. Which, is cool. I guess. I understand it now, so it's okay. He likes me, I like him, we occasionally please each other, and we're not attached at the hip.
Perfect, if you ask me.
It's because he's going away over the summer, and when he comes back, I leave for Peterborough. So, it'll be a long time before we're possibly going to see each other. So, why ruin it with regrets?
I don't know, makes sense. He's intelligent, you know. It's kind of nice, not to have to talk to a moron all the time. :P
And he's fun. And it will be a fun few weeks, before he leaves. Then a long, boring summer-I suppose I could change that. I'll work a lot. It will be nice. I'll always be busy.
And then school.
I still really like him.

June 9, 2008

Hm... I can't remember if this is the only june 9th entry. Sorry if it is.
So at work, I did a lot of thinking and decided to talk to Chakiz (who, btw, IS single... well... yeah. So now we're just... enjoying each other?)
Anyway, so I was getting sick of not knowing and being on the wall all the time-- because I really, really like him. But I don't want to be falling for him if he doesn't want me to, because then that would be one more guy I've been obsessed with that just DOESN'T want me like that. I would be very disappointed, because I really like this one.
And one more reason why I should like him: I said: "I think we need to talk" which usually, in dating land, translates to either "I've cheated on you" or "I'm dumping you"... but I've had guys laugh when I said that, only to have them then dump me with that line. Anyway, I think that I'd like to change this connotation. I don't mean that. I like Chakizetta a lot. So much. It's bad because I'm starting to think that if he wants to meet me half way, even him going away in the summer and me going away all school year, we could actually make this work. I want, more than anything right now, to make this work. Like, badly.
Very, very much. He has a personality that fights mine for dominance, but I don't know if one will ever really come out on top--but it's always interesting.
Anyway, I think I scared the poor tall man, because he was like... >eek< and just kinda buggered off of msn when I said that. Haha. Oops. So next time, I need to think up better words. 'Cause it's the exact opposite of what he thinks I meant that I did mean.
I just want to ask him if he wants to get more serious :O
Yeah. That's what I said.
I'll give up being single and all that jazz so that I can be happier with him.
I've gone insane.
Insanely insane.
Someone make sure I'm not sleeping:P But it makes me happy to think about it. I want this, a lot. In fact I feel all fuzzy about him.

Euw. I sound sickening.

It's the music: Carly Simon-You just call out my name
Maroon 5--Sunday Morning

OOh, caught the end of the one song when I remembered I was supposed to be writing them down. Haha. Then it went into Maroon 5.

Hm... I appreciate Chakiz.
I desire him.
I long for his touch,
and I even want his little mood swings to continue.

Mmm... and he smells so good. :D
And I get to keep him for like, three nights, all to myself! I'm going camping with him, at Turkey Point! I can't wait!:D I hope it's awesome. I'm so excited.

And, Trent U sent me the forms for the everything for rez. I got into LEC, Lady Eaton College, single room. :P Means I can have *friend(s)* over. And if Chakiz says he wants to go more serious, you can bet your ass that I'll drive all the friggen way to Hamilton to get him, to bring him back to dorm for three days, where I'll be happily entertaining him.
But Apparently people can't be over for more than three days at any one time.
It's weird.
;P I'll bet I just figured out another way around the system though. He can't stay in my room for more than three days, but he can stay in three of my friends' rooms for three days, and three days, and three days...lmao. Aah, finding ways around laws is so much fun.
Anyway, I lurve the way I feel right now; I'm not so horrible feeling like I have been all day because I was so confused about where we (chakiz and I) are. Now, at least, it's kind of out there, minus a few main ideas.

Guys, I really hope he's not weirded out. But it's too late to avoid bringing up now... So, wish me luck!

June 8, 2008

Man, my parents are annoying.
I bought a used Mac laptop--it was cheaper then my dell was. So I bought it. I'm not sure whether or not I want to keep or sell it--I'll probably keep it for a while and then use ebay to sell it off. Now, with that, I also think that it was a good decision--it was a good price and I did NOT have to pay for s&h.
Well, my dad was all "grr" because I didn't run the scheme past him first.
Well, guess what: I'm old enough to make decisions. It was in cash, it wasn't charge, and it was a clean deal.
I'm old enough to know that I have things to pay for, but who's to say I won't sell it for slightly more? Or even break even? I can, it's physically possible. Even if I lose a bit, it won't hurt me.
Man! The audacity.
The horrendous assumptions! Gar!

June 7, 2008

I don't know if I could deal with a man moving off to military all the time... I spend all my time thinking about them not being here, and wondering, and thinking, and I haven't even admitted how much I like him to him yet. Gods only know what would happen if I did.
Jeepers.

