March 26, 2010

You know, I never did figure out why I've always daydreamed about returning to the past to live. Or wished that times could be simpler.
Then, I downloaded all ten seasons of Little House on the Prairie. Sorry, producers and others making money off the boxed DVD sets, but I just can't afford the seventy dollars you're asking per season when I can watch a season in a week.
If it's any consolation, I did buy the VHS of the pilot episode...
Anyway, back to my sudden understanding of my own brain and important thoughts.
So, while I was watching it and reminiscing of days gone by, I first noticed how much religion is in the show.
Then I realized I was getting sucked in the God stuff, wondering if church was really as great as it looked in Little House.
Then I realized that why I am agnostic, and not an atheist.
I do believe in God. I was raised to believe in God, but not a religion so far.
I suppose, though, that while I have to believe in a god, but not necessarily God as is known from the bible, I just can't bring myself to believe in the bible itself.
The odd thing about that is, I believe in a lot of what the bible teaches. Or, just about any other religion style I can think of.
It teaches family, love, and respect for others as well as oneself.
And forgiveness.
And understanding. And empathy. And community. And hard work. And so much more.

And then, I thought, with the advent of television and ease of travel, life has become so complicated that these morals are left behind to wither in the heat of work and die beyond our sights because we're too busy to see what's right there.
I made an awful decision to leave my family four hours away so that I could get out and go to school. It wasn't that I hated them or anything, I just needed freedom. I wanted a smaller city, slower than the one I grew up in, but still with a sense of community.
I got out here. It's not much slower. But while I spent my childhood dreaming of living on a farm, where I was homeschooled, and could spend my evenings helping out with chores, kids out here grew up thinking that partying was 'cool' and they spend much more time in clubs and living a 'high' life than I do.
But my family is so far away. I met a guy out here. I'm going to be living with him in May. Not that it really changes, as we've lived together pretty much since we met. So now, I've developed a relationship out here that means I'm stuck here. And my family is so far away. I think that's part of the reason I'm so upset here. I can't think properly when I'm so far out of what's important.
It's sad when Little House makes you remember why you are who you are.

So, why did I always want to live in the past? Because the longer I'm alive in a time where business students are lying to each others' faces about how they're getting in to what company to be a peon anyway, and the longer I have to listen to people talk about how they 'have to' spend time with their families when they'd rather be drinking, the more I wish I could move to a place where I only sometimes had to go outside of my family to do something.
Family, there, meant people I loved, respected, admired, cared for, was cared for by, or enjoyed being with.

So far, everything I've done is to get myself ingrained with more families; I looked for school with a rugby team (but still swear fealty to the only team who ever returned respect: the SCC), wanted to go to dorm to make friends and create a family (but refused to become the busybody type who spread germish gossip about the others on the floor and so failed the dorm experience), I wanted to move into a house to become a group of close friends (but failed because of my need for cleanliness in the kitchen...where did it come from? I haven't the foggiest).
I'm stuck out here where I once had brilliant memories of a cottage that no longer exists and now realize that these people are worse than the ones in the city I came from, because they're all trying to be the opposite of what I want to be, even though all they really are is all I ever ask for.

And regardless where I go in life, people have stopped loving, respecting, admiring, and caring for others. The first look anyone has for anyone else is a nasty frown and a sour mood with a minor tongue lashing.
I know. I work in retail.

We need to slow down, people, and enjoy life. Not rush.
A millionaire does not a happy man make.

02/03/10

It's really odd that the Haiti earthquake which only registered a 7.0 was deemed terribly important, life shattering, all-encompassing enough to span to North America and create groups who donated money, time, effort, and all that jazz. It was all you heard about on the radio for days after, and you got live coverage of secretaries who didn't know what they would do now that the building that they had worked in was destroyed.
It's funny that the Feb. 27 quake in Chile which registered an 8.8 did not get that coverage. In fact, the rat forum I'm on is the first place I've heard about it, because it "may have shortened Earth's day by a few milliseconds".
Hm. Interesting that we have such high double standards. Was the reason that there were a hundred thousand people in Haiti who were injured? Maybe.
But, should Chile not get the same help? Unless, of course, Chile understands that they live on a fault line and will get earthquakes as the have for the last hundred thousand years and make plans for such an occurrence. Perhaps.
Anyway, my point is that I'm not living anywhere warm ever, for fear of these earthquakes and hurricanes and such. I'll stick to Canada, where I only have to worry about stampeding Polar Bears and freezing temperatures.