Not brave enough to jump, too rebellious not to fall// going on hiatus for a few days

Hey,
     so i have decided that i need a break for a few days. i'm beginning to feel a little bit... down... again. as a result, i'm taking a few more days off of everything that isn't absolutely necessary in order to recoup my losses and figure out where i'm going next. perhaps it's about time for another counselor appointment after all. need to figure out where i am in life, and how to proceed.
                    nifzeta

Woah. Busy.

I know I haven't been around, I know. I've been lax on the crafting, too. Working on some things for people, some cards in the time I put aside for crafting (often overlapping with "hanging out" with friends that are long overdue for visits, since school's essay and reading requirements picked up).

I decided to paint my nails this morning while reading about caddisfly larvae for a lab I did:

Sparkly snowman.

And I have been making cards:

See? I haven't been dead.

But I've been working like insane hours. This is how much I made in two weeks-- plus I went to school full time, keep that in mind. Also, I make minimum wage, and get full taxes taken off:

Bonus points if you figure out how much I took out as cash when I deposited my first cheque.

I suppose that I'm paying for my sin of greed (as that's generally what makes me work the hours that I do)*, though, as I feel drained, tired, uncaring, guilty and a little bit depressed that this is what my life is, and that I have to do this in order to keep up on my bills.
But, I'm making it. I'm doing what I have to do. I'm doing it to make a better life. And that's what I have to think about.



*I would like to point out that I also work two jobs: One at a bookstore and one at a large electronics retailer. They're both great jobs, but both are "temporary" positions. I was originally applying to the electronics job to make up for the expected loss of the bookstore job, but the bookstore underwent some intense internal changes and actually required that I along with a coworker stay to help out, so technically I suppose that you could consider that as not guilt but an attempt to help, but I think it's mostly greed on my part.

Another day, another dollar. Also, one day closer to being finished.

 Last two weeks of school and then Christmas break! Then, just to work and make some money. Then OSAP comes in January and I start my last semester of University (pleasepleasepleaseplease).

I'm writing essays today (and tomorrow) (and this weekend) (and this whole coming week) (okay, I just started one, but I decided that I needed an inspiration first, so I thought that I'd write a blog post. and then save it to publish later, since I wrote one this morning).

Things I need while writing essays (within arm's reach):

Lip Balm

Pens and Calculator (this one's my faithful Ti-83 from high school. Like, grade 9.

Tea! Tea! Tea! This one's an herbal one by Celestial, called gingerbread or something like that.

My iPod. Classic, 80 GB. Also from high school, but like grade 10 ish? Haven't upgraded because, why?

Waterbottle (s). Because for some reason I always realize how thirsty I am while writing essays. Probably because I'm bored.

My laptop. Because it's my writing instrument. The pens are just for show.