Okay, so I was just reading through old journal entries (of the diary that I keep on my computer), and this one strikes my fancy. It's so funny :P
Well, what did I do today?
I woke up
I went pee and brushed my teeth.
I brushed my hair. Actually, I think I brushed my hair before #2.
I ate some raisin bread with butter on it that I heated up in the morning.
I contemplated not going to school, and then did anyway.
I put all the school stuff in my backpack, except the two envelopes that I needed to bring. I did NOT get photocopies of my stuff.
I walked to school and got there close enough to on time that it counted.
I fought with my English teacher in my head. STICK IT TO THE MAN!
I threw myself on the floor and let out a bloodcurling screech, flailing wildly at the pain which coursed through my body like a soldering gun was being run up and down my extremities… Oh, wait, that wasn’t me. That was my daydream. Right. Story ideas.
I planned a bit more of the Kaylana story.
I left English before the bell rang because she dismissed us, and I walked to photography
Where I developed film.
I realized that my mp3 player is screwed up so badly that it won’t even be acknowledged as a media hardware… it keeps saying that the files are corrupted.
I went to lunch, and talked a lot. I ate pasta salad and tried dr.pepper chocolate-cherry, which was okay, I suppose. It would be gross to mix, though.
I talked to Josh, who said that the best thing to do to fix it is to search the player and Linux, or just to buy a new one.
I went to guidance and waited until I couldn’t wait anymore, and left.
I walked to my art classroom and ran into Kat who decided to tell me she was going to the washroom for a number two.
I laughed all the way to the art class with Teresa and Devon.
I did art, and complained a lot, but I think that I figured out what I’m doing for all my project components.
I looked at pictures of art that were abstract to try and understand what it was to be ‘abstract’.
I understood what abstract was, sort of.
I left art when the bell rang.
I put my stuff in my bag and stood up, and said goodbye to ms. Roglic, and to Teresa and Devon.
I walked east, S, stopped at my locker, S, and then to guidance, which was E, and stood around to pick up my Transcript. I didn’t get the stuff I needed to signed, since it’s at home. But that’s okay.
I walked to Communications where I sit now, only on the other side of the comm.. class, because there are no more computers on the wall, and I’m not kicking someone off, so I’m using my laptop, but there’s no Ethernet cable in the #5 port, so I can’t connect to the net… tonight. But I’ll fix that when I go out tonight and buy me an Ethernet cable. Yay!
I sat down and began to write the diary, and exactly what I had done that day. I’m currently thinking about just sitting and daydreaming of rugby, rugby men and sex. But that’s the future thought. And now I’m considering to write a story about Nifzeta and Edward, to continue “Post-secondary Love” Where they’re sort of like Kay and Mark, but not quite, because they get along, they meet on a sports team athletic meeting, and they’re really close before Mark gives up and tells her that he’s sleeping with her whether or not she wants to. Now I’m wondering if I can escape this infernal cold in any way, because I’m insanely cold.
I’m going to stand up and… probably have aneurisms. Which I can’t spell. Aneurism. Aneurism. Aneurism. Aneurism. Yeah, a-n-e-u-r-i-s-m. That’s about right.
I don’t know what I’ll do after that, nor do I think I should be conscious after that, so it won’t matter.

Hahahahahaahahahaha
I'm lmao right now. :P
Enjoy!

June 6, 2008

Today is Friday. I think I've fallen for this guy. I don't know how. It just happened. What a way to go. I want to date him. Seriously. I mean, really. To the point where I have to stop talking to avoid bringing up the issue. I'm sure I've offended him, but I hope the smiling is enough to keep him here...
Gah.
I like that word. Where did I get it from? Maybe Silver. Actually, probably Silver. She seems the most likely source.
Anyway.
Duhr. What happened to "I want to stay single so that I don't have to dump anyone before University?"
Now I'm thinking "Maybe I could work out a long-distance. I mean, three and a half hours isn't that bad, and we both like driving. It could work!"
*sigh* I like him. I really do. I like his little temper tantrums which aren't like any I've seen except for mine-where silence is the best offense. He does that! He does it well! Fight, fight, fight, drop the subject and sulk until you get your way:P.
Anyone who knows me and who's been in a fight with me knows that's the way to go. I always get my way with it.
Seriously. Man, I don't know... I think I'm going nuts again. Obsessing over things. Except, except that this one might come to fruition. This one could work. This one might be a good thing to obsess over. Hahaha, man, if he reads this, I'm going to be... crazily embarrassed. Maybe I should stop. Then again, why would he find this? I mean, seriously, no one knows about it unless I've told them about it--which I generally don't. And I don't label my posts, because this is more like a personal blog than a public one... And that's the way I like it.
Okay, well, I have to go wash the drool off of my face now. :D Bye!

June 5, 2008

Man. I want to be a fly.
A fly on the wall.
I have a severe interest in a guy. A guy at school, no less. And interest so severe that I've automatically contracted one-itis since I found out he didn't have a girlfriend.

And what makes it worse is that I see him, all the time. All the time. Every day. Well, not all the time. Gods, I'm not even dating him and all I can think about is him. Gah.
Ahahaha...oh, and like Mr. D said, I think he might have an interest in me, if Friday, Monday and Tuesday have anything at all to do with life.
But then today... I dunno. He seemed so uninterested. His body language was all off. Maybe he was just thinking, like G-Man said.
Hey! That would make sense. Okay. I'll go with that for now. I feel a little less stupid for being kind of confused, now.
Man, I hate understanding women. It makes men really, really confusing.